New here. Single, only child desperately needing advice. Where do I start in regards to getting care for previously very independent mom?

You've gotten some good advice to consider. I'd only add that you might contact your own physician and request a short term prescription for anti-anxiety meds, as needed, to help get you through this.

It sounds like your mother has been remarkably well all her life, and that this is her first health crisis (?). So of course this crisis inevitably brings up a ton of worries and anxiety ....not only about her mortality but your own mortality, aging, fears about running out of money, balancing career with family, making major decisions for someone else that you love, fear of being alone and in ill health, guilt issues, plus your sheer exhaustion making it harder to think clearly or take action. Okay, come to think of it - that's how I react, but I think it's kind of an universal reaction to this kind of situation.

Of course there are alternatives to tranqs, such as meditation, exercise, massage, therapy, etc. So getting a RX for tranquilizers may not be a good solution for you. But think about what would help you cope with your mom's situation so you can be less afraid.

You will be okay, but I want you to feel this way, too.

Ask her doctor for a formal assessment of whether mom could live in assisted living. In some, she can take her dog with her. Her home in the country could be sold to pay for this. A continuum of care facility would be best for her so that you don't have to find another place for her when she has to step up to a higher level of care.

Anything else - such as your having to make repeated trips to mom's country place or moving her in with you - is way too much for you to handle. If she's in a nice AL, she'll have a community and others to take care of her needs. Obligating yourself to do everything for her for years to come is NOT a good idea.

You say that she's independent - help her to retain as much independence as possible in a place where she'll have professional care. And her dog.

This is scary but it's not going to get any easier from here on for an aging parent. Stop and breathe!!! You've come to the conclusion that she can't be alone and you can't be there? What does mom have to say about this? Hiring 24/7 and taking care of a pet is tough. Anyone on Moms side that can help? Dads side? My mom had afib and congestive heart failure and it really knocked her out too! She might take a long time to recover, probably not as strong as before. Is it time for her to move? You know you can't be there unless you can take a leave of absence,if mom can afford help, she can help support you temporarily. You are just processing the truth about your mom isn't going to be the same strong independent woman she was, it's painful.
Its a tough job becoming the caregiver and best if you can find a place that can care for mom as you'll be tied up with other matters as bills, paying medical premiums, homeowners insurance and or selling the property. That's enough stress along with working! You need to discuss this with mom,tell her how you feel. Saying mom,I'm scared is a good place to start. Nobody has all the answers and you'll have many more questions later. I know that it becomes overwhelming and you just have to stop and take care of yourself first, its not selfish, it's reality. You can't be of any help to anyone if you are worrying yourself sick.

Is she still a patient in the hospital? If social services hasn't contacted you, ask your mom's nurse to get the ball rolling on that. Social services are a group inside the hospital and they assist families with the very things that are worrying you.

My 91yo mom has A-fib, CHF, a pacemaker, and was discharged after a bout of community-acquired pneumonia with plural effusion. After about a month and a half, she is basically back to where she was before it all happened. I'm not saying your mom can recover like this but don't lose hope just yet.

Maybe (MAYBE) she will be okay going back home with a home health service with some services 100% covered by Medicare. At the least, you can have someone in home to assist her and her dog. I'm a huge pet lover (dogs especially) and my mind immediately thought of doggy daycare as a temporary solution while you're at work.

Good luck. Stay strong!

You do not mention memory issues so this is pure heart failure. I live in a senior community in my own home. My next door neighbor has multiple heart issues. His family is more than 30 min away. He will check with is neighbors first but does not hesitate to call 911 when he has troubles.
Another person in ny bocce group was newly diagnosed in December. He had your moms symptoms. It too a few weeks for meds to kick in but he is actually back to work.
If you need piece of mind for a sitter for mom check it out but she might be fine soon. She might be able to open up to friends to check on her once in a while.
If your mom is mentally intact she can choose how to handle this. You should have a discussion with her about her expectations

Does your Mom have a good neighbor or local friend you can possibly let her dog out and give it the meds? Or contact a local Boy Scout or Girl Scout troop to find a volunteer for this? There may be a Shihzu rescue organization or person in proximity who may be able to help.

Nextdoor.com (for your Mom's location) is a great resource but be care to not give out too much info about your Mom, since I would consider her a vulnerable adult.

Is she a regular attender at a church? If so, contact that church office and let them know she needs some help.

Also consider social services for her county. Call and talk to them about options, or scheduling an in-home assessment for services.

I agree, take one thing at a time. Family leave can be taken in increments.

IMO, at 88 with CHF Mom is not going to bounce back. If Mom can afford Assisted Living, that would be a good choice and she can take her dog with her, if she can care for it. Her meds, if they knock her out maybe they need to be adjusted.

As someone said, have that talk with Mom. Don't ask her to decide right at that time. Tell her " I want you to think about what I am going to say".

You Can Post for Caregivers on Next door.com or Care.com I see woman who are Nurses or CNA's Looking for work . Also Nursing schools will Have people Looking for work .

Offer someone a room at her House to watch her - rent in exchange for care try Nesterly.com , Next-door .com or Care.com . people are willing to care for someone In exchange for reduced rent .

You can call your local Area Agency of Aging . Look on your county website , or your mother’s county. ( I’m not clear where Mom is right now at her house or yours ).

This agency can send a social worker out to do a needs assessment to help you figure out her care needs and if she can go to Independent Living or Assisted Living . Sell her house to pay for it ,

You’ll have to rehome the dog .
Some facilities let you bring pets but your Mom would have to be able to take care of it on her own. Sounds like she can’t do that.

Mom is 88 with CHF , don’t entertain the thought of her going back to her home to live by herself. Because this will happen again where she will end up in the hospital and you will be at square one , overwhelmed .

Mom is declining.

Good Luck .

Where was she sent from hospital? Home? Are you staying there right now with her? Didn't the hospital give you a social worker to help get her placed somewhere with care or a homecare agency? You aren't drowning. It just feels that way. One step at a time. Follow what Geaton and VegasGuy offered. You'll be okay. Hopefully, your mom will be back to her previous self soon, but meanwhile ask for help from social workers and her doctor. They can surely give references for care facilities or homecare. The dog can maybe be taken in by a neighbor or go to a kennel for a week or so. Ask for help wherever you think it can be given.

1) Have you used up your Family Leave time ? If not get on the horn immediately with HR to get the forms, submit to her primary care, that will buy you I think 3 months off to sort things out.

2) Start shopping for a care agency.

3) Do you have access to a social worker? Can her primary care refer one? She can help you find assisted living facilities,

You need to keep your own ship upright in this storm, because anything else won't be helpful to your Mom, even if she doesn't like the solution.

It may be best to explain that she *temporarily* needs more help than you can give her. She should hire a companion aid. Agencies are more expensive but provide more conveniences. Or, she think about selling her home and transitioning to a IL community near you, one with a continuum of care levels.

She has options but NONE of them can be you giving up your life and career. She needs to now think deeply and serious and realistically about the fact that seniors need more and more help. Almost no one stays at the same level then magically exits the earth. I'm there too, at 65 I've never had so many health issues in a single year than this one -- and it may or may not change. Your Mom is a grown adult who has had ample time to think this through. But you will need to have the conversation with her that you are not in the mix as her 100% solution. Give her time for this to soak in but defend this boundary. This forum is replete with posts of woe by adult children who were assumed into caregiving and it consumed their lives for the worst.

Make sure your Mom first and foremost has assigned you as her PoA. This is a dealbreaker. It will be exponentially more difficult if she doesn't assign you as her agent. Make sure she understands that without a PoA then the court will appoint a 3rd party guardian and you will have no control over any of her affairs.

After she creates a PoA, a Advanced Healthcare Directive/POLST, a Last Will & Testament then take her for an exam and request a cognitive/memory test so there is a baseline measurement in her chart.

You may need to take some time off (like a week) to help her figure things out. Try to eat the elephant one bite at a time. It will be messy at first but then as you come up with solutions, it will improve. Your Mom may or may not like the options you present her, but it is essential that your caregiving role is not onerous to you. If this happens, it means the arrangement isn't working.

I wish you all the best as you and your Mom work through this.