I live with my parents. My mother has alzheimer's and my father is the primary care giver. He expects me to fill in twice a day so he can leave the house. The thing is he's been abusive to me all my life and isn't that great to me now. Plus I'm at a dead-end low-paying job where I'm treated badly there as well. I'm at my wits end and feel dead inside. I want my life back and feel like I have the right to take care of myself and pursue a better career, etc. I don't want to be a scapegoat for anyone anymore? Do I have the right to say enough and move on?
I believe my one or two posts asked for more information and also called for both patience and prayer unitl we both knew much more and until Josephine came back. IMHO, this is not one of those situations where I percieve a "take no prisoners version" of encouragement is warrented. However, I might be wrong, but I'm waiting for more information and until then I'm going to listen and wait until a light bulb goes off in my head so the speak.
No light buld yet like the old Ford commercial! :), After writing that long 17 point lessons article on my wall and today's incredibly intense counseling session today that I had to spend the rest of the day all to myself and much of tonight in my 'Man Cave" for his question at the end literally shoock me to my core like nothing before. I had to call someone on my cell phone to debrief which I often do when needed.
I'm not sure when my light bulb is going to have enough voltage anytime soon, to light up. Maybe Pam or Sis will have some insights to bear. Nite, I'll let you know something if my light bulb comes on in time :)
It is a blessing that your are employed even if in a low-paying job. Is there a possibility that you might offer to work extra shifts and holidays to increase your earnings without leaving that job? Last night's news indicates that 4 or more industries, including retail are hiring once more. One of the easier part-time job prospects to land if one has good credit is in retail, which is another way to supplement your earnings while simultaneously making yourself unavailable to be your Dad's default secondary caregiver doormat.
You may also want to let your Dad know that, as his designated choice, you have taken it upon yourself to contact your local equivalent of Visiting Angels and a social service state agency to help him be informed enough to make whatever decisions he needs to be making about his own life and your Mom's care.
Whatever steps you take, keep moving forward. If you hesitate in the least, it will give your Dad the signal he needs to know that you are not confident or serious about getting on with your own life.
Is there a trustworthy person with whom you might share a rental to help you until you can afford to rent on your own? You may be already there. If you are, no guilt and no regrets if that is what you wish to do with your life. You have every right to be happy. Your Mom's care is your Dad's priority given the circumstances you have shared.
Don't forget to use your local library as part of your career next-steps exploration. Also states' labor agencies have re-training programs for workers, so be sure to check that out as well. May need to be on a day off, or a day when you would normally have been secondary to your Dad as it will keep you active in pursuing your goals, and using your energy to help yourself get ahead, instead of being stuck in the house.
Whatever you do, make it right for you, and don't allow guilt a foothold. Wishing you much success and happiness, Josephine!
Are you familiar with the Serenity Prayer? It says a lot in a few words. May you find your intended path. Love, lcs