Nervous about trying in home caregivers. Advice anyone?

Don't do it, at least not until you know the caregivers.

I hired from a well known, reputable agency, used by someone here and 2 friends from another forum, all of whom make good decisions.

The local franchise agency provided 3 people.  Only one was competent and reliable, but she was a smoker.  Even though she did go outside to have a cigarette, I wasn't really comfortable with having a smoker in the house, particularly with oxygen use.

However, she was competent, reliable and very attentive, spotting an emergency and perhaps avoiding a serious, permanent event.     She was also very professional, friendly and cooperative. 

The other two were worthless.    One had lived in the area for years, only about 6 miles away, but got lost and took 45 minutes to arrive.   Then she set about "cleaning" (I was okay with that), until I discovered her using a wet rag on a power strip plugged into the wall and supporting a refrigerator.

When I asked why she was using something wet on an electric power strip, she said it was okay since she wasn't squeezing water into the plug holes.

I told her I didn't have anything else for her to do and she could leave early, then called the service and said she wasn't suitable.

The other undesirable decided the cleaning she would do was using undiluted bleach in a closed house (this was February).   She got mad when I suggested that this wasn't a good idea - no one should smell bleach that strong in a confined area.

She did do a good job on reorganizing a cabinet to prioritize filing of dysphagia food candidates as well as other canned foods. 

Common sense obviously was lacking though. There's no way I would trust either of them in the house alone with my father.   The house might not be there by the time I returned, or they both might be passed out or on their way to the ER from the odor of bleach in a confined environment.

Why not call and find out if she is eligible for Hospice. You would get a CNA that would come in at least 2 times a week to bathe her. And that service is included with Hospice so you would not be paying for it.

You would of course, be present with each new caregiver until you felt as though you could trust this person, and that your mother can trust her as well.

Your mom is no longer in a position to supervise anyone. The idea about hospice is a good one, but I still wouldn't leave my loved one with a new person without a trial.

IF you go through an AGENCY, they are licensed and insured. In other words, the hired help claims to get injured in your home, they cannot sue the estate but must file Workman's compensation with the company. Wise choice. The employees are generally screened and have work experience regarding care such as bathing. A Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA) holds a license with the State and is accountable for care given. If you still feel a bit uneasy, you can install cameras all over your home since this is your private property it is entirely legal. I would not do the bathroom, but most others you can. You can check in from time to time and see what is going on through your smartphone and they will know they can be watched at any time. YOU lay out the rules upfront. No smoking on the premises..not even outside. You tell them what they can and cannot do. You can also tell them no computer tablets, books, or texting allowed while they are on duty..and remember the cameras are watching.

I hope you find a good match. Trial period, supervision, cameras, all excellent suggestions. My recent attempt to hire just small amount of assistance for myself, post-op has been mixed. The first gal has her own home health business, but she really was wanting to sit and be a companion, not wanting to do much in the way of a small amount of very light housekeeping. Lasted two weeks. Then I found a local gal to stop by an hour after her job, which turned into her giving me twenty minutes each day, billing out at an hour each day. What part of work do they not understand.....
I cut the second one loose, as she’s doing almost nothing anyhow, and I’m over the hump, getting stronger, now that the post-op complications have been handled.
If for no other reason, go through an agency, to protect yourselves legally.

We had one for my father, she was delightful, caring, and very professional. This is what they do all day...go out, and do what you have to do, she will be in good hands.

Four hours????? For a bath????

Hooey. Go to a different agency.

Are you in a terribly remote location so that the aides would have to drive miles and miles to get to you or something, though?

But in any case - don't scoot out of the door the second the aide turns up! Give the relationship a little while to develop, then go out for short periods, before you leave them to cope on their own.

If you currently have a computer as well as smart phones, the camera suggestion should work for you. Given the advancement of the technology there are many affordable choices.

Do your research on the agency. A good one will establish a relationship with you to relieve your concerns and they will be flexible on minimum hours requirements. You may pay a couple bucks more per hour, but it will be well worth it!

I used an agency with my parents and with my husband. All three got excellent care and there were no problems in my home. The agency provided copies of their licensing and also their bonding. All had complete background checks. No problems with them not showing up or being late.

If makes you nervous then why add to your problems and concerns. Can you look into adult day care, not for the bathing but for your own respite time?

If you have only contacted one place, I would suggest calling around to other places. The one we hired had NO weekly minimum, only a one hour/day minimum. There was no bathing or other real "work" to be done, just a sanity check (she lived alone) and ensure meds were taken (they can't dispense meds, but can look at the dispenser we had set up and point out her meds if they were not taken that day.)

There has to be more than one agency around - check the others. IF this is standard for your area, then I would do as others suggested - get used to the person before leaving them alone with MIL and trust your inner instincts. If they seem competent and productive, then start slowly with going out and see how it goes.

Having wi-fi cameras installed is useful, so you can monitor things when you are not there. If the care-giver(s) are aware of them, they might be more apt to be useful...

Since their weekly minimum is 8 hours, with 4hr blocks, 2/week would give you some "respite", which isn't a bad thing - just observe for a while and when you feel more comfortable with them being there, then go out.

If you get home health care from recognized agencies, you can rely on them to be in your house alone with mom. They are trained for patient care and their duties are specific and they are supervised closely. When you sign up for home care the supervisor, who is an RN, will come to you and interview you for your needs, including patient care and integrating with your own time out requirements. If you are looking for help with bathing, these Aides are excellent in this service, and not only that but they are experienced and notice things like skin sores that need prompt treatment. My wife and I have had this service for about two years, from first call for one morning a week - wake up, bathe, dress, feed breakfast - which expanded to daily service as my wife's illness progressed, and also to two other times during the day for changing of diapers. Maybe MIL does not need this yet, but the service is there. If all you want is coverage for an evening out, you might find other services more affordable since they would only be adult sitters. Unless you need more than bathing, like medication, wound care or therapy, service in 4 hour segments seems excessive. For bathing you should not need more than 2 hours, I should think.

Licensed agencies should be reliable to provide the needed care. My MIL had round the clock care for several months until she got a live in, full time caregiver. We live in Florida and she lives in Hawaii (per her choice). Her care providers were polite, thorough and competent. She only had 3 women help her when she had rotating home health aides. We never had a problem.

Since you are concerned about new people in your home that will be "unsupervised". Consider having a trial period for each of the caregiving members. Stay home and observe their care of your MIL. They should provide the hands-on care in a way that preserves MIL's dignity and with gentleness. The care should be thorough. They should speak respectfully to her and you. They should engage in polite conversation with MIL and never talk about their own troubles or ask for money. As for their evening period, I suggest they come early enough to provide all the necessary evening care (should be at least 1 hour's worth) and stay until she is asleep, longer if she tends to get up at night or has problems settling. You need to decide with your hubby if you want caregivers to cook and feed her dinner... with or without you present.

As you come to know these folks, go out for short periods and arrive home "unannounced". You'll see if the caregiving is consistent, whether you are there or not. As your comfort improves by seeing consistency, you may feel more comfortable to regain your usual evening schedule with your husband - including evenings out.

Agencies in my area are all four hour blocks with 8 hour per week minimum.

Have Aide come in morning like 9am - 1pm to wash & dress her ...maybe bed bath is more practical if there’s mobility issues. Have breakfast prepared & just have Aide re heat ...or put cold cereal in bowl & all Aide has to do is add milk (& berries?) ....Even have clothes picked out for her & Aide can put them on her. Write any instructions or reminders on paper as well as verbally tell Aide what you want done. Morning will be better for mother instead of evening...if there’s any dementia, sundowning avoided. Be there first time if Aide is new to introduce her to mother. Then when everything set up, you & hubby can go out to diner or something for brunch. But don’t get someone in that your mother never saw before & you’re not there & Aide can get overwhelmed & frustrated & want to leave & not want to come back if your mother gets agitated. Hang around for first time for at least an hour to see how Aide interacts w mother. Good luck! Hugs 🤗

We used an aid for bathing but bathing and dressing Luz was all she could do. We did use a companion service so I could go out for supplies and food.
Four hour minimum for companion service. Companion helped with toilet issues and cleaning Luz after, either prepared foods or snacks, helped her eat when necessary. Other than reminder Luz to take meds on her own or inform me when she did not. The companion would keep the areas around Luz clean and organized.
The bath aid would be here for about an hour and was paid for by medicare. That is the was it was requested and scheduled by rehab upon release from rehab.
The only thing we needed an aids medical assistance on was applying the wound cream after the bath. The visiting nurse did the eval on the wound.
Leaving her alone with the companion did take some getting used to and I did worry the entire time I was out of the house.
All in all this worked for us. I hope you find the assistance you need but shop around and ask questions.

I wouldn’t do it. You want to be there to make sure your MIL is properly cared for and you want to be there at least until you really get to know who it is that is in your home.
also the caregiver may have questions and/or you will need to give her information and guidance on the care.
I would not have anyone in the house unsupervised until I was absolutely sure that they were competent, treated your MIL the way she and you like and is trustworthy.

I would not leave a stranger alone in my home and especially NOT with a vulnerable senior citizen without being present to oversee behaviors a few times. No way. You need to be there to monitor before putting trust in them. Also, you should be there to answer any questions. Hope you get 1 or 2 'regulars' to work for you that you can learn to trust. I've had household items stolen (with me there!) and who knows what would happen to my LO if I left them alone without 'vetting' them a few times to see what they are about. Also, lock away all banking information (letters, statements, checks, monies, etc) and other valuables (jewelry, etc.) Don't be naive. Be thorough and cautious. Good luck~

I agree with others to "shop around" other agencies with less hours of required care to suit your LO's needs.  We went with an agency that had a 2-hr minimum.  I agree that you shouldn't leave them alone from the first day...but I am assuming that MIL is living in your house and you probably won't be going out every evening, your DH just wants the option of being able to, so you will probably be there to sort of shadow their work and get a feel of who the agency sends.  Keep in mind that in rare occasions you get the same Caregiver every time...some times they send several through the week. 

If by any reason you don't feel that they are a good fit, either with you and/or DH (because it is YOUR house) or with MIL, make sure you let the Agency know.  I lost count of how many emails I sent the agency about Caregivers that just were not a match!  Most of the time I would give a feedback email the first time, but if the behavior continued or we got new things that didn't work, that was it...scratched off the list of acceptable caregivers to be scheduled.  We lucked out with a few of them that were amazing and established a great relationship with my mother.  But some people take the job of caregiving without having the proper calling for it!  Or maybe is personality match problems.  You will go through a few before you find the right match.

Your house, your rules...some aids are used to just going to the clients house, not family members, and can get things confused as to what they can or should do.  Establish a clear care plan, cameras are your friend, locked doors if you will be leaving them alone are also a good idea.  Labels are also your friend...I had to separate and label snack bins so they stopped taking my son's school snacks! 

Best of luck!  And practice deep breathing...you may need it!

My Papa lives alone, but he shouldn’t (stubborn old fart). He has an aide we all love, that comes in 4 days a week for 3 hours each shift. There have been one or two that could have been better, but one that we had to replace.

Just try one and see. Good aides are worth their weight in gold. It’s a very transitional market. Their pay is very low.

Have you considered having the caregiver come to bathe your MIL while you are home and then when you feel comfortable with them, leaving your home for increasing amounts of time? This option should allow everyone to adjust. Please be clear with the caregiver about her tasks and responsibilities and verify she is bonded and insured. Don't be afraid to ask for references. Hiring through an agency may be your best bet. The local hospital or your state department of aging are good sources for hiring caregivers. Good luck!

In my state, my family and I contacted IOA , Institute on Aging , who interviewed my dad and asked us what we want the caregiver to do for my dad. They are bonded. and insured. I stay at home when the caregiver is here and I give him or her instructions on how to give my dad a shower. We have a shower chair and a shower mat with suction cups inside the shower floor along with grab bars inside and outside the shower door. May Almighty God continue to bless you each and every day. I am praying for you and your family.

Put up some cloud cams in a few rooms and you can watch and listen to what’s going on while you are gone.

The home care my parent and I had were Awesome!
Highly recommend using a home care helper from a trusted source.

Established agencies (like Visiting Angels) are licensed, bonded and insured and do all the background checking. I strongly advise against hiring a private individual! Make sure all critical and sensitive paperwork is locked away in a file cabinet or fireproof safe during every visit. No checkbooks, bank statements, passports, credit/atm cards, drivers licenses, jewelry, etc.) Make sure there are no prescription medications accessible where someone could take a few pills without noticing. Sometimes theft is not premeditated, sometimes happens because of opportunity. We've been using Visiting Angels for years and love the service and the caregiver.

I'm dating a gentleman who owns a Comfort Keepers franchise. They send Home Helpers to give the main caregiver a break in the home. Make sure all important documents, papers, and valuables are locked away in a safe place, and this may be a good time to take pictures of and document the value of such items; take pictures of any receipts of valuable items in your home as well and keep them in a folder in a secured place (such as a locked cabinet door). If you have a safety deposit box at your bank, this would be a good time to put smaller valuable items and documents in that safety deposit box.
If you find someone you are comfortable with who is bonded and insured, it is a good idea to stick around for the first few visits to feel it it's a good fit for your loved one. Some agencies offer a "home review" where the owner or one of the office workers comes to your house to give you tips on home safety before you get started. They will review the living situation and give helpful tips about potential trip hazards, safety issues, and security issues that you might not have noticed. For instance, throw rugs, pets, and appliance cords are often mentioned. Bank statements, mail, and bills are often left out in the open as well.

Once you start feeling comfortable with the person (or a few different people) , you can leave and run errands, attend events, and catch up with friends, but I would strongly suggest surprise "pop in" visits when the caregiver is not expecting you. You might say you forgot your wallet or sunglasses, if you feel a need to give a reason for your unannounced drop-in. There is usually a four hour minimum because the worker has drive time and paperwork to fill out for every visit; those are just a couple of reasons for that minimum. Do not lend money or give valuables to any caregivers; they will only ask for more, and it leads to an uncomfortable relationship. I'm just giving you tips for prevention. An ounce of prevention is MORE than worth a pound of cure for sure!!

Ideally you would want to be home while the MIL is being bathed. Also a tip that I used when my mother was in an NH - I had her lie in the bed while I bathed her via using a tub of warm, soapy water and washed her entire body in stages so that she wouldn't get chilly. May I add that my late mother was a VERY modest woman, BUT she loved it!💞💞

What do you think will happen? - some theft? .... they know they would be suspect so it mostly won't happen

Stay for 15 to 20 minutes for first two times to cover issues that arise - don't always arrive back at same time - make a professional environment with that person[s] so that they feel they are a part of your team but also if it makes you more comfortable secure any truly valuable items [probably not necessary but if it helps you do it] -

FYI ... they are not going to go through your cupboards & rate you on how 'good' they look so what is really your problem? - given the work they need to do then the most will happen will be that they actually finish with enough time to sit down & call family members -

98% are just wanting to do their job & get home but there might be that other 2 % to deal with .... so do you want to ignore a chance to get out 'just in case' or do you want to make the most of chances put in front of you ..... your choice!

Make sure the company is fully insured and bonded.. Make sure your insurance covers for direct injuries, if they claim they hurt themselves by moving MIL.

I knew a couple who had caretakers,, not sure if they were with so n so corp., but the one person sued, and couple lost their home...

So ask her doctor for hospice evaluation... This will get someone out 2x a week for bathing. It can't hurt to ask dr or health insuramce about that stuff.