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I pulled into a small parking lot, got out fast, unloaded his scooter from its holder and moved it to his door so Spouse could get out, too. He refused. The vents continued pouring fumes and there was a sizzling sound, but he sat there saying "well I'm not getting out" although he did when he knew help was coming. I arranged for a friend to pick up Spouse while I handled the towing issue.


The projected towtruck wait was over one hour. Spouse, with dementia, doesn't handle waits well. He got into his scooter and drove near the road and honestly looked like he was going to head out into traffic to complete the errand which was about 2 more miles. This is a divided thoroughfare with two lanes nearly non-stop traffic on either side of the divide, about 45 mph speed, and in an industrial zone with no sidewalks.


He hadn't brought his sudoku and thus hadn't a distraction. He buries himself more and more into puzzles so I approached with some suggestions, leading the way to the business' display of a beautifully restored Firebird. This worked for a while as we explored the rest of the small businesses surrounding the lot. I stayed close in case I had to disengage the scooter's motor with the lever behind the seat and make up a story about "oh the scooter lost power." His ride came about one hour later because the friend got lost.


What could I have done in addition to what I did?

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OMG, what a horrific event!  

What cmore ould you have done?   I think you displayed more common sense, foresight, control and calm than most people would have.

Look at it this way:  you saved yourself and your spouse; those are the most important issues.   But you also saved his scooter, prevented him from wandering out into the road, called for assistance for both your spouse and the car, redirected and occupied his attention and kept him safe.

What else could you have done?    I think you did more than most people would under extremely challenging circumstances.

BTW, the 1 hour wait for the tow truck - do you have AAA?   I've found that their services have deteriorated over the years.    Second to last time I called I waited over an hour & a half, then called a reliable tow truck company that I've used in the past.

What you need to do now is just relax and spend some private  down time, congratulating yourself on saving yourself, spouse and to some extent the car, although I think with the flames spurting out your car might be ready for the car graveyard.

Seriously, I applaud your calm, your foresight and your concern more for your spouse than yourself.   

You deserve a Caregiver Medal of Honor!
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pronker Nov 2020
Thanks for the affirming comments; it was a hard thing to go through. The first disturbing event in the sequence was Spouse insisting to continue to the errand 2 miles further, even with fumes billowing. He was simply at sea realizing that this was a hazardous situation. All the rest followed: not exiting the car, driving to the road entrance as he looked each way as if to gauge for pulling out, and then easing into being distracted.

I put a sudoku book into his bag of Depends supplies carried in the car, which ought to help with any further waits. The problem was a broken heater core, which spewed green fluid (which resembles antifreeze) onto the motor where it vaporized in large quantities to make the sizzling sound and shoot up the heat gauge. The car is fixable but if I'd continued driving, the engine would have burnt up with true flames and need to be scrapped. The coverage is USAA, which I'm content with.
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Ditto!!!!
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pronker Nov 2020
Thanks for the thoughts!
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Pronker, BTW, have any mechanics determined how and why the fire started?

I'll share something that's bothered me for quite some time, but thus far there haven't been any fires.

The issue:  squirrels and critters nesting under the hood.    I learned several years ago that Ford had been using some type of natural based substance in its wires.   That attracted the critters.    It's an interesting issue arising from use of more  natural as opposed to manufactured components.

Some local squirrel(s) set up housekeeping under the hood.  My mechanic discovered it in a regular check and cleaned out the would be squirrel motel.   He did say that he was surprised the leaves hadn't caused a fire.

Even if your cars are in garages, critters can get in, especially the little ones like mice.   

The biggest problem for me though was that I couldn't check the engine area regularly b/c of the difficulty of pulling open the lock.  I've never had a lock so tight and stubborn that I couldn't open it to get access to the hood.
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pronker Nov 2020
That's quite the story re the critters nesting in the car. Nature intrudes where we don't wish it to. Once we had an old inoperable clunker in the back yard and when I checked under its hood, an opossum awoke atop the engine and hissed. It looked snug in its hideyhole.

The problem was a broken heater core, which somehow connects to the radiator that cools the engine. It happened very fast, no warning; I'm only glad it was fixable.

Spouse's behavior disturbs me very much. At the time, I considered trying to haul him out of the car onto the scooter. Anything physical like that would start a fight and he outweighs me, has a combative nature and I'm pretty sure things would have escalated to even more trouble. If there had been actual flames shooting out, I believe he would have moved himself but the fumes didn't scare him enough.
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You were acting under the stress and pressure of a sudden disaster playing out, and I think you did well. You can second guess it now, and you can rethink things, and this happening will make you different in another sudden disaster. Basically any danger of electrical fire is a get-em-out quick thing even to the flagging down of strangers and literally removing from the car. And disabling the scooter would have worked to prevent his taking off. But hey, as they ALWAYS say, hindsight is 20/20. And it is. I think you did good.
Boy, so sorry all this happened. Any reason the car had this problem that you know of?
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pronker Nov 2020
It's a 1995 Chrysler and has had numerous problems; the engine's thermostat needed replacing in addition to the heater core and the thermostat problem is what I told Spouse about because he could understand that better than the heater core/radiator/engine overheating link. Thanks for the thoughts and it was a tough situation with lots of fallout.
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Pronker, I think you did all you could during the emergency.

The bigger question to my mind is if your LO won't obey instructions in an emergency and you can't manage him physically because he is bigger, it it safe fir you to transport him? At all?

I faced this when my mom grabbed the steering wheel from my DH. I never put her in my car again. I have a friend with a developmentally disabled and emotionally disturbed son who did the same thing to her. He is no longer can be driven by her.

I like to say that sometimes we get a warning that something is no longer safe.. heed the warning.
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pronker Nov 2020
What a dreadful tale about having the steering wheel grabbed; that would indeed be a game changer. Thanks for the thoughts.
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I have to agree with Barb.   Assuming the flames were clearly visible and the smoke was palpable, your husband's refusal to get out reflects an inability to comprehend danger.    This is frightening.   

I don't know what to suggest though, especially if you're not in a position to get help or find a placement with 24/7 monitoring, and we all know that any kind of facility is really expensive.   

Another option is to hire one of the medical transits, but they're not cheap.  I paid $40 each way plus mileage when I needed cataract surgery transport.

Has he been examined by a neurologist?

There's another possibility and it's that he's one of those men who doesn't acknowledge danger and likes to push his limits.      Evil Knievel and Nick Wallenda are people who I think fall in this category and in my opinion take unacceptable risks, for whatever reason.  

And just my opinion, some people push the limits to compensate for low self esteem, and early life parental criticism.  Accomplishing challenging tasks helps restore that self esteem, in a sad kind of way.
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pronker Nov 2020
I can describe the fumes, not flames which might have occurred if I continued driving but did not. The fumes were like regular exhaust fumes x10 accompanied by a sizzling sound. I've thought about the medical transits and maybe some other vehicle that can carry his scooter so he could continue mobile. Thanks for the firsthand tale of your experience.

As for the reasons he refused to move, it may be that he is one to push the limits because he takes great pride in saying "I have a high pain tolerance." Occasionally he belittles those folks telling awful stories on Discovery ID because when they sometimes break down and cry, he says "oh you're just crying for yourself."
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You handled the situation about as well as anyone possibly could. It also is no longer safe for you to drive him. Be grateful nothing happened this time. Next time, you may not be so lucky.
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pronker Nov 2020
Thanks for replying. It's indeed a serious situation with many repercussions.
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Update: thinking of installing a kill switch on the ignition to be hidden underneath the seat, keeping location hidden; alternatively, rekeying the ignition and keeping the only key with me.
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Pronker,

Geeeeez! What a story. Quite an adventure!
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pronker Nov 2020
Yes, very serious. Thanks for replying.
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