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This is not a huge deal, and it is not that bothersome but - does anyone know how to get someone with dementia to move past a story?


FIL will get his mind stuck on a story and might go off on a tangent but keeps coming back to the same story. He told us one yesterday that he repeated 20 times in a row. It was clear the way he told it, that he thought he was telling it the first time.


We tried asking questions about it so he could really exhaust the story, but his mind would reset and he would tell it again. We’ve tried redirecting him to other stories, but he kept coming back to it. His segues were amazing... his story was about his ancestor being shot but no matter what story we brought up, he kept coming back to it.


It’s not particularly bothersome for us, but I am curious if this is a normal thing for dementia. He will sometimes follow us from room to room telling the story. I’m glad he has some memories so that is a good thing. We never tell him “you just told us that”, because I think it makes him feel bad, but my young nieces and nephews say things like that to him and it’s kind of sad. He will clam up and not say anything else. I’d rather him repeat a story than go silent.


One thing that is hard is his trying to find words to describe things. He gets so frustrated trying to come up with the word and frustrated with us for not figuring out what he means. Yesterday, he kept telling us he wanted us to find his map... we had no clue... after an hour we determined he must be talking about his family tree poster...

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Short term memory lets you 'file away' what you've just done.
Without short term memory, the dementia patient has no way to retain what story they've just told. To keep up their end of a conversation they'll rummage through what memories they can still access, usually picking out one that has managed to 'stick' because it has meaning to them. Unfortunately, it can be the same memory over and over. Every once in a while my Mom will throw in some new detail, so that's nice. I try to get more details from her about her family (how tall? What color eyes?), but it can be impossible to get the needle to skip to the next track on the record most of the time.
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Some caregivers take to redirecting the conversation by just changing the subject and if that doesn't work, to get busy doing something or just walk away, out of earshot. This sounds distasteful but if he starts repeating unsavory, imagined stories it may start taking its toll. Walking away or ignoring will eventually not have much of an impact on them since their short-term memory worsens and they won't remember that you just walked away. May you have peace in your home and in your heart while on this journey!
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Lilfarmer67 Mar 2021
Thank you! So far his stories are all benign. Every time he tells it he expects us to be surprised and say “Wow!” So we do. I texted hubby we could have a drinking game that every time he says “He was shot!” I would have a drink. I was just kidding of course 😂
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I bought the book “The 36 Hour Day” but haven’t read it yet. Sounds like this is part of his progression dementia, just wondered if anyone had tips or tricks to deal with it :-)

He scored 5/30 on his last dementia screen so he has definitely worsened over the past year. More and more, he speaks total gibberish so anytime we can get a clear story from him it is a godsend, even if we have heard it over and over.
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Telling the same stories or asking the same question repeatedly is very common. It's one of the behaviors that can drive a caregiver up the wall. Along with his repetitive stories, his difficulty in finding the right words are also symptomatic of dementia. We as caregivers find it difficult to comprehend what's going on in the mind of our LO and how to respond to the behavior. I think you are responding appropriately in trying to redirect him and not reminding him that he just said that. The story telling may pass but the difficulty in speech and understanding will worsen. Prepare for advancing symptoms by educating yourself about dementia. Just Google "dementia" or go to YouTube to find a bunch of resources.
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