I am the primary caregiver for my mother in law who has been disabled since birth. She’s lived with us since October 2016 & has progressively gotten worse. My father in law was able to help with her, but he passed away in November 2019. My husband & I both work 40+ hours a week + commute time & have 4 kids of our own. She is unable to cook for herself consistently, do laundry, clean up after herself, safely bathe herself, & has been falling more & more. She has been on disability & social security most of her life as she’s been disabled since birth (Spina Bifida - among a ton of other issues) & my father in law was in a work related accident in 2012 which made it so he couldn’t work anymore. He was also on disability & social security since 2015. Neither have savings, but she “makes too much” for Medicaid. My husband & I can’t afford to pay for her to go to a home or have someone come & care for her in our home. There’s literally nobody else that can help. We don’t know what to do or where to turn. Every time we’ve tried to get help with DFCS we’re told we make too much for any help.
You and your husband are doing a wonderful thing and obviously care about her a great deal not just because you have taken her in but because you are working so hard to provide the things she needs, don’t feel you need or should reach into your families pockets as well the time and love you are putting in is far more valuable. Don’t rob your families Peter to pay Moms Paul even though it seems like your helping yourselves just as much.
In the meantime, this woman should not be left alone. You should make an appointment with a Medicaid caseworker. Asking what you need to bring with you. I would think it would be Moms bank statement, any ID, and proof of income, ect. She may qualify for in home care.
If she truly NEEDS residential care you may find information specific to caring for adults with Spina Bifida There too.
There has been something of an explosion of research about this condition within the past several years.
For yourselves, your schedule is unquestionably totally overwhelming. Perhaps you will find someone through one of theSpina Bifida agencies who can find some kind of temporary respite so that you can have a glass of wine together and think through the best solution(s) for your MIL. I KNOW from personal experience that you DON’T have the time to BREATHE, much less think and discuss, at this point.
Please let me know what you find. I’m on the way to a root canal right this minute, but I’ll be back this afternoon.
I dearly and with hope, LOVE someone with Spina Bifida, by the way.
This is your husbands responsibility, not yours. Good Luck!
AAA should be able to help you find LTC for your MIL too.
Then shouldn't she qualify for Medicaid for LTC?
"My husband & I both work 40+ hours a week + commute time & have 4 kids of our own." and "I am the primary caregiver for my mother in law "
Why are YOU the primary caregiver? Why isn't your husband, as she is HIS mother?
Regardless, this is just too much. She needs to be in a facility.
Are there other siblings of your husband? If so, then how did she come to live with your family?
I certainly feel for you. This is an enormously stressful and challenging situation for your family. You have your hands full with your work and family. Hang tight, others who are knowledgeable on this topic will help you.
Wishing you all the best.
Georgia is one of several states that allows for a resident who has income too high for Medicaid qualification to open a pooled income trust (sometimes called a Miller Trust).
If you google "Miller Trust Georgia" you can read all about how to set one up.
Help for MIL should be based on HER income, not yours.