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My son got a severe head injury at age 17 and he is now 51. He has lived with his Dad for 45 years and his Dad is now 79. Their days of independent living are coming to an end and they need a place that cooks, cleans, makes sure they take baths, gives them their meds and a safe place to sleep. I just can not do it all anymore.

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For your son I would check with your County disabilities. Eventually husband will be gone and son will need care. Find resources now.
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Weeping,
Try calling your area agency on aging and ask them to go visit them for a needs assessment to help find them housing.
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Weeping, welcome!
Have you spoken to the Area Agency on Aging in your locale about what services are available? Have your guys had a "needs assessment"?

I always think that's where good planning starts, with professionals telling you what your loved one's need.
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Call "A Place for Mom" and let them help you (free of charge) to find Assisted Living near you where they can continue to live together. You've been the hero in this story, please take off your cape and get some help.
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chestershaba Apr 2022
Did i miss part of the story?Sounds like Dad was the hero, been caring for him since 6.
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I don't at all mean this to sound like any kind of accusation or judgement - how has it fallen to you a) to do it all and b) to decide that their days of independent living are coming to an end?

Why isn't it Dad's decision?
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Maryjann Apr 2022
It sounds like OP has been doing the work for them. And if Dad is 79 and son is 51, OP must be in the range of 70 to mid 70s. It sounds like what has worked before isn't working anymore and OP is just having to pull the plug.
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There is a saying that sometimes you have to "bite the bullet", meaning grit your teeth and make the necessary change AS SOON as possible with no guilt.
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My parents had friends who moved into assisted living and got permission for their blind and dependent daughter to move in as well. I think you'll find your son and his dad may both be welcome in a lot of places.
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Not one of these needs is snf related, and given it’s your child and has lived with your ex since he was six, perhaps consider getting housekeepers and aides for right now.
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Weeping: Seek out the advice of the dedicated elder case worker and the social worker at their town's COA (Council on Aging).
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Check out https://seniorsplaces.com with over 2000 assisted living and independent living communities you will find ideas and options.
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