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My MIL has been in and out of the hospital this whole year and is now in a nursing home. Over the past year we've seen some signs of forgetfulness or irrational decisions that made us raise an eye-brow, but nothing too concerning. Over the past 3-4 months her mental state has rapidly declined.
She is on oxygen, she was on morphine for pain in January, but they have got her down to oxycodone once a day if needed. She did have a UTI a few weeks ago, but that has cleared up - I know all of these can affect her mental state. She's only 65, but has had a long lifetime of health problems.


She is very confused and becoming combative with nurses. She has no grasp of time and is showing obvious short-term memory loss. My husband will talk to her and she will seem fine and understand about why she is in there and then the next minute she's texting all of the family that the nurses are trying to kill her, withholding her medication (which is not true), she doesn't know why she's there, etc. She will have good days and a complete 180 the next day, saying she's going to call an Uber and take herself home because she can't live like this anymore. We haven't requested any cognitive tests yet, bc she's in a terrible nursing home and we're focused on trying to get her transferred to be closer to us (4 hours away).


I'm not sure what I'm hoping from this rambling post. We're just at our wits end. No matter how hard we try to make things better for her she ends up somehow making things worse for her self.

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You may find it challenging to have Mum moved if she is combative. There have been posts here where people are trying to move a family member but new nursing homes see the behaviour history and say no.

You may find having a geriatric psych evaluation first is in Mum's best interest. Then you will all know what you are dealing with and whether or not there is medication to help with the symptoms.
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Can’t she have medical/psych testing outside of the nursing home she’s currently living in? When my mother was in a NH we took her out for appointments with specialists. Sounds like your MIL needs a complete evaluation so you have a better picture of what you’re dealing with. It will also help get her next placement correct when she’s moved, like the choice between nursing care and memory care.
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If I were you I'd get the cognitive exams done so you know what you're dealing with. How can you treat something that's a mystery? For all you know she may have early onset ALZ and she's not "making things worse for herself"...her poor brain my be broken and it's not her fault. I do agree that getting her into a good facility that's close to you is important, but so is a correct diagnosis so she can be properly treated. It's not easy and there are many on this forum who have been in your shoes.
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If she can do without the oxycodone, or if there is a non-opioid alternative available for her, it might be worth stopping it altogether for long enough to see if it is a culprit. Ask her doctors.

I'm sure you are at your wits' end and I do sympathise with how stressful and frustrating this must be for you and your DH; but "making things worse for herself"? Do you want to share anything more about that?
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For now, take the phone away. Its not fair to the people she calls to listen to her rantings. Sympathy in the beginning gets old after a while. Make sure staff knows u have taken it.
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