Whispered it to me. No support for my dad. They won't change doctors.The doc will not address the issue with them. He prescribed coconut oil for memory problems. Dad won't consider another doctor. Mom is in what it obviously mid-range Alzheimer's. My dad can't cope. I'm trying to help but I can't move in. Don't know where to go to find out what home care they can afford. They need someone to clean, cook sometimes, remind her to take her meds and keep her company when he can't take it any more. Help!
When I got my loved one in, I spoke at length with the staff in advance of the appointment. I explained that the visit was made by my insistence. That my loved one was in denial, but that it was an URGENT matter. I also typed up a letter detailing what was going on, for example, that she had stopped paying bills, had no food in the house, could not operate the air conditioner, was disoriented, REPEATING same thing over and over every 5 minutes, made calls to 911 from confusion, suffered repeated falls, etc. These types of things in writing to the doctor can help them ask the right questions. He doesn't have to show them the letter.
ALSO, if the doctor is hesitant, I would BEG him to refer her to a specialist so she can have a Neuropsychological evaluation. He won't be the one making the diagnosis, but he can faith it is correct.
It's concerning that her doctor is not more interested. She may need treatment and services for her care that she may be denied without a proper diagnosis.
Of course, unless they are allowing him to fully communicate with you, you aren't really sure what he is telling them. Maybe, he has told them she has dementia and they are in denial and not being upfront with you. There is a lot to sort out.
The Ltd aspect is the other reason you need another doctor on bosrd, one who can make an accurate assessment of her current abilities for the insurance company. Also, s/he should be able to give you a good idea of what type of help mom needs.
I found a geriatric neuro group specializing in memory and aging through our local acute rehab center. A university hospital might also have such a department, with neurologists, neuropsychologist and social workers. Mom said, "if they tell me I'm crazy, I know I'm not". That's how she processed the evaluation, which included a two hour session of cognitive and reasoning tests.
To say the least, to whisper the news to you and then offer no help dealing with it is not fair to you at all. I have no idea why they assume we understand when the territory is all new to us and the emotions are overwhelming, but it happened to me A LOT.
My simple advise to you, even though it will involve yet more trips to doctors and more $$....is to get a 2nd opinion for your mother if you take her and you pay for it. (Maybe you can take her "shopping" some morning.) No offense to any of the guys on the forum, here...but most elderly men are not receptive to any change, especially if the outcome will not be welcome news.
Make an appointment and just take mom. Tell her that you're going shopping, whatever you need to do to get her there. Remind her that this doctor is not "instead of", s/he's in addition to her regular doc.