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Dad got angry about me "taking over" when, at his lawyer's suggestion, that I start paying the bills, and revoked the POA for me and my uncle. Has anyone had any luck in getting a POA reinstated?
Based upon what you said, it sounds to me like the only way that you could get the POA back is if you applied for guardianship. You would have to speak to a lawyer and then have to prove that your father isn't cognitively aware enough for him to handle his finances.
Other than that I don't know what else to say. You are truly stressed and deserve better, but will probably be dealing with this type of situation until you can get the guardianship established.
Did he revoke it in writing? If he did then you would probably need to get a new POA. But if it isn't in writing then you might be able to still use it in an emergency.
I would suggest you speak to the lawyer about this. Because all the POA states is that you have the power to make financial decisions if your father is incapacitated.
If your father feels he is capable of handling his finances, he still can even with the POA in place. That is the arrangement that I have with my father.
But the POA is essential because if your father is truly incapacitated you will need it.
Jeannegibbs & TonyRovere, He felt, as I guess many do, that I was stealing from him. I had set up a Money Market Account for emergencies since neither he or I have much in the way of assets and we bought a home that will be needing an assortment of things (i.e., new refrigerator, A/C, roof, stove, etc.) and we don't have any financial back up. He agreed to the MMA and my transferring funds into it back in June but each month he would ask where is money was? I have shown him each month but it is the loss of control more than the money.
I used to go to doctor's appointments with him, his license was revoked, but even though he agreed at the time after the fact he told others he disliked it and I was interfering. Basically he does not want me to know what is going on with him or his brother either.
In October he went to the bank and demanded to see accounts and get explanations. The Ops Mgr called me to say he was causing a scene and she had him in her office. She had shown him that there wasn't any mishandling of funds. He went from there to the Senior Center and caused another scene and to appease him the director gave him a blank form which he filled out and had someone at the library to notarize it and he mailed copies to as many places as he could think of. His lawyer knew nothing about it and would not have recommended it but now that it was done it was legal and she cannot and will not speak to me. I have gone to a lawyer who offered to call his lawyer to get it reinstated but she suggested that we wait as his disease will progress and then there will be a time when it will be easier to either get the POA reinstated or apply for guardianship.
I don't care if he gives it back to me or not but no one else in the family wants it and since he lives with me they feel I should have it. My concern is that he is financially irresponsible and is taking, for him, a lot of money out each month ($500 to $1200) in ATM withdrawals but does not know where it goes. His bills are all paid for by checks. I am afraid someone is giving him a hard luck story or something and is either losing it or giving it away.
Thank you TonyRovere, I agree, there isn't much I can do but wait and try and take care of what I can the best I can. I have spoken to a lawyer about guardianship. I don't have the money to do that now and even though the family agrees he has problems and are accepting of his diagnosis no one really wants to get involved. He has been out of the picture as far as the Florida/New Orleans family goes. Been in touch with brief visits and calls and cards. He has been married 3 times and really invested himself in his 2nd wife's family and they seem to be the most important to him. My step-sister is very close to him but does not want a POA. She wanted him to live near her in an ALF but he doesn't want to do that.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Based upon what you said, it sounds to me like the only way that you could get the POA back is if you applied for guardianship. You would have to speak to a lawyer and then have to prove that your father isn't cognitively aware enough for him to handle his finances.
Other than that I don't know what else to say. You are truly stressed and deserve better, but will probably be dealing with this type of situation until you can get the guardianship established.
I would suggest you speak to the lawyer about this. Because all the POA states is that you have the power to make financial decisions if your father is incapacitated.
If your father feels he is capable of handling his finances, he still can even with the POA in place. That is the arrangement that I have with my father.
But the POA is essential because if your father is truly incapacitated you will need it.
He felt, as I guess many do, that I was stealing from him. I had set up a Money Market Account for emergencies since neither he or I have much in the way of assets and we bought a home that will be needing an assortment of things (i.e., new refrigerator, A/C, roof, stove, etc.) and we don't have any financial back up. He agreed to the MMA and my transferring funds into it back in June but each month he would ask where is money was? I have shown him each month but it is the loss of control more than the money.
I used to go to doctor's appointments with him, his license was revoked, but even though he agreed at the time after the fact he told others he disliked it and I was interfering. Basically he does not want me to know what is going on with him or his brother either.
In October he went to the bank and demanded to see accounts and get explanations. The Ops Mgr called me to say he was causing a scene and she had him in her office. She had shown him that there wasn't any mishandling of funds. He went from there to the Senior Center and caused another scene and to appease him the director gave him a blank form which he filled out and had someone at the library to notarize it and he mailed copies to as many places as he could think of. His lawyer knew nothing about it and would not have recommended it but now that it was done it was legal and she cannot and will not speak to me. I have gone to a lawyer who offered to call his lawyer to get it reinstated but she suggested that we wait as his disease will progress and then there will be a time when it will be easier to either get the POA reinstated or apply for guardianship.
I don't care if he gives it back to me or not but no one else in the family wants it and since he lives with me they feel I should have it. My concern is that he is financially irresponsible and is taking, for him, a lot of money out each month ($500 to $1200) in ATM withdrawals but does not know where it goes. His bills are all paid for by checks. I am afraid someone is giving him a hard luck story or something and is either losing it or giving it away.
I agree, there isn't much I can do but wait and try and take care of what I can the best I can. I have spoken to a lawyer about guardianship. I don't have the money to do that now and even though the family agrees he has problems and are accepting of his diagnosis no one really wants to get involved. He has been out of the picture as far as the Florida/New Orleans family goes. Been in touch with brief visits and calls and cards. He has been married 3 times and really invested himself in his 2nd wife's family and they seem to be the most important to him. My step-sister is very close to him but does not want a POA. She wanted him to live near her in an ALF but he doesn't want to do that.
Thanks again for the help and thoughtful advice.