Parents are 87, and 92 (Dad in hospice), living independently but declining health and cognitively impaired. Mom very frugal, and always in control of all aspects of their lives. I managed to convince them to get Meals on Wheels ( Mom has cancelled twice) I would like to get a housekeeper to help mom with cleaning- maybe even once a month to start- not just for cleanliness but also to help her physically. But it’s a big No….. “we can’t afford it.” I can’t afford it either, wanting to help make life a little easier for her. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Laura
Affordability is an issue for us, as it is for many elders. We need to conserve our resources in the event that we need to transition to a facility within the foreseeable future. That may be a concern for OP's parents as well. If they are still cognitively able to perceive that accepting help now may postpone that transition for a longer period of time, that could be a selling point and perhaps worth a try. (We are in agreement that our adult children will not be responsible for taking direct care of us.)
"Medicare paid for your new glasses ma, no worries." To the tune of $986 HA!
"The oral surgeon gave you a seniors discount and pulled your 2 molars for $25." $565 later.......
"The traveling dentist was free, the cost is included in your Memory Care rent." $1050 later.......
"Your Social Security and the VA check cover your whole rent in Memory Care." Rent was $7k, SS and VA added up to $2500
And so on. The goal with a dementia sufferer is to keep her calm all the time. If you can withdraw cash with moms ATM card or whatever, hire a housekeeper and pay her that way. Tell mom Medicare pays for it as of 2023 😁
Gotta be sneaky sometimes!
https://hospicefoundation.org/Volunteer
Info on what Volunteers provide.
I think encouraging them, when they are focused on fears of "not enough money, to provide cleaner for themselves will just disturb your Mom more.
I just might have to give up the occasional Starbucks and see if I can indeed provide the “gift” of a housekeeper occasionally.
They no longer understand what’s best for them, so it’s up to you to figure it out. A retirement place with stepped-up care from memory unit to skilled nursing facility would be my choice.
Good luck in this difficult situation.
With my very elderly Aunt (who was also very independent but resistant to outside help) I told her the help was more for me because I was worrying about what all that work was doing to her; and I also asked her to name the 1 chore she hates doing the most and I could take it off her plate for her. You can do the math for her, and also ask her what is she saving her money for? Hopefully not to pass on to you (whether or not this is true, it may help to clarify this with her). You can tell her even you have cleaning help (this could be a "therapeutic fib").
In the end, you can't project your idea of what her final years should look like onto her. My own Mom is 94 and wears herself out gardening and cleaning but she's done that her whole life and it helps give her days purpose because she can't do much more than that now.
Can they afford a cleaning person 1 time a month?
Does mom still manage all the bills?
If she is not doing all the bills and they can afford a cleaning person can you quietly arrange the cleaning service? You could say it is part of Hospice requirement and that the Volunteer will continue to clean.
ALL Hospice have to have Volunteers it is a Medicare requirement.
Our hospice has volunteers that will give respite care but no cleaning services.
Ask their doctor if he can order some homemaker/companion hours. It won't cost your parents anything if the doctor says they need it.
These are the people who do light housekeeping, run errands, and keep old people company.
Homeaker/companion are non-medical and do not do any hands-on care.