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Aloha, My dear 93 yr old Mom needs 24/7 care. She is mentally and physically fine, but has some cognitive issues due to a stroke in early 2018.


I was her full time caregiver for 2 years but needed a break. I have 3 terrific caregivers that go above and beyond. They love her and would do anything for her.


The issue is that Mom is running out of money as the caregiving cost is close to 2K/yr. She will be broke in a year so we need to come up with a change so Mom can stay at home for the rest of her life.


Does anyone know of where I might look for live in help for a trade ?


I was thinking one girl could do 8am-6pm and the other 10pm-8am.


There would be a a 4 hour of paid help from 6-10. The night time would be pretty easy and the day would include lots more hands on, though Mom reads 10 hours/day. However, I need the caregivers to do more hands on re-hab that I have set up for 20min every hour x 5 hours/day. It would include cooking, serving, med reminder and help in the bathroom.


I would give them a month (maybe to Hawaii) break every 4-6 months.


They would have plenty of privacy in the house and an acre to roam, garden, etc as well as a very nice neighborhood to take walks around.


I need a site or sites to go to where this is common... "Live in care for free rent". It's very possible we could ad a stipend for each person. More for the day person depending upon the person. Mom is likely to live at least 7 more years (as did her parents) and I would want the same persons to commit to however long she lives.


I will do anything to keep my Mom at home where she is happiest.


Any help or ideas of where I could place an ad ? I would be forever grateful. I hope to hear from all of you soon. Thank you so much ! :)

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You HAVE to pay the live in caregivers. Otherwise what you are suggesting is slavery. Room & board isn’t sufficient compensation. Neither is 4 hours of pay. Legally you have to pay them at least minimum wage for all hours worked.
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HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
I meant to say we are paying almost $200,00/yr now.

I would pay $2500/month plus free rent for someone working 8am-6pm
and the other person would get the same but work 10pm-8am... They'd sleep mostly.
Plus get a home to stay in for 1 month in Hawaii when I come to visit for a month probably twice a year.
The 4 hours would be at $20.hr =$80/day or $2400/month
I hardly think getting free rent and making $2500 plus $2400 for the 4 hours is slavery.

Thank you for your thoughts. Happy holidays.
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First off, your mother is neither physically NOR mentally 'fine' if she is in need of 24/7 care, let's face it!

Secondly, I assume it's a typo when you say you've been paying $2,000 a year for her full time care. If that's the case, that's highway robbery at its finest! I assume you were paying $20K per year and now need full time care for free, expecting care givers to 'donate' their time and energy in exchange for room and board.

In real life, it doesn't work that way, I'm afraid, especially with the requirements you expect from them! 20 minutes of PT every hour, for example!!

Lastly, if you place an ad somewhere asking for 24/7 care giving services in exchange for 'free room and board in a beautiful home', I'm afraid you'll get a few people applying...........and get robbed blind in the process! Every Whacko-Betty and Whacko-Bob will be responding to your ad and you'll be very sorry for posting it!

Medicaid may be your mother's best bet here.
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HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
Yes, it was a typo.
We are paying close to $200,000/yr now. She is going broke at that rate.
So we're looking at our options.

One person would get FREE rent in a beautiful 5 bedroom home and $2500/month. They would work 8-6 and have the rest of the day off. The other person would also make $2500/mo and have the same but work 10am-8 am and mostly sleep !!!
Then the persons who did the 4 hours 6-10 would be paid $20/hr =$80/day or $2400/mo in addition.

PLUS... I offered a free stay in my home in Hawaii every time I come to visit for a whole month !!! 
I hardly think 20 min of PT per hour is a lot to ask for.
She doesn't quality for Medicaid but will be broke in 1 year if we continue to pay our caregivers what we do. THat's why I came here to ask for help.
She is a fall risk which is why she needs 24/7 care.
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I would forego a public ad and instead search for an employment agency that focuses on in-home care, does background investigations, interviews and screens candidates, just like someone would do if he/she were looking for a full time job in a specific profession. 

Although I searched ads when I needed a new job, that dynamic has changed and the personal interaction changed with it.    Any criminal can pretend to be something else through on-line resources. 

Some agencies also focus on fields, such as law, engineering, and I'm guessing that since home care is becoming more competitive, that field as well. The agency can do all the work and just send you selected candidates to interview.   Obviously there's a "finder's fee", but I think it would be worth it to have only qualified candidates.  

Totally unrelated in profession, but I'm surprised at the difficulty of finding just good, reliable contractors.    Some are very, very strange "contractors", so I've had to hone my interviewing skills to make sure some nutcase doesn't want to bid.    And I've  still encountered a few peculiar potential contractors.    Protect yourself and your mother.

I also think it would be more flattering if you referred to the people you hire as women, not girls.    That infers a gender specific, somewhat condescending attitude in my opinion.    When someone uses that vernacular, I treat them as they would treat others - like girls, like children, not as adults.     I wouldn't say that I'm looking for boys when I'm looking for adult contractors. 

You should also consider paying health insurance as part of the employment package , and you should contact your insurance carrier to discuss liability and comp coverage, which if in Michigan would be a professional, not personal, insurance package.  And don't forget to get a (federal) EIN number, deduct taxes and file with the IRS and Hawaii government. 

I do think the long term commitment isn't realistic; life changes, and we live in a volatile political and weather climate.   Families change, people change; that's just too long a commitment for someone who hasn't even tried out the position.
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HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
Thank you for ALL your great thoughts. I really appreciate it.
It's late so I can't think anymore, but I really appreciate your thoughts.
Happy Holidays.
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You get what you pay for.

Free rent is not going to get you good help. How do they pay for their expenses? It is just not realistic.
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HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
I meant to say we are paying almost $200,00/yr now. She's going broke which is why we need to check out other options.

I would pay $2500/month plus free rent for someone working 8am-6pm
and the other person would get the same but work 10pm-8am... They'd sleep mostly.
Then the persons who did the 4 hours 6pm-10pm would be paid $20/hr =$80/day or $2400/mo in addition.
Plus get a home to stay in for 1 month in Hawaii when I come to visit for a month probably twice a year.

Thank you for your thoughts. Happy holidays.
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I was initially somewhat surprised by the sarcastic responses to this post about live in help. After reflection, I decided they made a lot of sense. A lot of us are equating live in care givers to our own single unsupported experiences providing 24/7 care giving to a LO. Others are following a "living wage" ideal and want career compensation to support a family lifestyle. Respectively, neither of those apply to this poster's situation.

The poster clear states she wants to engage multiple people. She is not looking at "live in" as a way to overload someone. The 4 hour evening shift is apparently going to be a fully task engaged shift taking care of Mom, probably including cooking and bathing. The other two shifts are going to be providing help as needed or on demand; you have to be there and you have to be available to provide care, but you will also have time for your own pursuits. The home is large with a good yard and probably in a very nice neighborhood. The "live in" option is a way to provide a portion of the compensation and extend the time her mother's funds will support her aging in place. I recommended the OP consider 3 attendants for the "as needed" coverage, which would mean 47 hours a week: 20 hours * 7 days = 140 hours / 3 = 46.667 hours of coverage per week, and probably something like 20-25 hours of task work.

There are a lot of good people who struggle with affordable housing options. There are a lot of good people, particularly in semi-skilled or physically demanding trades who struggle to maintain employment as they age, many of whom live alone and often feel isolated. A lot of students need someplace to stay and don't have much beyond their clothes and a bedroom suite; avoiding loans for living expenses is a very important goal in this group. A live-in job that offers the opportunity to live in a nice home in a nice neighborhood is _very_ desirable to a lot of these folks.

Employment is a mutually beneficial relationship. You sell your skills and labor to create a benefit for another person. If you are a 59 year old divorcee with heel spurs, grown kids, and young grandchildren, "downsizing" into a live-in care giver job with somewhat flexible scheduling so you can delay drawing pensions or 401k could make a lot of sense. How many posters on this forum gave up their job to care for aging parents and are looking or will be looking for a home when their parents die? This job could be a big upgrade for a college or graduate student or even just a young adult who's working retail or food services. It's not a career job, but it is certainly a good job to fill some of life's transitions.
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Isthisrealyreal Dec 2019
With her clarification it does change things considerably.

I think that she won't have any problems finding people.
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I think it will be difficult to find anyone willing to work without pay but there are websites where you can search for care at home

my uncle had live in help for several years, one person worked 4 days and another 3 days and the cost was several thousand a month
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HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
I meant to say we are paying almost $200,00/yr now. She's going broke which is why we need to check out other options.

I would pay $2500/month plus free rent for someone working 8am-6pm
and the other person would get the same but work 10pm-8am... They'd sleep mostly.
Then the persons who did the 4 hours 6pm-10pm would be paid $20/hr =$80/day or $2400/mo in addition.
Plus get a home to stay in for 1 month in Hawaii when I come to visit for a month probably twice a year.

Thank you for your thoughts. Happy holidays.
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I don't think you will find anyone for this.  I don't see how you got by with only paying 2K per year in the past.   You need to apply for Medicaid for your mom.
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HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
It was a typo. I was saying that we pay almost $200,000'yr at this time for 3 caregivers, but she will be broke in a year. She's not eligible for medicaid at this time.

One person would get FREE rent in a beautiful 5 bedroom home and $2500/month. They would work 8-6 and have the rest of the day off. The other person would have the same but work 10am-8 am and mostly sleep !!!
PLUS... I offered a free stay in my home in Hawaii every time I come to visit for a whole month twice a year !
Thank you for you thoughts. Happy Holidays.
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Decades ago, a great-aunt in her late 70s with a large Victorian home engaged 3 widows in their 50s to live in large rooms on the second floor while taking care of the house and providing care for my aunt as needed. She paid each lady a stipend and provided 6 months of living expenses for the household (including their stipend) and a final bonus for them in her will. By the time my aunt died, all three ladies were old enough to draw SS and had accumulated some savings. My aunt basically shared the entire house with each lady having their bedroom as a private area and the arrangement worked well. If I remember correctly, the live in ladies even rotated hosting their families for holiday meals.

I would encourage you to meet with an attorney and develop a contract that covers the live-in's duties (including work shifts: covering 1/3 of day and night shifts, 1/2 of weekend shifts, 2 contiguous days off for a normal weekend, 4 contiguous days off for a long weekend, one long weekend each month, etc.), vacation/holiday/illness time off, areas of the house available for their exclusive or shared use, limitations on guests, grocery and consumables allowance (who buys the toilet paper), damage liability, and how many days they will have to vacate once employment ends or when your mother dies. How many shifts do they need to cover the basic stipend? More money for extra shifts? How many missed shifts before the stipend is reduced? I would reserve the Hawaii vacation as an annual performance "bonus" once someone has provided quality care for at least 9-12 months.

You will need to develop a basic rotating primary duty schedule so that each person has some days, nights and weekends off. I suggest planning to hire extra help to cover holidays so the live-ins can join their families.

I would not run an ad anywhere. I suggest you contact area ministers and colleges (especially scholarship and placement offices) looking for people who do not have a more permanent home and/or for whom housing expenses are a disproportionate drain on their income. People in or studying service fields like nursing, social work, teaching, etc. may be more likely to work out. Do initial screenings in a public venue away from your mother's home.

Not knowing where your mother lives, I cannot even suggest what a reasonable stipend would be there. In my area I would think $1200-$1400 a month would be reasonable based on 47 hours a week of coverage with about half actually on task and about half on call. Room and board is usually about 50% of income so the stipend would allow enough to cover auto and personal expenses with several hundred of disposable income.

Good Luck!
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I don't think anyone does a "free room and board" arrangement anymore. I don't see how anyone could! People still have expenses besides rent.
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HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
I meant to say we are paying almost $200,00/yr now.

I would pay $2500/month plus free rent for someone working 8am-6pm
and the other person would get the same but work 10pm-8am... They'd sleep mostly.
Plus get a home to stay in for 1 month in Hawaii when I come to visit for a month probably twice a year.

Thank you for your thoughts. Happy holidays.
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Don't think you can advertise for a slave anywhere nowadays, sorry.
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HawaiiMermaid Dec 2019
How is this a slave ? The person would get FREE rent in a beautiful 5 bedroom home and $2500/month? They would work 8-6 and have the rest of the day off. The other person would have the same but work 10am-8 am and mostly sleep !!!
Thats a slave ??? I don't think so.. PLUS... I offered a free stay in my home in Hawaii every time I come to visit for a whole month !!!
Don't think slaves had these perks !! come on !!
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