My sister has POA of my father with dementia, yet I'm the full time live-in guardian. I don't agree with this setup because if something medical came up I have to get her approval before following what I think is best. Dad gave her POA in the event he couldn't care for himself before he was officially diagnosed. I'm totally ok with her running his finances. She has told me that POA cannot be transferred because he has been considered unable to care for himself and has dementia. Is there different rules in different states? Is she right?
Sure enough, I checked that paragraph and there it was. I had studied her POAs carefully years ago, but hadn't fully comprehended the "unavailable." This solves everything and it's seamless for my sisters to do what they need to do for Mom. Edited to add: When I dropped off Mom's medical POA to our local hospital the next day, I pointed that paragraph and told her that I was leaving. She said it'd be no problem for the hospital to accept that POA and my sisters will have the authority needed.
The lawyer asked my husband if he understood what she just explained. What did this paper mean? He answered "It means Jeanne can make decisions for me when I can't to it myself." That was it. That is all it took.
There are two kinds of POA, though. One is about finances, and the other is about medical care. These can be two different people.
Here is an article by an Aging Care expert that you may find helpful https://www.agingcare.com/articles/elder-cant-sign-will-trust-power-of-attorney-153521.htm
He's an awesome old guy, funny, sweet, and treats women with a "Slap on the butt" if he can work it in. So when anyone indirectly suggests to allow this behavior, … I only mean to politely say I don't agree. If we are in public, I reaffirm what he shouldn't do before we go in anywhere, and it works, especially if he gets a treat afterwards.
His primary doctor isn't a dementia doctor, and I'm sure would only suggest I go to the appropriate doctor for dealing with mental stuff.
I have many others in the senior center to talk to and will follow up with them.
Again, thank you for your response.
I still would like to hear from another caregiver who can share how they have dealt with anything similar concerning confusion of thinking a caregiver was/is a spouse.
As far as going with the flow on my Dad getting me mixed up with being his GF…. sorry, that just doesn't work if he's trying to get in bed with me, or gets sad and/or bossy when I won't get in his bed.
For the most part we do pretty good and I go with the flow, just not on that issue.
Caregiving a person with Dementia is not easy. I see from another post of yours where you are getting impatient with Dad and are trying to correct things he is saying. You cannot correct a broken brain. It is much easier to just agree with Dad and let it be.