I need help! We've cared for my MIL in our home for almost 6 years. While we were on vacation we had a family member come care for her while we were gone. Within a few hours of us being gone, they had her put in hospice care- without telling us, until it was already done. Long story, I will just cut it there. Since then, she has declined rapidly. She went from caring for her basic needs like toileting, self feeding and medicating to now needing two on one 24hr care. We have have kids. We have a life. Now this is all we do. I haven't left my house but for a few mintutes in over a week. This is the point that I said I could never do. My kids are stuck at home, watching grandma deteriorate. The siblings say that this is what we signed up for in the beginning and that we have to deal with it. Basically thats the opinion of hospice too. We didn't sign up for this. We were forced into it while on vacation, then the people who did it disapeared. She is bedbound now, wanting attention and affection at all hours of the day or night. We havent slept real sleep in weeks. The demand is more and more every day. We are at our breaking point. What do we do? Is it too late to place her in a full time care home? Can we do it without waiting the 45 days for Medicare to place her? I'm not sure how long we can handle this.
How old is your MIL? What are the reasons she is on hospice? Is she competent to make her own decisions?
Are you or your DH her DPOA?
Who told you Medicare will take her in 45 days?
Perhaps you are referring to Medicaid, a program for the indigent? Medicaid is state specific. Google Medicaid for your state and find the requirements. One must qualify financially and medically. Medicare is insurance. It pays for the hospice service you are getting now. It doesn’t pay for room and board or 24 hr care. Medicaid will pay in a state licensed facility if she qualifies and they have a Medicaid bed available.
She can come off hospice at any time, but It sounds like she probably qualifies as you describe her but it isn’t anything one is forced into.
Did hospice take her off her meds?
My DH Aunt has been on hospice for a long time, your MIL may be as well. Your MIL may not be actively dying so wouldn’t qualify for an inpatient hospice facility where they can only stay for a few days before passing. She certainly sounds like she would qualify for a Skilled Nursing Facility/Nursing Home. How often are you seeing a CNA or a nurse from hospice? Have you seen a social worker?
If she has no savings to pay for her care then Medicaid can be filed for. Many go into a NH with Medicaid pending.
MIL declined while you were away.
"they had her put in hospice care"
I think I'd be clarifying the facts first. Speak to the Hospice Provider Manager & ask;
What exactly happened?
Then, how much support is available? What if that is not enough for you? What other choices exist?
Have you asked hospice why they feel your MIL now qualifies for their help, and what they feel her prognosis is?
Hospice will have a nurse coming once a week to start and aides to come bathe her at least twice a week, plus they will supply any and all needed equipment, supplies and medications, all covered 100% under your MIL's Medicare, so that should help you some.
But if you no longer want her in your house, then you need to ask the hospice social worker to help you find the appropriate facility to place her in.
They can also help you apply for Medicaid if needed as well.
Also most hospice agencies have a hospice home where you can have your loved one placed if hospice feels they'll be dead within a week. That too is covered 100% under Medicare if she were to die within the week, otherwise to keep her there beyond the week she would have to pay out of pocket to stay there.
The hospice homes are beautiful and peaceful and the care is top notch. And the cost isn't any more than a facility if you were to have her there for any length of time.
I wish you well in getting your MIL placed sooner than later and in getting your life back.
I feel, since hospice is now involved, that your best option is to discuss with them what options you have, and I certainly wish you the very best of luck, and am so sorry you are all going through this.
Why can't she get transitioned into a hospice facility and out of your home?
Since you've cared for MIL 6 years already, nobody in her family plans to jump in to help you. Start looking for a county Social Worker to help you.
If it's your MIL, then she is your Husband's Mother? What plans does he have for his Mom?
Why did this family member put her in Hospice? Sounds like you thought MIL was fine and she wasn't.
It's never to late to place her, but you may need to get a Certified Medicaid (NOT Medicare) Planner you can get to help you with this situation.