No more sex ever for me??

Jacobsonbob,

I know some people don't like this subject. We should be able to talk about anything here going through what we go through, as long as it's respectful .

There have been 91 answers. It’s been covered. If you want to find a partner or whatever do it! If your husband was interested he would get involved.

When my husband was diagnosed with prostrate cancer the doctor and his nurse told me what would happen to my husband sexually. I am 11 years younger and they wouldn't do surgery without my consent first. I understand how you feel and I have been dealing with this going on 20 years. Memories are wonderful. I still hug him, kiss him, snuggle him and am satisfied. He recovered from prostate cancer and have been beside him the last 10 year with alzheimer's. I'm okay, but I have been advised by our health care professionals their are products on the market to utilize to satisfy your own needs. No, you're not the only one and I trust that you will continue to be a loving caring spouse. You certainly have lots of advice. Take care.

May I ask why your husband is bedridden? Is he ill or was he injured and became so?
It could very well be that your husband no longer sees himself as a man because of his condition. Very likely he's sad and depressed because he may think you no longer see him as a man and a husband. It's hard for a man who isn't elderly to have his wife do things like wipe his a**, empty a bedpan, give a bed bath, or change a diaper. So, he's turned off all affection towards you and that's his defense mechanism for coping with the situation you are both in. Is it possible for you to bring in some outside hired caregivers to help with some of the hands-on care? Your husband's lack of affection towards you would probably improve if someone else was taking care of some of it.
The two of you could benefit greatly from on-line couples' sex therapy. I'm not saying this to be funny because it's a real thing. Many couples in your situation who have a disabled partner are still able to enjoy a sexual relationship by learning different ways to have one.
Maybe your husband will be open minded to trying therapy.
If he is not, then you should not suffer. You could discreetly take a lover without your husband ever having to know. There's no need to hurt someone's feelings. Good luck to you both.

Right leolonnie1,

No problem, Lol

Thank you!

WorriedCA,

I was never asked to meet anyone here for adult activities..

I hate to sound like an old fuddy duddy but marriage vows are spoken for a reason. I'm sure that many a marriage has suffered and ended cause of a husband or a wife thinking they are entitled to sex outside of the marriage because of any number of reasons, physical problems, mental abuse etc. I was in a relationship once upon a time where the guy I was with used to insult me all the time and therefore I wasn't interested in sex anymore. He said to me "once the sex goes, I go" I said you think insulting me all the time is conducive to me wanting to have sex with you? Don't let the door hit your a** on the way out the door.

I think it's a slippery slope. What if you had a friend with benefits and suddenly it became more than a friendship? It's happened. They write books and do movies about it all the time. I know this is an old thread but if the OP is still reading I would suggest counseling and if this is something you feel you really can't live with end the marriage but don't go outside the marriage for gratification. Just my opinion.

Hi, I fully understand you're situation as I'm a 67 year old male, very lonely and would love a cuddle. My wife has vascular dementia and is in a nursing home. I must admit I feel very guilty about being very frustrated. I wonder at some point if like minded people could join a whatsapp group together to offer each other support?
Ah well, another day ahead!!

My husband has diabetes and is extremely overweight. We haven't had marital relations in a very long time - I'd say around 10 years. He doesn't snuggle, it makes him hot. He's almost a foot taller than I am. It seems we are more like siblings than married, but I love him with all my heart. We do smooch and hold hands and hug sometimes, especially hugs lately because we just had to put a much loved dog asleep.

It was hard for me to accept celibacy in the beginning, but once I got over my resentment and accepted it, it became a lot easier.

Best of luck to you.