Point being I thought people suffering from dementia changed their minds and their moods all the time and forgot things. My mother has decided again that I've done something horrible to her and I'm holding her hostage IN HER OWN HOUSE. She keeps saying "I hope you go back to being nice" and when I tell her I'm not doing anything and try to change the subject I've tried all the "how to deal with your demented parent". Changing the subject, being nice, leaving the room for an hour or two and wait for her to 'change' if only for a moment. It doesn't work anymore. She still has this big grudge against me for all I've done wrong and stubbornly sits there like a pouty storm cloud. . She accuses ME of creating tension in the house. Last night I was eating dinner and she goes "I hope you stop this". I'm like "I'm not doing anything I'm eating dinner". She says "I'm talking about before." I guess she blames me for her dementia. We've been having live ins since my surgery 7 wks ago and everyone of them just shakes their head. One even asked her to please stop because I wasn't doing anything. (of course she's gone because according she was horrible and said horrible things to her) What do I do when everything I've tried doesnt' work?
Kedwards, your situation reminds me of what goes on here. Many times my mother's behavior can give me an attitude, which I am sure she picks up on. Then she blames me for creating the situation. I know I was just responding to things she did or said, but to her I was the problem. We learn to respond to bad things they do or say by ignoring or walking away. But these things can be seen as hostility. It does create a tense atmosphere when it happens a lot. The only thing we can do is try to let the tension ease in ourselves and know we're doing the best we can.
So I suppose, similarly, this is about a release of tension or emotion that is absolutely nothing to do with anything you have ever said or done. Good news, you've nothing to feel guilty about. Bad news, there's nothing you can put right. Hideous.
How long has she been doing this? Do you think it's connected with the interruption in her care when you were having your surgery (hope you're recovering well, by the way)? Other than hoping that it's a passing phase, if she's just got an idée fixe in her head based on some fictional narrative I'm not sure there's a lot that would change it. How much longer do you think you can put up with it? Apart from the aides, is there anyone else who can visit who seems to get her out of this foul mood?