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He was signing up for multiple accounts of the same kind of service. He's complaining that I'm shutting him out from the world and taking away his dignity. I understand why he feels this way and don't blame him one bit. He can't drive and is alone all day. Struggles with walking and talking. I want to allow him access to the computer again but need to know how I can prevent any purchases. He still has one debit card that draws from the account his pension goes into. Is there an app or privacy setting that will block making online purchases?

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Sounds like he shouldn't have that debit card or any other charge card.  If you can get it away from him, then he could use the computer, but wouldn't be able to make any purchases without going to you.  His card could get "lost" (you take/keep), and bank never sends another.

Someone else may know of more about the computer.  I did a search for what you're looking for with your computer; those answerers say the same thing: take the card/s. 
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DizzyBritches Dec 2019
I have my card memorized. 😐
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This is a tough one on so many levels, Granny. I am so sorry you're both going through this. I read your profile and it sounds like he is competent to make decisions.

I envision he's buying things you don't need but he likes to feel empowered by being able to buy things. I get that from his perspective, but you have to protect your family finances at the same time (and I'm sure not have "stuff" around neither of you need).

Do you have another financial account that you can move money to in order to limit the amount his debit card can purchase? This way he can buy what he wants yet it's all limited by the amount of money left in the account since this is a debit card.

Is he open to a volunteer or paid sitter to keep him mentally stimulated? Does he have friends who can sit with him, or better yet take him out for coffee? Does he have a hobby or desire a hobby that can keep him occupied rather than sitting on the computer?

On another note, HE needs to come up with solutions for his time and energy. It's not up to you to come up with answers. Best wishes to you, Granny.
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1) The New Year is approaching, cancel the internet to save money.

2) As rep-payee for my husband, he gets Amazon cards to spend online.
But he is not opening new accounts online...yet...I hope.

It is the biggest challenge to preserve someone's dignity when there is cognitive decline, but I still try. If he became a financial liability then I would need to take legal measures to protect him and my finances also. When he did empty the checking account (just once), I made a big deal. He NEVER wants to go through that again.
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I don't know but I'm guessing that TNtechie does.  I'll PM her.   I think there might be others here who are really savvy about blocking and controlling access online.  

Another option might be to locate forums that interest him and encourage him to get involved...woodworking, cars, or similar topics. 

He wants and needs social interaction; if you can create it for him in a safe environment that might alleviate his need to spend.  

But that raises another issue, the age related need to feel good through spending, or giving.   Does he have any favorite charities?  You could work with him to donate on a monthly basis, so he retains some sense of financial worth in reaching out to others.

You wrote that he struggles with walking and talking.  Is he able to interact with people, such as at Senior Center luncheons or activities?   If you can think of a group in which he could become involved, it would help alleviate the isolation, which I think is probably the driving factor in addition to the need to justify one's own self worth through buying things (there's an Economic theory which addresses that but I can't remember it right now.)
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Have you considered taking him to a senior day care place? Many people his own age, and activities. I am sure that he is bored being by himself all day.
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DizzyBritches Dec 2019
That might help take his mind off retail therapy, if he had some other source of stimulation.
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Applying for a credit card online (example Amazon) was bad. I went in and cancelled the credit cards (2), but found that if one uses the credit card number again, it will reactivate that account! I was quick, cancelled the accounts. No charges were made, he used gift cards instead that I have supplied to him.

I had to get the credit card company on the phone, with my husband sitting there to allow me to speak to them.

One does not need the actual card to use it online, just the numbers.

Granny, your husband is using his own debit card, tied to his pension account.
You need to become POA for that account.

I cannot block my husband because he is the tech savvy person in our home.

And Rep-Payee for any Social Security funds he receives. Rep-payee will by law give you control of those funds, not allowing him access to the funds, but the funds must be used for his use only. Applies only to SS funds.

If you put a "Security Freeze" on husband's credit profile, new accounts opened in his name will become too hard for him to navigate, and there will be notifications sent.

However, this issue must be solved in part by your husband's cooperation.

I said all this, but know that your issue (this time) is "opening multiple accounts", using the same payment card, which is his debit card.
Report his card as stolen, then retrieve it when it comes in the mail.
Do this only if some legal authority has been given to you. See a lawyer.

It is because his illnesses have caused a significant cognitive issue, rendering him unable to make wise financial decisions for your future and his own.
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Knowing nothing about how to do this, would something like two factor authentication be effective to block purchases by your husband?

I looked this up:
"Two-factor authentication adds a second level of authentication to an account log-in. When you have to enter only your username and one password, that's considered a single-factor authentication. 2FA requires the user to have two out of three types of credentials before being able to access an account."

I was wondering how your husband remembers his passwords for the multiple accounts he is opening?
Do you have access to passwords?
Do you have access to your husband's pension account?
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DizzyBritches Dec 2019
That’s a great safeguard. Make sure the phone number is yours, not his, and that his own phone number or email address don’t appear as an alternate means of identification! ❤️ (Often two-factor authentification gives you options for them to send the identification code number to.)
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Net Nanny or another software that is used to limit access to various websites may help.

I cleaned up Mum's computer after step dad died, he had made a mess of it. A year later she has had to replace the computer.
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What kind of computer - Windows or Apple operating system? Do you want to block only purchases or actual access to websites? Or would a hidden monitoring setup where you can review all the web pages visited? Would you also want to control internet access on a smart phone or tablet?

There are a number of good apps used to filter the internet for public libraries, schools, businesses and concerned parents, although many of the business apps have a hefty price point. Different apps are stronger in different areas, so let me know what you would ideally be interest in and I will recommend a couple meeting your needs.

Personally, I believe the best way to get a hold on spending is using a debit card like chime where spending money is deposited on a schedule and transactions can be reviewed in real time. I haven't personally used a debit card directly linked to a income stream account in over 20 years; ever since my business travel amex got hit with bogus charges twice in 3 months. I always use a debit card with no automatic "backup" transfers or a credit card with a low spending limit for internet purchases.

After gaining guardianship of my father, I restricted spending to the debit card and left his internet access unfiltered.
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You can block sites, you can't block purchases without blocking all sites that do e-commerce. There's no secret, "don't buy stuff" flag to set.

The easiest way to do this is to block the debit card. Either by cancelling the card or contacting the bank to see if they can put a e-commerce block on it. If they can put a block on it, the debit card cannot be used for anything online but can still be used in the physical world.
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DizzyBritches Dec 2019
Capital One lets you lock credit cards in its app. You can lock his while keeping yours unlocked. Cap One also always notifies my phone instantly when a charge has been approved or declined. It’s great for preventing fraud. And they have an amazing fraud team. Sorry to sound like a “What’s in your wallet?” commercial, lol. But I don’t get that level of service with my other issuers.
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Under your browser “advanced settings” go to the account profile and find where the cards and bank accounts are listed.

Set it so it requires a password to enable purchases and don’t give him the password.

I have my iPhone set up that way in “Apple Pay” in the phone settings so I don’t accidentally order something

I had to do that on our tv cable account as well, because mom was ordering shows accidentally.

Sorry,
charlotte
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KatD81 Dec 2019
This won't work if he has access to a browser and his bank card, and is able to fill out the purchase confirmation fields on websites.

If he's relying on account information that is saved in the browser, it might.

There is no way to categorically block purchases from being made when there is an internet connection available and a card to use.
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I think the lost card idea is great, and when the new one does not show up in the mail couple weeks later, I would give him a prepaid cc, put his allowance on it. Using a Debit card is very dangerous, your bank account could be drained, and banks take a long time to replace, u are not liable for a cc. One more thing, after a couple weeks of waiting for the “new” debit card he could forget about buying stuff all the time. My H forgot how to operate the computer and is losing his ability to operate his phone. Good luck!
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Im so sorry you're going through this. Agreeing with others here, "lose" the debit card then replace with a prepaid card or a debit card linked to a small balance that doesn't allow overdrafts. Then put a security freeze on all three credit reports (Experian, Transunion, Equifax) to prevent opening new accounts without additional verification.

As for blocking actual purchases, that's more complicated as software usually blocks access to known sites, while more sites (both reputable and not so much) come online every day and the google is happy to present them as options.

Wishing you luck!
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DizzyBritches Dec 2019
I did that to my husband’s accounts because he doesn’t use his credit cards, and he has excellent credit. I don’t want anyone exploiting his credit record and opening an account based on it.
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I s there anyway you can get the password to his card? Maybe you could freeze it, I know you can freeze credit cards, but not sure about debit.
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whaleyf Dec 2019
Yes you can freeze a debt card. I had to do that when my cat (of all things) ran away with it and hid it. (still has the teeth marks to prove it).
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Don't give him the Charge Card but Give him Back his Computer.xx
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Grannyto12 Jan 2020
This is exactly what I did. He relinquished all charge cards and I released the computer. Happy Hubby!
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Parental controls. And don't lie. Just tell him that your service provider already detects any changes and is protecting your identity and his.
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I know what you are going through...My mom had an iPad. She was ordering “vitamins”, signing up for multiple credit cards and filling out forms for class action lawsuits...She would request to change her Apple ID multiple times a day. The iPad was deactivated 3 times. Finally, we got her a GrandPad from consumer cellular. You can set up what internet sights they can get on, their contacts, games, music, etc. Mom is still able to email and text, but only the contacts I put on her GrandPad as I am the administrator. There’s absolutely no way to order anything. She loves it and still thinks she has a computer..And everyone on the contact list can share pictures. Look into it please, it’s a great replacement for a computer, but safe..good luck
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MaryNTN Dec 2019
Can one access Facebook from a GrandPad? I didn't see that one could. My mom has difficulty with touch screens, and she gets frustrated with an iPad.
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I had to cancel my father's credit card - that stopped what you are complaining about.
I do not allow my own computer to "save" my information from my savings/credit accounts.
You can also put a "child lock" on your computer. Google it to find one, I can't remember what they are called. They are free and will not allow your DH to purchase items online.
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If he is capable of decisions (just spends too much), perhaps a PayPal card with a set allowance for pocket money will be a medium. You can manually add money without it being linked to a bank account.
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Not trying to start a geek argument with anyone, but I did banking software for 35 years. I had this issue with my dad.
Truly there is no way to stop him entirely without freezing his credit and taking the cards. There are two issues here: charging existing accounts and opening new credit. Imagine he is doing this with old fashioned phone calls. Same problem.
There are no blockers for any computer, phone, or tablet that will always prevent new credit from being opened, particularly if the site is shady. There are software solutions for payments, but they ultimately rely on either some particular payment method or security and standards of the site you are using.
Short answer: take the cards (and bank accounts), freeze the credit. A front loaded Visa with a small balance could give him some dignity and still let him feel in charge.
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busymom Dec 2019
This is a very helpful answer. And yes, the phone calls can become a major problem, especially when unscrupulous callers can call an elderly person and get them to buy anything, or just share their credit card or banking router number without ever questioning why the caller is asking for this information.

Several months ago, right after I had lost my beloved aunt, I had a call from a supposed local sheriff, that I nearly fell for. He told me that I had not shown up for 2 jury duties and that I needed to pay fines for missing these. He even stated that they had sent the jury duty documents to my address (which he stated and apparently knew it was my former address of a year ago). Whether he also knew I was going through a time of grief and was more vulnerable, I don’t know. He tried to keep me on the phone, and would not allow me to call anyone—even when I stated that I needed to talk with a lawyer or my husband, to see what I should do in this matter. I kept saying, “This just doesn’t seem right!” Of course, it wasn’t. It was a scam. So if a somewhat intelligent female can nearly fall for a scheme (thankfully I didn’t and I eventually hung up on the caller), then it’s for sure that a vulnerable person could give away all sorts of information and money!

I do like that idea of “a front loaded Visa with a small balance” to give him dignity and still let him feel in charge. I think we may need to do this for an elderly uncle who keeps complaining that he needs to go to the bank since he has no money in his pocket. We will have to check first with the memory care facility to see what they allow.
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You can lock his credit cards while keeping yours open. Check the app for your credit card issuer. People lose their credit cards every day and use this feature.

A credit monitoring service like the free Credit Karma should enable you to see if your husband’s SSN has been used in an attempt to open new accounts.

You shouldn’t take everything away from him. My sister gave her kids who were away at college a credit card that she fed money into at regular intervals. I assume you do the budget for the household and can figure out where to find some money to give him, even if it’s just for simple things.
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You might want to focus on the only card you allow him access to, let the bank know (assuming you have POA for financial you can show them), and then make sure on this new card that YOU transfer only a set, small amount of funds to. In that way most transactions won't process...how he handles that is another story...
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I agree that your husband needs a reloadable debit card that is similar to a gift card. He can only spend what is on the card. Once the amount is spent, then it can not draw from the bank account (no additional expenses!). In addition, you might want to look into some of the child protective online programs that limit what children - or impaired people - can access. I would have difficulty knowing my impaired family member was viewing inappropriate content while I was at work all day.
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You can put a daily limit on his debit card, by calling the bank. You could also take his debit card and replace it with a “credit card” that you have to load money on. That way he will only spend the amount that you have put on the card.
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I signed my dad up for a special credit card. I could selectively block certain types of businesses. It was wonderful! I think it was called True Link. There was a monthly fee of around $10. If I remember right, I blocked all online and phone purchases and also limited the dollar amount of all purchases.

Prior to that, he had been running up $300 or more in fees on overdrafts on his debit card.

The special card worked for awhile until he got really bad (but was still mobile enough to go to stores and restaurants). Then, I switched him to cash only and doled it out in small doses, three times a week.
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I made the mistake of allowing dad to keep his checkbook, I had already done the refillable visa, he got a phone call from someone saying they were Microsoft, they told him no problem set up a paypal account, 1st time he did that he went through 8 K in 2 weeks. he promised he would never do that again... we didn’t know he had opened another before his death, till we got a courtesy call, from a company saying they were deducting 500 days n 1st of month.
it took 3 hours of my time sending off various documents, will, POA for mom etc to get PayPal to freeze account.. I had not seen any suspicious activity because he had used Visa card and PayPal for balance.. I got him an amazon fire tablet and put parental controls on it, he could go on Facebook use the internet, play games and listen to his music
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My discover card has a “freeze” option that can be instantly activated on their website. And then you can easily unfreeze the account when you want to use it then immediately freeze it again.
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While certainly you can install password protection on the computer, there is still the issue of his pension funds on the debit card. To prevent that from going dry, you may want to add a credit card with limited funds on it that he can draw from.
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I have never had to use those child blockers for computers, but even if they don't protect against everything, it would be better than nothing if it still allows him to do some safe things on the computer.

Personally I would, as others said they would, ditch the debit card. I have one, but only rarely use it to take cash out of an ATM and NEVER use it for purchases. If compromised, it can wipe out the entire account! I use mine so rarely that the one time recently when I did need some cash, it declined several times before I realized it had expired MONTHS before! Credit cards can be compromised, but generally you are protected with them. Set up any/all alerts that you can on all accounts! Better to get annoying texts than having all monies lost! You don't want to see his pension money disappear. There are many options for replacing it - gift cards, refillable cards, credit card with a VERY low limit, etc. (if credit, make sure they don't automatically raise limits, either when needed or after a given time when all is good. Mom's limit was up to some ridiculous amount - I was able, with DPOA, to get them to reduce it before eventually freezing it and then closing it - she won't be using CCs anytime soon!)

Signing up for rep payee for his SS is advisable as well - call/contact your local office, not the main 800 number (unless you enjoy being on hold!) Despite the fact that one can "use" the funds without doing this, legally the SS says you can't and you should get rep payee. Biggest problem I had was getting the CU to set up the right account needed. Even the yearly reporting is easy and can be done online now.

While internet blocking is useful, it is likely never going to protect anyone 100%. Since it is now free to do it, freeze his credit at all three credit bureaus. This will prevent anyone opening new credit in his name, even him. If he attempts to sign up for something and it requires credit or SS, his gift cards won't likely work, the refillable cards should be kept to bare minimum, and SS won't help as credit is frozen (if he has any dementia, understand that long term memories stick around, so he isn't likely to forget his SS #!)
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