In our family we takes turns spending night with our LO, the evening shifts starts at 3 on weekdays and 2pm on weekends and since the night shift from 9pm to 9am has gotten so bad with the constant up and down of restroom needs,the POA wants to step down and wants other sisters to pick up her shift.
I need advice!
- no one is obligated (legally, morally or ethically) to provides hands-on care for another
- no one can be assumed into a caregiving role or responsibility
- what is currently going on in your situation is unsustainable, and it will only intensify
The PoA is legally able to make a decision to spend this woman's money on hired caregivers. Or, to transition her into a good facility. If this woman doesn't have the financial means to do either, no one should be spending their money on it, as this is also unsustainable and foolish.
Then the PoA should resign, everyone should step away from helping her and report her to APS as a vulnerable adult. APS will acquire guardianship and they will take care of all her needs. At first, this will cause the group to probably feel guilty and terrible but then I promise that things will improve for everyone.
There really aren't other reasonable options unless this care group wants to go down with the ship.
So here is my advice. It is time to regroup. Consider that it is time to find some hired help until the next person drops out. No one should be obligated to help out as a volunteer. The easy situation has now become more difficult. As you now should see the designated night persons have a job to stay awake for safety reasons. Add this to the caregivers own daily household needs. This is becoming unsustainable.
I am now going to get a little harder on you. Your profile says you are caring for your mother but it seems you are not the POA. So how are you defining POA after I mention that the real meaning is to handle the financials? Do you want to take on more of the load from the POA? I take it you are one of the sisters seeking advice so you are getting it. Again, do have a family meeting because it is time to make changes. Your POA is getting burned out
Just stop the home care and get her into a facility. That way the responsibility for scheduling the night shift is no longer yours.
Who is the POA who would replace her on the POA document? The second or alternate?
Does the loved one have dementia?
All these facts make a huge difference in any answer.
If LO is not demented then a POA simply resigns at will by mail, saying they cannot or do not wish to continue in this duty. They then turn over all records to the succeeding person or the next person appointed by the LO. They notify all banks and other entities.
If the LO is demented and there is a second, it still remains a simple matter of resignation and seeing that the other second/alternate is put in place by helping to make that so.
If there is no second, and there is DEMENTIA, the the LO cannot appoint anyone else and this is a tougher legal matter, requiring the help of APS OR elder law attorney to do official resignation to the court, who will help get another family member or the state appointed as conservator.l
If the POA wishes the LO placed, and the LO cannot make own decisions, then the POA can do that, thus relieving self of hands on care (and at the same time relieving all others).
More details here will get you a better answer.
Wishing you best of luck.
Visit 24/7 care facilities and find the best one for mom. Then make sure she gets there. You can sell her house or other assets to pay for her care. That's what people do when they get to the point where your family is now. She'll have a social life there, and many people to look after her. She'll have regular meals and activities that stimulate her more than sitting at home all day ever could.
"No, we can't sell Mama's house! We all grew up there, chasing fireflies in the summer, eating 'maters from the garden!"
That was then and this is now. Her needs supersede any sentimental attachment to a house. Your needs do too. And you ALL need out from under the burden of sacrificing your lives for your loved one.
Good luck as you move ahead to a more sustainable plan.