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I visit my mom at her facility and only take her out when absolutely necessary for a couple of does confuse her and she asks fifty thousand questions over and over with the new stimulation because she doesn't understand what is going on. The last time I had her in the car she said she had to poop. My mom does not wear depends because she is still continent. I drove like a bat out of hell to get her to a bathroom. I thought to myself that this may be the last time I take her out. It is a lot of work to get her physically ready and out of the memory care facility and it is stressful to both of us. Who she used to be and what she used to enjoy... are no more. I feel like at this stage I need to make her living situation as good as it can be. I take donuts (mom has a sweet tooth) and we listen to music, I sit with her while she has lunch, I talk to her while I fold her clothes, etc.
That is what she can handle. With dementia, their world gets smaller and smaller. I think we should accommodate that and not keep trying to make them fit into our world. Just my opinion.
Helpful Answer (16)
Reply to Jamesj
WendyElaine Jan 26, 2023
Some excellent points. I especially relate to “not keep trying to make them fit into our world.” I don’t think my mom is past being able to leave her facility, but I will keep your words in mind. Thank you.
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It usually confuses them. Try taking your home cooked meal to her memory care and enjoy it there with her. Chances are she won’t even notice you’re not taking her to your home any more. It seems very important for them to feel comfortable where they now live, so pursue that.
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Reply to Fawnby

Knoxville1, I would ask the Staff at the Memory Center if they notice any problems with your Mom any time you brought her back from an outing. If they say no problems, then continue. Then, if possible, ask the Staff to notify you once they do start to see any issues, then you can plan accordingly to stop the outings.
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Reply to freqflyer

I found that removing my mother from her familiar surroundings at MC caused her to be disoriented and to get upset. I intended to take her to my house frequently when I moved her to a MC closer to me, but I never brought her once.

Dementia patients need structure in their surroundings, and what would be a treat to anyone else is upsetting and stressful to them. Bring dinner to her place and eat with her there instead. I brought my mom Mexican food from the local restaurant, and that made her day. She never once went to that restaurant, but just the treat of her favorite food was enough.
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Reply to MJ1929

The answer depends on what you are experiencing with taking Mom home for lunch. If this is distressing to her in any way, then it should be stopped. If it delights her then it should be continued.
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Reply to AlvaDeer

My mother was in NH care and loved to visit her home. It was a different situation than memory care. Can you tell if the outings are a comfort or a source of further confusion to your mother? If you suspect it’s adding to her confusion, I’d encourage you to take favorite meals or treats to her so she won’t miss out on enjoying your cooking
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Reply to Daughterof1930

I don't think it would be helpful to continue to take her out of the facility, even though it's a very nice idea. My frame of reference is that my family and I, including my mom with dementia, had to stay at a friend's house for 3 days and nights in early December while our floors were being refinished. The experience was so incredibly confusing and disorienting to my poor mom she wasn't the same for weeks even after we got home. At home she is still able to make tea, fix herself snacks, choose what channels to watch on TV. While we were at the other house she panicked whenever she was alone in a room, even momentarily.
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Reply to Violet521

No. My husband’s grandmother had dementia and was in MC. Her daughter (my MIL) would take her out for lunch on weekends, or just drive around. It was okay for awhile but soon it was a detriment.

She thought they’d been out of town and “the hotel” wouldn’t let her back inside. Or thought they’d moved away. Once she got back, she couldn’t find her bathroom, wasn’t sure where she was. It stressed her out.

Eventually my MIL realized taking her mother out was something of a selfish act. It was making MIL feel better about having to put her mother in MC. But it wasn’t helping her mother at all.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to LoopyLoo

My step-mother in MC gets very confused and distressed when taken out even to the Doctor. It is almost like she has lost her safety net.

She is at the stage now that she just wants to stay in her safe environment.

Personally, I would just visit your mother at the home, her home.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to MeDolly

Ask yourself - Is it confusing Mom when she returns, does it stress her out or does she not want to go back? If the answer is no - then continue to take her. When the answer becomes yes then do not take her out.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Ohwow323

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