Should I give Dad back his gun?

Ok, everyone, has the OP ever responded ?

'He threatened to kill her.'

'Should I give Dad back his gun?'--> No

I'm all for gun rights, but the moment such a statement is made, in any context, that person should not have a gun. He might see it as a punishment, but in reality, it's a favor.

Does your dad still drive? Does he have the keys and access to drive?

Believe me, I am all for someone being able to have guns to protect themselves.

But I draw the line with someone who is even remotely unstable.

I've always planned on getting one (with practice first) for living alone and being able to protect myself. And even bought a cool "hidden drawer" shelf for it (still in the box). But my youngest (adult) daughter who continues to live with me is totally against it. And I respect that.

I didn't know this until years later. When she was young and in college, she had a boyfriend for awhile who apparently had become very depressed, and at one point she wrestled him to get his gun away from him. (He wound up getting through it and I met him and his grandmother a year or two later when I was with my daughter shopping and so was he.... he was getting married!)

I can't imagine her being faced with that ever, let alone when she was not even 20 yet. So, no, once he made any kind of threat, or showed difficulty making decisions or any other signs of mental decline, I would never, never return the gun.

If you find one person to say, "Give him back his guns" I would be shocked. My family recently removed many guns from a family member who has dementia. It's unfortunate but necessary for everyone's safety. Good luck to you.

Ditto, same here. I will not give them back…I stay up longer at night than my husband and one night I came to bed and he woke up and said, “ you could get shot coming in here” so got them right then and they are out of sight.He is 89 and dementia.

it is emotionally difficult to accept that your parent can no longer be “in charge,” but this is your reality now. You must be the parent. Take immediate action.

Our elderly parents eventually behave like small children. Parents who give small children access to firearms could personally face murder charges — it is only a matter of time before this applies for elderly dependents also.

This statement by your dad to your wife, in this context, is enough to get her a protective order. You should consider removing your dad from the house to protect your wife physically and emotionally. (If you take away the guns, he may come after her with a different weapon - a knife? A rock?) His irrational behavior should be intolerable to you.

Your dad’s temper along with his lack of control and unwillingness to follow directions could lead to a terrible tragedy.

If he gets angry with you, you could be in danger as well.

drbob80: Absolutely do NOT give the firearm back to your father.

Do not allow your dad to have his weapons, He has impulse control issues as well as memory issues. That combination can be disastrous. Find a way to move his power tools out of the house and into the garage or a locked shed (where he needs to ask for you to open it to use his tools).

If you do give it back, disable it by removing the firing pin or take it to a gunsmith and have them do it. My husband is 88 and showing some signs of dementia. He has always had a gun in his nightstand and one that he carries with him in a leather bag anytime we leave the house. His vision is really bad from diabetic retinopathy. The first time I worried was when he was "clearing" a shotgun in his office and inadvertently let fly a round into the ceiling. I have, since, unloaded all
of the handguns he has ready access to. I left one loaded with dummy rounds and had the gunsmith file down the firing pin. He feels happy it is still there and I feel happy knowing he's not going to cause an unfortunate incident.

My Step-Father carried one also. He didn’t want to give his up either. When his dementia got bad, we took all the bullets out of his guns when my Mother took him to his doctors appointment. When his dementia progressed even further, we called our Sheriff (friend of the family) to let him know that we would like to say that he needed to take the gun because Pops memory was getting bad and he might get hurt. Thankfully, my Pop agreed. He had high regard for law enforcement. I think his military service instilled that mindset in him. Hopefully, you can find a way to get the gun as well. If not, remove the bullets when you can discreetly and take away all bullets in the closet or storage places. Maybe give them to the police. We did.

Imo, I would never give him any gun or knife to keep....ok. He made a threat, and if he's got even a touch of dementia going on, he could very well shoot anybody.

Power tools should no longer be available to him. They are a real danger to him at this time in his life. I'm thinking of something else to occupy his time and energy. Just can't think of anything right now, but there are very smart, clever people on this forum who may be able to suggest some engaging activities for your father.
God be with you and Shalom! 💜🕊💜

No.

NO!!! Safety first for everyone in the home.

NO!

As a responsible gun owner and Concealed Carry Weapons permit holder. NO, not only NO, BUT HELL NO! Good for you removing all guns. He might kill you, some innocent neighbor, or someone just walking by. This man threatened to kill your wife. You need to get him evaluated for dementia.

My husband has never done or said anything like that, and he is a life member of the NRA. However, because of his Alzheimer's, I have all the guns locked up in 3 safes and he does not know the combinations. I think I have all the guns locked up that is. I keep looking in my spare time, about 6 months ago I found a musket loader and even though it is an antique, I put it in a safe also.

On the table saw thing, ours is in the garage. After almost cutting off his finger twice, I unplugged it, he plugged it back in. I put a construction type lock on the end, he cut it off. I unplugged it and cut the plug off, he put another one on. I gave up. He has stopped trying to make stuff and hasn't used it in over 2 years. Anyone who blithly tells me to get rid of it or his other tools has absolutely no idea what they are talking about me implementing.

Absolutely take the gun away for good. My FIL was an ex-cop who still had his guns. He had Alzheimer’s and once opened the front door to let his daughter in, but thought it was an intruder, pointed the revolver at her and nearly shot her. Thank goodness he stopped in time. He also threatened a neighbor. Police were called and they confiscated the guns.
Power tools are also very dangerous on the hands of someone who can become paranoid, hallucinate or just become disoriented. It’s all very sad.

I wouldn’t even be living with someone who threatened to kill me let alone give them a gun. You need to tell someone in authority about this and get out of this whole deal somehow. Not worth the risk or the stress.

It might be disrespectful, but I always draw the line at the point where one's safety is in question. I also live by Maya Angelou's words, "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time." Don't give Dad a second opportunity to use a gun in your home. Tell him you will return the gun when he moves into his own home, if he doesn't move into his own home, then the guns are not going to be returned.

I placed my mother when her actions presented a threat to me and my family; it wasn't personal, it was just about self-preservation and wanting my children to live a full lifetime.

Aside from all the bad things about this story and, yes, the gun needs to be taken away, there is a good side. If a 92-year-old is interested in something positive, like woodworking, it would be great to give them the resources to do it safely.

A senior center near where I live has a woodworking shop. You might see if there is some place nearby he could go to to practice his woodworking skills and socialize with other people.

Seems like perhaps power tools are not a good idea either at 92 years of age-definitely no to the gun idea.

Absolutely not, guns are a no no for his attitude/behavior

Burnt, obviously I hit a nerve.

You have repeatedly told how you have verbally and psychologically abused seniors, encouraging others to do the same.

Troll post.

That depends. Do you like your wife?

This question sounds as if it was written by a bot trying to stir up this on-line community. Very suspicious that drbob80 hasn't responded to any comments or closed the conversation.

You done the right thing getting guns out of house. Keep them out. Saws are now too dangerous for him. Get rid of them. Sounds like he's got some dementia going on. Has he been tested by a neurologist for dementia? If not have him tested. Better have POA, will, etc in place. With threats as he's placed against your wife, dont think he can't hurt her. Old people can have a tremendous amount of strength while still looking frail. Because of your wife's allergies, get all the dust barring tools out of there. I hope you are not leaving your father's care entrusted to only your wife. If you are, place your dad in assisted living or memory care. It will soon get harder to care for him. Good luck to you all.

Isthisrealyreal.

You are really hitting below the belt here and clearly that is in desperation to do some damage control on how ridiculous you're being.
I have been a professional caregiver for almost 25 years. I have never verbally abused anyone. I have never been fired from a caregiver position either. On my last long-term assignment that I was full-time for seven years, all of us were replaced by cheaper help. Not because they were dissatisfied with the care. Not that I have to justify my work history to you because I don't. Nor do I value your opinion. Most of the time you don't make sense. I value the opinions of others here and my own. I also value and respect my long history as a caregiver. That's why I'm responding to you.
It is not verbal abuse to raise your voice or to use a bit of language to get a situation under control or to get done the work that is necessary to get done. Most of the time a homecare worker is on their own in a house and there is no one to assist, so that one caregiver has to maintain control of a situation.
Having been a caregiver (mostly to elderly) for so many years I can say for a fact that the caregivers who don't tolerate abuse from clients or allow themselves to become players in a care recipient's games or dramas are the ones who provide the best quality care. This is so because they keep a handle on things. Caregivers like me know how to give a person what they need even if it's not what they want. Sometimes that isn't always a pleasant experience for the caregiver or their care recipient. Sometimes it's necessary though.
I don't know if you have experience with being an in-home caregiver. If you do, then you would not make such comments.
If you truly believe that a 92-year-old (with a history of threatening to kill his DIL) should be allowed to have a gun, then maybe you should visit your doctor and be tested for dementia yourself.

You have to ask? What is this, another ridiculous thread just to waste people's time? If you have to ask, then you shouldn't have it either.

The answer is what every instinct is screaming at you. If you don’t listen to yourself and it goes wrongly you will be paying for the rest of your life.

ABSOLUTELY NOT!