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I was given POA and the Dr filled out the expert evaluation for the court saying my mom is not capable of making decisions about any aspect of life, food, money, medical or housing. My mom's previous atty quit because my mom called her non-stop asking to revoke the POA because she wanted to go home. Her atty told me she believed my mom to not be of sound mind and she couldn't assist with revoking the POA. I have that in writing. Mom is 100% bedridden and can't feed, dress, or toilet herself, she's dependent for every aspect of living. Yet in her mind she's 100% capable of living on her own. As of today an atty filed a revocation of the POA at the county recorders office. I'm the last person in the family who would even attempt to deal with her on any level. Now, she's burned that bridge all because she wants to go home. It's really quite something how corrupt the NH's and lawyers can be. I mentioned in another post how the NH slow walked the expert evaluation to me by holding it for 3 weeks before mailing it, and it expires at 30 days. The atty magically filed on the 30th day. Little do they know I went to the Dr's office in person 3 days ago and the Dr rewrote it to give me a full month. The last thing I discussed at the Dr's office is that she wanted to revoke the POA and they chuckled and said, "that's not going to happen". Now that the POA IS revoked, I have no desire to try to save her from herself. She is now fully at the mercy of strangers who have nothing in mind but using her for a meal ticket just like they did before she ended up in the NH. They surrounded her like vultures taking turns showing up at her house, billing Medicare, and leaving her to deteriorate to the point of needing 3 months recovery time. In the Dr's evaluation it mentions that she was abused or neglected before entering the NH. Funny, how could that be? She had all those health care people circling her for a year. The last day she was home and has any memory, the visiting Dr's were there and they gave her a clean bill of health. The police said she was severely dehydrated when they found her on the floor the next day. The Dr's didn't notice that when they were there the day before? She had multiple scabs and bruises, but the Dr's reported no bruises or markings etc? How do I fight her and the criminals? If she doesn't want protected from them, I wash my hands of it. All the people in the family have been very supportive of me walking away. I should have done it long ago. But, I felt it was the right thing to stick by her. I get thrown under the bus decade after decade by her, and now I'm finally taking myself out of the mix. She plays the victim when she doesn't get her way. Once again, the well practiced con-man in her showed up and got her what she wanted. Good luck and good riddance. The real victim is exiting the building.

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Rosie, wishing you peace and good heath. Some people can't be helped because of their own demons.
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Rosie365 Aug 2022
Thank you. I'm 60 and have been holding my mother together since I was 14 when she started drinking. Enough is enough. Peace is something I haven't had in so long I forget what it's like, so I appreciate the wishes.
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Didn't realize a NH holds that much control. Keeping a lawyer on retainer is not cheap. And if Mom is Medicaid, they do not make much off of them. After 3 months on Medicaid, my Mom only owed them 6k, 2k a month. Medicaid does not pay what some privately pays. The State will now take over and a guardian assigned by a judge. Any money she has will need to go to her care and then Medicaid applied for. State now oversees her care.

In this situation, I probably wouldn't be accommodating with giving them info. Maybe give them the Bank she deals with but no paperwork I already had, like statements. Let them go thru the bank to get what they need. Sorry, you wanted control now u have it so she is your problem. Make it hard for them. Maybe "I need a formal request from your lawyer".

Yes, time to walk away. You have done the best for her over the last 46yrs. You can't do it anymore, your just beating your head against the wall. Take a deep breath. Go away somewhere nice. Block any calls from her or them. Its time for you now.
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Rosie365 Aug 2022
She is just coming out of rehab, the self pay would start on the 20th of this month. She can barely speak, and you can barely hear her. There is no was she found this atty herself. She has over $250,000 at stake before Medicaid would kick in. The only thing between them and her money was me. Now she's a sitting duck. I already have the complaint filled out for the bar. I'm mailing it as soon as the post office opens. I'm calling them at 8, and I'm going to be on the door step of the bank at 9 to show them the evaluation and alert the legal team of the elder abuse. Then the trouble begins for a lot of people. I'm pretty certain he's done this in many cases for them. If I handle it right, it will be his last.
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Perhaps for peace of mind (if it eludes you), contact APS and report a vullerable adult, report the attorney to the bar association and report the NH to it's licensing board for its transgressions.

THEN walk away. That way you'll have done all you could have to notify the proper agencies of the abuses and of her vulnerability.
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Rosie365 Aug 2022
APS was involved earlier in the year when EMS had to keep picking her off the floor. I asked palliative care to help me end the madness of her living home alone. They kept telling me it was her right.
I already have my list of calls for tomorrow morning. There will be reports made and bonds sought. What they did was money motivated and a blatant crime. I read (state supreme court disciplinary site about ethics) in the case of an elderly person with diminished capacity, who already has an atty in fact, the NEW atty should take 4-6 weeks, meet with family, the DR, and the POA before ANY decision is made. Even under emergency circumstances, the atty has to meet with family before any decisions are made. They are criminals. He walked in, and less then 72 hours she signed papers. By ANY standard, that's unethical.
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Just out of curiosity, the OP says "expert evaluation for the court". Was this a court-appointed visitor or just the NH doctor? Did the court declare her incapacitated/incompetent with the formal letters stating such?

Guardianship/Conservatorship supersedes all of these mind games. It would end the issue of her competence/capacities. If you don't want any more of the games, the state will take over and it will be done.

Walk away with having tried. Good luck to you and your future.
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Rosie365 Aug 2022
The NH dr did the expert evaluation for me to use to get guardianship. The social worker held it for 3 weeks claiming she didn't have my address. She has my phone number. They planned this take over of my mom' because I said we were going to be self pay. They never liked it from the beginning. They pre marked the box where the NH takes over the estate. I caught it and questioned why they prechecked the box. I'm finding that all nursing homes want the money up front during the application process.
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Rosie - read this link where I attached 2 news articles regarding care workers taking control of elder/impaired individuals to STEAL from their estates. They do this by getting GUARDIANSHIP of the person even though there is an involved family member with POA. BEWARE!! It appears you already had issues with some healthcare and social workers.

https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/this-sounds-like-elder-care-scam-beware-of-these-crimes-in-nursing-homes-476457.htm

This news article was in our local NJ paper and I thought it would be of interest and a WARNING to what can happen to someone.

'She says she was coerced into signing away her rights in a nursing home. When she got out, everything she owned was gone.'

https://www.nj.com/news/2022/08/she-says-she-spent-months-in-a-fog-in-a-nursing-home-when-she-left-everything-she-owned-was-gone.html

'How the Elderly Lose Their Rights
Guardians can sell the assets and control the lives of senior citizens without their consent—and reap a profit from it.'
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/10/09/how-the-elderly-lose-their-rights
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Rosie365 Aug 2022
This happens every day. These criminals will be countable for their choices soon. My mom shoots herself in the foot decade after decade, and every time it's in a childish fit because she isn't being appeased. This is just another chapter. As for guardians selling assets, not in my state. The wording states that hard assets can't be liquidated. But, I guess it depends who gets appointed. If they find a lawyer, they will get away with murder, as usual.
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*UPDATE* The guy mom hired is a serial criminal, 6 ethics charges in a 7 year period, and a 6 month license suspension under his belt. So, far that's what I can find on the guy. Going to court in 2 hours to get emergency guardianship. Sigh....this is such a mess.
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babsjvd Aug 2022
I’ve lost something here..

what guy ?
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Rosie, it seems there are so many breaches of law in this situation that it's hard to follow. I would agree with LongShot56 that there are serious issues, and I think plans to exploit your mother with collaboration between the NH and at least one of the attorneys.

If there is collaboration, it may rise to the level of intent to commit fraud, which I believe is a felony.

I would follow up with the Ombudsperson and file a complaint of elder abuse, but also report the attorney(s) involved to the State Bar for review. And I would research and locate the level of US attorney who could address this. I would also research to determine if there are other organizations, such as State Elder Law Centers, that offer some insight.

Is the nursing home a chain? If so, you could advise the home office of the situation as well as the fact that the employees (?) and administration have been involved in what appears to be fraud, and depending on the corporate structure, may involve the company at that level as well.

I'm sure there are more steps to filing a complaint against these shysters, but I'm not really sure what they are.

But it wouldn't hurt to search online to find an attorney who represents exploited elders; he/she would be more likely to know how to proceed in this complicated situation. An ordinary elder law attorney wouldn't ordinarily have this experience. You need someone with litigation experience, and if it's a firm instead of an individual, that's even better.
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JoAnn29 Aug 2022
If she can get guardianship, then nothing prior matters right now. This will give her the ability to take over her Moms care without question. Mom cannot have this revoked. Once she gets Mom all straightened out, then she can go after the others that took advantage of her Mom.
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Hey Rosie, I know you're super duper busy so only when you get a chance to post another update -- were you able to get the necessary first step of emergency GS/CS? Hope so and here's a tip of the glass to your tenacity.
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Rorientation, thanks for the update!

Yes, run for the hills, lol!

Does your daughter know how to "manage" your mother's tantrums?
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Ok, the "rest of the story". After a messy day in court, my mom now has a guardian. I was supposed to be appointed guardian, but I asked that a neutral party be appointed instead. What a ridiculous mess. The scoundrel atty is probably going to have big problems, and the NH will as well. From here on out, I will never allow myself to be appointed legal anything on behalf of anyone...ever. The system is broken and I learned my lesson. No good deed goes unpunished. The idiot atty tried to make me look like the bad guy, as though I were attempting to take advantage of my mom somehow. I bet if we compare who gets to bill her thousands of dollars and who doesn't....ummmm, that will pretty much show who is the advantage taker. If I ever even think about stepping up and caring for another person, someone kick me please. UGH All I can say is good luck to who ever is appointed to deal with this mess from here on out. End of story.
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Beatty Oct 2022
I just came across your thread & am horrified at the evils you have encountered.

I applaud your strength through this mess & the outcome of an neutral Guardian is a successful one.

I wish you all the very best going forward from here : this new line in the sand. I also truly hope the snakes get the punishment they deserve.

Thank you too. I have the scenario of applying for Guardianship for a LO looming into my future. I had always thought I would, until a Social Worker advised against. But I have also seen unscrupulous people already try to line their pockets by ripping of my LO. Not to the awful extent as you had.. but fills me with dread for the future. I have decided to take a leaf from your book & go the neutral Guardian route too.

Again, wishing you peace & a smoother path from here.
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I missed that this was an update. I hope that attorney is disbarred.
I would run, not walk away from Mom's care. I am relieved you have another guardian for her. It is difficult enough to do this job with an agreeable and loving and organized elder, as I did. And I could never attempt it for someone like your Mom. I sure thank you for this update.
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