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She says there are people in the house, she has phone calls to say people are coming for her, it's time to go to school, where are the kids. (we're both in our 80'S)
Andrew, how are you doing with this? Are you staying healthy? Are you getting the sleep you need to take care of all of the things you do during the day as well as all the things your wife used to do?
I am assuming, perhaps wrongly, that your wife is in a stage similar to my husband where although he can see that it is dark outside if he thinks to look, that does not relate in his head to bed or sleep.
I am also assuming that a sign on the wall or a prominent clock may sometimes make sense to her, but usually they are either not noticed or look like letters or numbers without meaning.
I am assuming that at times, or maybe all the time, your wife can identify a number on a clock as an ‘8’, but am or pm mean nothing. Neither does the fact that 9 is later than 8 or that 12 can be noon (light outside) or midnight (dark outside).
You can try taking away her clothes but you will probably not be able to make her understand the reasoning behind it and it may make her angry and she may start to hide them or fight you.
Nighttime medication may help. I haven’t tried that yet but it’s the next step for me. And medication comes with its own set of problems.
I don’t mean to sound hopeless, but I am mostly concerned about your well-being. I am younger than you and it is wearing me down quickly. I am mid-way in this process too.
I urge you to keep asking questions on this forum at every stage. The answers will not all fit for your situation but they may help you survive each stage as it comes and make decisions in your own best interest as well as your wife’s. This is really hard.
My husband gets up occasionally too. It’s usually before I go to bed, about 10 PM. He regularly goes to bed between 8:30 or 9:00. I don’t hear him right away, but he gets dressed and makes the bed. I tell him it’s still dark outside and we look at the time. He says I will go sit for a while, but I am firm with him. I tell him I’m just getting ready for bed and he has to stay in bed until it light outside. I fold the be back and get his sleeping shirt and shorts out. It takes about 15 min., but so far he complies. Also, I limit the amount of time he takes naps during the day.
I wouldn't be concerned about her getting up and getting dressed in the middle of the night. What could that hurt? But my concern is that she seems confused about when and where she is. Hallucinations or imagined phone calls, and worrying about getting the kids to school, must have her really grasping to figure out what is real. Talk to her doctor. See what he advises and ask about medication to calm her before bed.
Andrew23: In the altered mindset of dementia, the patient's mental state presents as a much younger version of themselves when they were well. Speak with her neurologist.
Has she been diagnosed with dementia? This is more than 'just' waking you up in the middle of the night.' She needs to see an MD ASAP and be evaluated.
Ask about medication.
You do not address other behaviors or concerns. I would presume there are other things going on that are causing you distress, concern and/or loss of sleep. Perhaps you need to change the sleeping arrangements IF you feel confident leaving her alone to roam around in the middle of the night. Although she may be-come distressed looking for you.
Visit TEEPA SNOW'S website. She is one of the country's leading experts on dementia. Read her books and watch her You Tubes.
Forget trying to make them understand. Their brain is not process incoming information. My dr. prescribed 10 mg. melatonin time release with a back up of trazadone, The melatonin worked and we both now get 9 hours of sleep each night and day naps are super short - not the hours she slept before. It is wonderful! It was for both of us. She takes it and we both sleep.
Don’t fight it I’m 65 and wake up in the middle of the night. Been to sleep doctors done studies .. everything. What I have found, don't fight it if you are awake get up and be productive. If you are tired go to sleep. Don’t let someone tell you what time is appropriate for sleep
I can see that step 1 is to remove her clothes so that it isn’t easy to ‘get dressed’. That’s probably easier than undressing her if she does get them on. Step 2 could be something like a night light in the hall over a clock and sign that says ‘go back to bed’. Even better, a light that shines the time on the ceiling, which we have and love in the night. Search ‘ceiling display clock’ to find them.
When my Mom did this, I showed her it was still dark and not time to get up. Then I would put her back to bed. This happened about 3am and she would sleep till 8am.
Your wife has reverted, in her mind, back to the days when she was a young mother with 1000 things she had to get done. Or a young schoolgirl, even. My mother with dementia was intent on "the children" and "the babies" and wanting to know where they were? Your wife needs reassurance that nothing needs to be done, school isn't in session right now, and she's having a dream. Mild calming meds tend to help with these issues as they worsen. Ativan helped my mother quite a bit.
My husband does the same gets up in early AM dresses. I have learned to remove all clothing and shoes and put the clothes in the laundry or do the laundry at night due to incontinence. Night lights and double bolt locks on all doors are important. No throw rugs on all floors. Try to keep them busy during the day which keeps them from constantly sleeping during the day. If you can afford it look for adult daycare ( respite care)in your area.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I am assuming, perhaps wrongly, that your wife is in a stage similar to my husband where although he can see that it is dark outside if he thinks to look, that does not relate in his head to bed or sleep.
I am also assuming that a sign on the wall or a prominent clock may sometimes make sense to her, but usually they are either not noticed or look like letters or numbers without meaning.
I am assuming that at times, or maybe all the time, your wife can identify a number on a clock as an ‘8’, but am or pm mean nothing. Neither does the fact that 9 is later than 8 or that 12 can be noon (light outside) or midnight (dark outside).
You can try taking away her clothes but you will probably not be able to make her understand the reasoning behind it and it may make her angry and she may start to hide them or fight you.
Nighttime medication may help. I haven’t tried that yet but it’s the next step for me. And medication comes with its own set of problems.
I don’t mean to sound hopeless, but I am mostly concerned about your well-being. I am younger than you and it is wearing me down quickly. I am mid-way in this process too.
I urge you to keep asking questions on this forum at every stage. The answers will not all fit for your situation but they may help you survive each stage as it comes and make decisions in your own best interest as well as your wife’s. This is really hard.
But my concern is that she seems confused about when and where she is. Hallucinations or imagined phone calls, and worrying about getting the kids to school, must have her really grasping to figure out what is real.
Talk to her doctor. See what he advises and ask about medication to calm her before bed.
This is more than 'just' waking you up in the middle of the night.'
She needs to see an MD ASAP and be evaluated.
Ask about medication.
You do not address other behaviors or concerns.
I would presume there are other things going on that are causing you distress, concern and/or loss of sleep. Perhaps you need to change the sleeping arrangements IF you feel confident leaving her alone to roam around in the middle of the night. Although she may be-come distressed looking for you.
Visit TEEPA SNOW'S website. She is one of the country's leading experts on dementia. Read her books and watch her You Tubes.
Gena / Touch Matters
We did this for over 10 years.
You want to make sure to use the glycinate version to prevent loose stools.
Best of luck with a difficult situation.
( respite care)in your area.