My mom has first stages of vascular dementia, also bipolar. I got her help now and problem with mom. APS has said abuse, neglect and exploitation on me. I have been POA before she got diagnosed. I sent her for help at hosptial and they sent her for psych help. Now meds are controlled and she is great. Should I get lawyer or do what APS wants me to do, which is a daycare for money to our state, NC. They have threatened me to take guardianship if I didn't do what there plan is. I am 24/7 caregiver and I don't need daycare.
Does your mother have SS that can be used to pay for DayCare?
How long was Mom wandering the neighborhood before you got to the neighbor’s house where she eventually wound up? (You don’t need to “know” the neighbors for them to report you) Are you sure this hasn’t happened before? Is APS recommending daycare because Mom is being left alone?
Cooperate with APS. Tell them you are seeking help for your mother and provide documentation from doctors she’s seen. Ask them to help you find a solution for your mother. They will not go away and you are now on their radar. If they have told you if you don’t cooperate they will take guardianship of your mother if you don’t do as they say, they aren’t kidding.
I have never said this to anyone. I suggest that you ask APS to petition the court for guardianship of mom. You sound too ill to be caring for mom with an illness of her own that will only get worse.
You bought a house together? How did that happen? Are you equal owners with equal cash investment? Mom doesn't qualify for Medicaid, she makes too much? What is the source of mom's income? How is that spent? Are you paying your share of household expenses?
Yes, if I were you I would certainly get an attorney. Not sure what speciality to recommend to you. Of course that attorney is your expense, not mom's.
One additional question. You got meds right? Was that process under the care of a doctor? Regular appointments? Meds given in compliance with prescription?
In his lifetime my father-in-law who came to live with us wandered off while I went to take a shower. He was sitting in a chair sleeping, I had the room darken, and I figured "YAY! This is my chance to hop in the shower"-I was only in the shower for about 3 mins when I came out and he'd unlocked the front door and wandered off. It was cold outside. Wet, with quickly thrown on clothes I went looking for him. He'd actually wandered the street and was in another block trying to hitch a ride back to a town Arkansas where his parents family once owned a farm. I told him to hop on in and we'd be on our way. Drove around the block back to the house and just that quick, he'd forgotten all about trying to hitch a ride to Arkansas.
But please consider deadbolts. You having moved to the area and having been there only a year, what could your neighbors tell APS about you or your mom anyway? Do you have any interactions with any of your neighbors at all? Someone you might be able to trust to talk with?
But please consider deadbolt locks. The kind that needs a key to unlock from the inside as well as out.
I am a great caretaker and still learning
Hugs to you and your mom.
APS Isn't there to prosecute you, they are there to help both you and your mother, and I think you need to step back and look at this more objectively. They may be seeing you as overwhelmed and needing additional help to be able to keep your Mom at home longer than perhaps you would be able to, if this is what you wish to do.
There is nothing wrong with accepting the help offered, for if they truly found you to being incompetent, they would have removed her on the spot.
Try to look as this as additional layer of assistance that will enhance both of your lives. You have a tremendous amount of pressure on you right now dealing with SD, you Mom with Dementia, and your own illness, which is made worse by the stresses you are dealing with, so take all the help that is offered, and hopefully things will lighten up with the additional support.
You really are doing a great job, but your Mom will continue to decline in her Dementia, and will continue to make life that much harder. Accepting that help will only make your life easier in the long run. Good luck!
I would do what they are asking. You have a lot on ur shoulders. And with ur health problems, stress doesn't help.
They are trying to help keep Mom in your home. They can override ur POA. Look at it they are trying to help you.
APS talking to neighbors is part of their job. The neighbors will say they don't know you that well.
I had to call APS on a sibling back home and had plenty of reasons that would hold up in Court, but then I needed to change course really fast and let APS know why. They finished what they 'had' to do, but they understood and things ended so I could take care of the situation.
THEN my stepsibling had me reported to the bank for fraud and told me the bank reported me to APS. Big problem with her story, she didn't get the roles in the proper order and gave it away that she did all of this reporting.
I was called by APS and when they told me why I actually started laughing so hard I started crying. I told them I would be happy to open my books to them, but if they really wanted to find the culprit, go after the stepsiblings. I had a letter in about 60 days stating there was absolutely nothing to back the accusation.
It doesn't make sense if everything is ok within the house etc, the neighbors should know about Mom's condition(s).
Yes, absolutely get an attorney AND her doctors to back you up regarding the situation.
If APS is so concerned about taking care of adults that can't take care of themselves, why are there then so many homeless people on the streets? IDK about where you live, but where I am there are little mini homeless encampments everywhere. By definition, each and every one of those people can't care for themselves. There are plenty of elderly and mentally ill without homes. Why doesn't APS step in as aggressively there?