I used to go by the name of wren1984 and I had posted my story of bringing mom from India to live with me here. She used to be in a senior community there which was not MC and it was a nightmare trying to supervise her care from America. Our relatives refused to help. My brother is also overseas and refuses to help (another story as you can imagine).
I work p/t in a school as a special ed aide and make about $17/hr, about $10k per year. Last year, my husband was home and I managed to work in person in the school since special ed staff had to go in.
Now my husband has to go back to his office and I'm wondering what to do. Whether I go with an agency or hire aides, I will be looking at $15-20/hr at least. Should I then just quit my job??? I could still work as a substitute and get some interaction with the outside world.
Our retirement savings are from my husband's job and I think we will be ok even if I don't work (cross fingers).
But I hate the idea of not working...I have valuable experience working with autistic children and don't want to waste this. I do love my job and also it is the only way to meet other folks daily and not be cooped up at home. I feel my aide salary also goes towards mom's private health insurance and other misc. expenses.
OTH, I'm very nervous that I will hire aides and they suddenly won't show up and I cannot go to my job at the last minute and my teacher will get upset at me. I also hate, hate that my husband is shouldering all of mom's expenses. She has no money in dollars. Her (meager) assets are in Indian rupees and getting them converted to dollars is very complicated. My poor husband is trying to take on extra work to generate more income.
Thank you so much
You work part-time and your job has regular hours meaning that you know what time you need to start and what time you finish each day. Find a daycare for your mother. That would be the most affordable and reliable solution for you on the days that you work.
And what happens to you and your mom if something were to happen to your husband?
It is very difficult to be a primary caregiver for family members. I did it for my mom. I missed working. We don’t work just for the income. Our work fulfills a need in our lives, giving us a sense of purpose. You have an important job by serving those who have special needs. This obviously means a lot to you and the families that you help.
In the end, it is your decision to make. Consider it carefully. I would keep the door open by staying connected as a substitute. Don’t close the door permanently because I have a feeling that you may regret it.
Wishing you and your family all the best. Do look into any and all possibilities regarding care for your loved one. Take care.
Mom has moderate dementia and basically cannot be left alone.
Pay hired caregivers with the money you earn. If you're afraid of them cancelling out then put your mother in adult day care.
Before you decide anything, the first step is converting your mother's money into American dollars. No matter how complicated it is get it done because that has to be the priority. If she has resources then they must be used to pay for her care. Not left alone while you and your husband pay for it.
When her money is accessible American currency it can be spent to pay for caregiving services of your choice. Homecare, adult day care, assisted living, etc... there are several options.
I have no knowledge whatsoever of rupee to dollar conversion, but have a few suggestions on getting assistance so that your mother's assets can be converted:
1. Are there any Indian organizations, cultural or otherwise, of Indians who also have emigrated and might offer free guidance, or assistance?
2. Is there an Indian embassy that you could contact? Knowing that your mother needs assistance might encourage someone to help at a higher level, i.e., someone who can work from a position of international level, someone who might have experience in this area of emigration?
Another option, based in part by Carolann's suggestion of demand for your type of skills and experience, is to discuss the situation with your supervisor and see what can be worked out. I wouldn't think that anyone would want to lose someone with your experience and knowledge.
I think your husband is a special man, although I do understand wanting to pay your mother's way yourself. Have you discussed this situation with him? He might actually prefer that you continue working and hire aides, or might just want to consider providing for your mother, even if he is scrambling to get in extra work hours.
Isn't it a cultural tradition in India that families do take care of their older relatives? If so, I think it might deprive him of having that satisfaction, and being in the supportive role for both of you.
Is there a way that you could interact remotely with the autistic children? Does the facility have that technical capability? Remote work has made such progress during the pandemic.
I could work as a substitute.
I used aides from the Indian community in 2019 before the pandemic and I will try this route again. I just keep wondering if it's worth it to go thru the stress of hiring aides and should I just quit?
Yes, my husband is providing me the support that my stupid brother does not. He's ok with spending the money on aides while I work (for my mental health). We also had his parents with us 6 months/year till my mom moved in with us. Now they are with their other son.
Im in special ed in a regular public school and cannot be remote actually. At the height of the pandemic, the entire district was remote, so special ed was remote and then went back.
You are in such a hard place right now. You could not have left Mom in India and she is not entitled to any help here yet.
Bottom line - do you still want to work? Does it give you a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction? If the only reason you are working is for the pay, and you're unfulfilled at the position, then stopping to stay at home makes some sense, especially if your paycheck is only going to go right back out the door to the hired aides. But if you're loving what you do, well then, continue. Especially if your mom is amenable to having "outsiders" come in to help - which many elderly people are NOT! It might also make the transition easier when the day comes that you absolutely NEED outside help to come in, in that mom will be much more used to it.
Good luck!