Searching for creative solutions to handle mom's BM accidents during the day. Any advice?

I'm assuming that your mother is alone during your work hours because you don't mention anyone being in the home who could help her. It is not safe for her to be left alone while you're at work or any other time. May I ask if you are the poster who brought your mother with dementia to the U.S. from India a few years ago and she doesn't qualify for Medicare or Medicaid? Rightly so of course. Why should the American government have to pay the care for a needy elder whose family brought them here, and who never contributed a moment of time or a cent to our system? Please. You brought her here. You take care of her until the remaining few years are done and she becomes eligible for Medicaid and SSI. Then she can be 'placed' and the American taxpayer will start picking up the bill.
If she is so far gone with dementia now that she does not remember what a Depend is and why she's wearing one, she cannot be left alone while you are at work. It is unsafe for her to be left alone.
What would happen if she decided to wander off while you're at work? Or wants some company to talk to during the day and lets a stranger in the house? Or decides to cook when no one is home?
If she can't comprehend why she's wearing a Depend and leaves it on the bathroom floor, the 'yucky and unpredictable' accidents are the least of your worries.
Don't use your mother not having any money as an excuse for why there are no homecare aides staying with her while you're at work.
You work four hours a day in a school. You do not support yourself on a 20-hour a week part-time job. Someone else is paying the bills and providing for you and your mother. Tell that person you need to quit your job or use the money you earn on it to pay for your mother's homecare aides while you're at work.

wearynow: You may need to hire an aide to help your mother with toileting for the four hours that you are gone.

You need someone to be there with her during the hours you are not. As other posters have noted, if her finances are an issue, she should have no problem qualifying for Medicaid, which should cover home health aides. Reach out to your County's DSS or Office for the Aging for assistance.

I was not only her son, but a full-time caregiver for my Mom. As it became too difficult for her to navigate the bathroom, I put a portable commode in her bedroom, where at least three times a day, whether she had a BM or not, I helped her change her pull-ups. I also put Calmoseptine on her behind to ensure she did not get a pressure ulcer. When she was in a nursing home for rehab after her hip surgery, she got one because staff was not doing their job (I let the admininstration know my displeasure). I vowed she would never get one under my watch. She never did.

If you can get her on Medicare/Medicaid and if she has SSI or SSD these
sources combined should help pay for help for the four hrs. you're away. You should talk to either her Dr. or APS about whether she qualifies for this help. You may also want to try giving her a probiotic. It won't stop them, but it may slow things down. The other thing you can try-as a last resort and I don't recommend this as a daily practice, is giving her two Imodium every few days. Again, it won't stop it completely, but it might slow things down, to a more manageable degree.

Colleen

Yes it’s a messy situation ( pun intended)🙃 But I don’t see a way to regulate BM’s… since you say you don’t have the money to hire a sitter for 4 hours, is it possible to barter?? They provide a service for you and you do the same for them.. at that point no money is needed … just time. Ex.. take someone to grocery..or lawn service or cook meals etc…possibilities could be endless. It’s just an idea😊 hope it can spark some creativity!

A lot of good advice.....I hope some of the solutions work for you. With that said...let's address the elephant in the room. Mom has dementia and will only get worse. You sound as if you are at a breaking point with nowhere to hide. My heart breaks for you because I know first hand how devastating this disease is....and to have the burden, or even share it, can be beyond anyone's capabilities. I am now on the other side of this (mom passed last week) and I'm afraid it has broke me. Now I worry and need to be on high alert for my dad who turns 93 next month, living at home and lonely. My husband has worsening heart failure and is simply not healthy overall. Two houses to maintain, and a future that seems to stretch on with only caring for vulnerable loved ones. I lie awake at night wondering how long I can continue living groundhog day. I'm 71 and beyond exhausted. Please, please, do whatever is necessary to save yourself. This is a painfully long, difficult journey.

As it relates to accidents, My doctor suggested a half pill of Imodium 3 days a week. It completely stopped the accidents but did not impact her normal bowel movements. A life saver.

Seek out a Gastroenterologist and Geriatric Primary - there are very helpful medications available.

You: "I'm trying to avoid hiring aides because mom doesn't have any money."
Medicaid: It sounds like she qualifies, have you helped her apply?

https://www.dshs.wa.gov/altsa/home-and-community-services/how-apply-medicaid

Smith, I believe the op talked about how her mom was found in the toilet holding her feces directly in her hands, confused as to where to put them.

Weary now: if your sweet Momma has pretty good eyesight and can still see well enough to read (as my 93 year old Dad does), can you put a trash can with a note next to it , or on the wall beside the commode? I find that my Dad responds well to notes left around to remind him of basic things. Since he’s in early dementia, one sentence telling him what to do with his Depends works very well. Happy trails!

I had the same issue with my Mom. Her BM were always runny. She would take her diaper off than try and clean up what would end up on the floor. Made it worse. I spoke to her Dr about it and she advised me to give Mom probiotics. She recommended Culturelle. I gave 1 a day for 3 days. Her stool became hard. Now I give her 1 every 2 days. No more mess, runny stool. She poops every 2 or 3 days now vs everyday.

When my mom was having too many bm accidents, my sister and I decided to try giving her one anti-diarrhea pill everyday. It hasn't eliminated the problem completely, but sure has helped. Below, GKaramanis1974 suggested basically the same thing. The one we use is the less expensive, generic form of Imodium named loperamide. Unfortunately, in the stores it's hard to find just bottles of loperamide without that blister pack that almost needs jaws of life to get into, so I ordered from Affordable Meds online.

Good idea to get her started with an aide. It might take awhile before you find the right fit and at least you will have that extra pair of eyes when you are at work. I also recommend a nanny cam to get started to see how things work out. Your mom might not allow an aide to assist with toileting at first, but the aide can clean up afterwards, maybe do some simple housekeeping small load of wash, take out trash, etc.

If she stays with a BM in her pants, her skin will break down and that will be an even bigger problem. It can get infected too. Someone need to supervise her toileting while you are gone.

I strongly suggest you use Equate disposable panties with an added Equate pad to limit any leakage AND give one, 2mg tablet of Imodium AD or equivalent everyday to limit the number of bowel movements(the amodium slows down the movement of the bowels) so they are more predictable. This worked well for my wife and others I've spoken to with the same issue. The Amodium or equivalent is safe to be given daily and if she becomes constipated, back off to every other day. This was suggested by our PC doc.

You may not be able to avoid hiring an aide if you continue to work part time. Your job may be important enough for you emotionally that it is worth paying for hired help for your mother. A 4 hour home health shift is likely to cost about $100 which is likely as much or more than you are paid for your shift at school. The alternative is to give up your job. You will need to decide which scenario is best for you.

Check out Onesie antistrip suits on Amazon. BurntCaregiver has also talked about how she wraps the depends legs with bandage tape to mitigate leakage.

You have a difficult situation, so these ideas might be reasonable when they wouldn’t be in other circumstances.

1) Is FIL able to get MIL to the toilet say a half an hour after breakfast, and stay with her until it works.
2) Can you wake MIL earlier, get her out of bed on her feet, and give her something to eat? That might get things moving while you are still at home.
3) Can you shift her main meal to lunchtime, not dinner? A very light tea will drop the need for the toilet first thing.
4) Can you reduce the spice level in any curry she eats? Chili, garlic, onion, plus anything in enough quantity to be strong tasting, can make the problem worse. So can alcohol, by the way.
5) Can MIL spend the morning sitting on a commode, with a rug over her lap for decency’s sake.
6) Can you investigate the various options for bidet attachments? Particularly if she can use an area with a floor drain, a hose with an on/off tap inserted into a water pipe can let her and the surroundings be squirted down and out the bowl and the drain. It’s less intrusive than wiping off, and might be more acceptable to the sensibilities of the people involved.
7) You tell the people with sensibilities that there is no other option.

Best wishes, Margaret

It's natural for your bowels to move after getting up and having breakfast, is there someone who could guide her to the bathroom shortly after she has eaten and encouraging her to spend a few minutes there? If it's just your husband who is available it may be embarrassing but I would think that it is still better than cleaning up a mess.

The answer is simple. She doesn't belong at home. She needs to be in a nursing home. Lose bowels in a sick person, can't be controlled with diet or schedules.

Try taking away the apples. Bananas are binding so should not be the problem. Are not your in-laws still there?

I really feel for you. You really don't have too many options right now.

Thank you ,bundleofjoy. I wish my mom was predictable like your LO!

She has been taking the same medicine for 3 years without any issues. The BMs are a problem only now. If she eats breakfast at 8 am, she seems to have BM around 9 am. She usually has toast & apples or some oatmeal and banana. Im now thinking maybe no fruits in the morning and just stick to the toast. Mom barely eats sugar..she has diabetes.

Mom hates drinking water..she says it will make her pee more...we are now beyond pee issues and into bigger problems now

hugs!! tough situation.

i hope many people have good suggestions.
in our case, my LO has BM after every meal - this makes things very predictable. within 10 minutes of eating, we must bring my LO to the bathroom, because this makes everything easier/cleaner to deal with. (we can prevent almost 100% of BM accidents this way).

then the adult diaper is clean the whole day.

however, you said your mother's BM accidents are very unpredictable.

my LO has more BM after eating sweets - this makes things also very predictable. avoid the sweets = avoid many BM accidents.

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also you're not there for 4 hours.
but what i mean, is that if your mother's BMs are linked to timing/after she eats a meal, you can try to have the meals at appropriate times.
(i'm sure you already tried all that).

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be aware OP, that many medicines have as a side-effect: more BM, more diarrhea, more BM accidents.

1 thing that's always good to do (for our elderly LOs ---- and for all of us), is to drink more water. in fact, i'll go drink a glass of water right now.

for our LOs who take many medicines, drinking water is even more important.

hug!!

bundle of joy :)