My grandmother has been in a nursing home for 2 years and probably as a result, has lost the will to live. SInce I do not live nearby, I've been told by my mother she is not eating or drinking and sleeps almost all the time and does little if anything since her physical condition is so frail. She is probably only days from death. Her mental faculties are still good and recognized and read some cards I sent to her. I feel so helpless, and feel like we're all just on a deathwatch here. Due to the distance, I'm unable to see her. My mother is doing regular visits to her, but is unable to get her to eat or drink.
How does one deal with a person that's lost the will to live? I dread the coming days, and feel bad for unable to do anything to or for my grandmother. Why would someone lose the will to live when we all want her to stay with us? I have never had a close death in the family and do not know how to deal with this.
I am so happy for you that you have had this beloved grandparent through your childhood and into adulthood. She has been a part of your life, and her death doesn't erase that.
Death is inevitable for each of us. It is not your grandmother's fault for "giving up." It is not your mother's fault for not being able to get her to eat. It is the way the world works. When a body starts shutting down, eating and drinking cease to be of value.
You think that Grandmother has lost the will to live because she is in a nursing home. I suspect that she is in a nursing home because her health has declined, and she has been on this final journey toward the end of life for some time. It is being on the journey that has caused the need for the nursing home -- not the nursing home that has caused the journey.
The only way to avoid the pain and feelings of helplessness you are experiencing now is to never have someone in your life who has made such a positive difference that you will miss them. I am glad your life has not been that empty.
Stay in close touch with your mother as this drama unfolds. Comfort each other. Celebrate with each other the joy it has been to have had Grandmother as a part of your life.
the senior population suffers greatly from depression. this is because that they see the end is near. their lives are consumed of memories of the past. for some there is little to look forward to, particularly if they live in a care center.
the hope is that your loved one is as happy as possible as they move through this difficult stage of their life. the immediate care giver is also in great need of support, assistance, relief and love during this period.
oldbeagle, just love your grandmother & be there for her as you are able. There comes a time in some lives when death is desired, whether to join loved ones or because someone is just tired. While it is hard to lose someone you love, it is likely to be harder to look back at what we ask of them for our own needs.
I think being with someone through their final days/weeks/months is a privilege few are given, having been through it twice in recent years.
Know that there is support to help you through as we can.
it gives good insight on how those who are transitioning from this world to the next.
It sounds as though you are still able to find comfort in your time with your grandmother, and I hope that she finds the same with you. Just being there with someone through this may be the greatest gift we can give and receive.
In truth, nothing is ever simple. Finding the right trigger that will 'give her something to live for' could take much hard effort over a long period of time. You may have neither the strength nor the time. Even if you try your hardest, you might not find that 'something' which kindles the spark.
That spark could be giving her something to look forward to - the long awaited marriage of a favourite grandchild, or the birth of a new child. Or it might simply be a case of encouraging an interest that she has long forgotten - knitting, reading (or listening to someone reading). Sometimes a common 'enemy' can bring colour and life into a grey endless existence. Some facilities allow a pet to visit. There are programs (in Australia at least) where specially trained dogs are brought in to bring love and light to those in aged care.
Often people lose the will to live because they cannot contribute to or engage with life. Every day is the same, there's nothing to look forward to, their lives are full of "can'ts" and they feel little more than a burden.
Finding the right key can be very difficult and sometimes there is no 'right key'. Sometimes you cannot breathe new life into others. And sometimes you can.
I hope that helps a little. It's a hard situation and, truly, you may be able to positively influence her - or you might not. Please don't be too hard on yourselves if you cannot.
Take care
equinox
First, I realize that this is not a medical site, but a Caregiver's Site. (upper case mine for emphasis).
The end may very well be near for this patient, however, it is not a time to play God.. Is there an Advanced Directive? A so-called "Living Will", and what does it say? Is it clear with signatures?
I am a strong believer in hydration, right up until the end. Give an IV solution ( 2% normal saline or less). Morphine, if needed, can also be administrered through an IV. Hydration will make the pt more comfortable. Apply a hot water bottle or an electric heating pad to the feet, even in summer. I assume that the building is air-conditioned. Is there anyway that you can be there from now on?
Hugs to you.
Ditto what everyone said...
What was his mood before the surgery? What does the tcu staff say about his lack of eating? Have the therapists been informed of his exhaustion after the sessions?
Looking forward to some more background, to be able to comment on this. Meanwhile, hugs to you in this distressing situation.