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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Afraid what will happen to mom if they do. Mom lives at home on her own and travels at times to visit this daughter who is now sick while on a winter leave.
I'm so sorry to hear you are in this tough situation. I know its not easy. If it were me and it was my daughter, I would want to know because then I could plan to spend more time with her. And try to support her as well. I hear your concern though. I would talk with the daughter and see what her wish is on this as well. As a mother I would feel very betrayed if no one told me.
1. Has the adult daughter with the brain tumours given you permission to discuss her situation? Ask her. If it's a no, it's a no and you can't tell anyone - (but see below).
2. Does your 87 year old mother has capacity? As she's travelling to see her daughter, it sounds as if she has. In which case, she's a competent adult and you shouldn't withhold information from her that you wouldn't appreciate anybody keeping from you. If your daughter were gravely ill, wouldn't you want to know about it?
I'm a friend of this family and I want to get information to reveal to the family that they do indeed need to tell the mother so that she can get there to possibly at some point say goodbye or to be they're as support. I myself would be furious if I wasn't told but I must also keep their wish or be in trouble by the whole family.
You are right that you absolutely cannot breach their confidence.
They are afraid that this sad news would have a bad impact on the mother.
What impact do they suppose it will have on her when she, inevitably, discovers that her daughter was seriously ill, knew it, and chose neither to confide in her nor to give her an opportunity to spend time with her? Do they suppose that "we didn't want to worry you" is EVER any kind of consolation? It is the oldest, lamest and most aggravating excuse for avoiding painful conversations in the book.
All I can suggest is that you write the two scenarios down and give them to the ill lady to read. And remind them of the principles of Mrs Doasyouwouldbedoneby and Mrs Beyoudonebyasyoudid.
After that, remember that it isn't your decision to make; and in the fullness of time, if need be and it's still possible, you will be able to express your regret to the mother.
I hope you manage to get somewhere. I agree with you that what they're planning is... idiotic and demeaning.
You don't say that this woman has any major health concerns beyond her age, how do they imagine they will continue to explain her daughter's absence for the next five or ten years?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I'm so sorry to hear you are in this tough situation. I know its not easy. If it were me and it was my daughter, I would want to know because then I could plan to spend more time with her. And try to support her as well. I hear your concern though. I would talk with the daughter and see what her wish is on this as well. As a mother I would feel very betrayed if no one told me.
2. Does your 87 year old mother has capacity? As she's travelling to see her daughter, it sounds as if she has. In which case, she's a competent adult and you shouldn't withhold information from her that you wouldn't appreciate anybody keeping from you. If your daughter were gravely ill, wouldn't you want to know about it?
You are right that you absolutely cannot breach their confidence.
They are afraid that this sad news would have a bad impact on the mother.
What impact do they suppose it will have on her when she, inevitably, discovers that her daughter was seriously ill, knew it, and chose neither to confide in her nor to give her an opportunity to spend time with her? Do they suppose that "we didn't want to worry you" is EVER any kind of consolation? It is the oldest, lamest and most aggravating excuse for avoiding painful conversations in the book.
All I can suggest is that you write the two scenarios down and give them to the ill lady to read. And remind them of the principles of Mrs Doasyouwouldbedoneby and Mrs Beyoudonebyasyoudid.
After that, remember that it isn't your decision to make; and in the fullness of time, if need be and it's still possible, you will be able to express your regret to the mother.
I hope you manage to get somewhere. I agree with you that what they're planning is... idiotic and demeaning.