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I am currently 1 week into a 2 week trip to the UK and the trip has been filled with stress and worry. My mom’s liver disease recently took a turn for the worse. She experienced an episode of esophageal varices that landed her in the hospital for days while I was on a work trip. Luckily she survived and I was able to fly home the next morning. She’s been living with me for 4 years, but since that latest episode I have had to be extremely hands on with everything from her diet, to exercises, to medication schedule. This trip was planned long before any of this, and even though she’s taken good strides, and my brother has even flown in town to help monitor, I just can’t shake the feeling of feeling guilty that I’m on vacation, and truthfully feeling fear that something is going to happen while I’m away again. She’s being so great and keeping me assured and wants me to enjoy my trip but it’s so hard. All I want to do is to be home and see her and know that she’s ok. On the other hand I know I should be enjoying this, and living in the moment. It’s a funny balance of wanting to enjoy myself but just not being able to get there mentally. I know I need a break, and to relax a bit but just can’t. Any advice?

I really really wish I could be on a vacation to the UK instead of dealing with unrelenting caregiving problems! Count your blessings.

Even if you were home, if something were to happen it would happen. Trust your brother to take care of mom and have a good time while you can.
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Anxietynacy Jun 29, 2024
Fawn, I second that!!
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Enjoy your trip and stay off of this Forum
during your trip . You don’t need reading these downer situations on vacation .

Worry fixes nothing . I was so used to waiting for the phone to ring for the next emergency . I lived 2 miles away from my parents .

When I went to Hawaii , I told myself that I was too far away to do anything , no matter what happened . That was the most relaxing wonderful trip I’ve ever had .
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OMG!!! Just stop already and enjoy your fricking trip!!!
Your mom is in good hands with your brother and you've more than earned this time away from your real world back home.
I can only guess that for some odd reason that you don't believe that you deserve to have a good time away from your caregiving duties and your mom, which in reality is really messed up.
You apparently are a doom and gloom kind of person, always waiting for the next shoe to drop, instead of living in the moment and enjoying the wonderful opportunity before you that most of us would kill for(well not literally kill, but you get the point).
When you get back home I hope you will perhaps schedule an appointment with a good therapist to try and uncover why you feel you don't deserve to have fun.
But in the meantime get out there in the UK and enjoy this perhaps once in a lifetime trip!!!
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Anxietynacy Jun 29, 2024
Luv you funky grandma
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Take this from someone who was a worrywort. Worrying does not change what will happen. Mom is going to go when she goes. My Mom was on hospice at her NH actively dying. I took my nephew in to say his goodbyes, I said goobye and we left. 20 min later Mom was gone. Moms friend was being discharged from the hospital. Her daughter left her room to do something and when she came back, her mother had passed. Your Mom may go in her sleep. You may go get her a glass of water and come back and she is gone. There is no guarentee that you will be there when Mom takes her last breath.

I am with Lea, if you can't enjoy your trip to England time to come back.
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Can you FaceTime with your mom?
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Anxietynacy Jun 29, 2024
I wouldnt do that, mom might pore on the guilt, might make things even harder.

Put mom out of your mind and live in the moment
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You owe yourself a wonderful restful vacation so you can go back home and start fresh dealing with your mother's care again. Your brother is there. If something happens he will call you and you can figure out what to do. But stop feeling guilty. I know it is easier said than done but you need to relinquish control for the duration of your vacation. It is important for you that you do this.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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Sarah I had this problem also, couldn't stop thinking about my mom, finally gave up vacations.

Then I realized,with the help from this forum and other avenues, what the constant worry was doing to me. You can't keep that anxiety inside of you without it hurting your physical and mental health. So I said something in my life HAS to change.

I realized that my husband deserves me to be all in when we are together, as much as I can be. Last month took a vacation and did awesome, when I thought about mom, inside my head I would yell at myself to stop. If it got bad I'd do mindfulness, to be here in the moment, and so my brain wasn't with mom.

Google mindfulness or meditation, different tricks work for different people. I do the rules of 3 .close your eyes , take 3 deep breaths, smell 3 things and hear 3 things. It helps put me in the here and now.

Best of luck , if I think of anything else latter I'll be back.

Also remember YOU deserve this, you deserve to be happy
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Anxietynacy Jun 29, 2024
And have a blast for all of us caregivers! And id suggestions, don't even buy your mom something, this is about you! My last vacation I really had to put effort in that one. But I did it. I told myself, no save the room in the luggage for ME. Lolol
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My advice is to go home. If you cannot enjoy yourself on this vacation, then what's the point of taking a break? Go home and wait until mom passes before you plan another trip.

Best of luck to you.
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