Should we keep a healthcare worker who reported us to Adult and Child Protective Services? The allegations were not true.

I should have stated that the aide waited 9 days before reporting my mother's bruise. If she was really concerned why did she wait?

Are we sure that she waited 9 days or did APS take 9 days to arrive? I would think that as slowly as the wheels turn with APS, it was they who took awhile.

I should have stated that the aide waited 9 days before reporting my mother's bruise. If she was really concerned why did she wait?

I should have stated that the aide waited 9 days before reporting my mother's bruise. If she was really concerned why did she wait?

I don’t know if I would let her go unless I knew for certain this aide was the person who made the call to APS/CPS. I too would wait.

And if she did, she may have done it because she is a mandatory reporter AND she is employed by the state.
But she could have called as well thinking she knows more than most.

Usually APS does a preliminary investigation before making the decision to step in. Have you employed other state aides in your home? Was that internet event sexual in nature and was it reported to the state? Might they have been able to look back and note this had occurred in your home several years ago or something like that?

She rents from you and that’s her home now? Will you have to evict her?

This is complicated! You really can’t prove anything unless you ask the aide and she confirms it.

I might give her another chance because you don’t know for certain it was she who called. Your mother likes her- does she provide good care?

As far as the daughter I would separate those two. Given the nature of caregiving there are periods where the patient may be asleep and a lull in the workday which lends itself to the aide & family chatting. And now with this pandemic everyone is home with nothing to do.

Good luck!

For now, I would wait. It will be hard to find a replacement right now. I wouldn't say anything about CPS or APS. Just be watchful. If she oversteps then u can talk to her. I would keep my kids away from her too. If after this virus dies down u still are not comfortable with her, let her go.

She reports you to both APS and CPS?!! I personally wouldn't feel comfortable continuing to provide employment -- and an inexpensive place to live! -- to this individual.

At the very least, let her go and evict her if she reports you guys to anyone else, like the cops or the FBI or ATF or something. Three strikes she's out!

Seriously, though, I am sorry this is happening to your family. No one needs more stress in their lives right now, and having what seems to be either a wolf in sheep's clothing or a well-meaning less intelligent person literally living in your basement isn't helping.

Please read and re-read what CM has written. This aide was hired to care for your mother; she is NOT beholden to you.

This is not betrayal, it is caution.

Would you rather have an aide who ignored all her training and kept questions to herself for fear of looking foolish?

A question is not an accusation. An observation is not a criticism. If in doubt, report.

She did the right thing. I'm sure it was annoying at the time, but here is what happened: she became aware of two different potential concerns, each reportable to a different agency. She reported them. They were investigated. There was found to be no cause for concern. Um... good!

If you're thinking of talking to her about it at all, I should tell her you're pleased that the matters have been cleared up and documented so that everyone's mind can be set at rest.

For obvious reasons, she can't talk to you about reportable concerns. Leaving your own case completely aside, just think how many plausible monsters have given "simple explanations" for their serial offending. So these reporting processes are there for very good, sadly well-proven reasons, and their responsible use should be applauded. Even if it was a waste of everyone's time!

Also, she's maybe just done her online training. I got marked down in mine because I refused to agree that "wearing dirty clothes is a sign of sexual abuse." Oh for heaven's sake! - self-neglect *can* be part of the picture, sure, but I am not going to refer every elderly lady with a soup stain on her cardi to the rape crisis centre. So perhaps your aide just had a bit of "broken leg syndrome" going on - your attention is brought to a particular possibility, and then you start seeing it wherever you look.

If we see a bruise (or anything else - rash, cut, scald, moisture lesion, pressure area) on a client, we body map it and report it to our office where it goes into the client's confidential file. If our superiors see a chain of events, or know of other reasons for concern, they'll use the information we provide. Your aide's agency should have a similar system to back her up: do you know if they have?

The thing is, there could be other important reasons that may show up that the aide is not experienced enough to care for your Mom, and be around your daughter.

Be careful when evicting her, maybe consult a lawyer. If the aide is making a power play and has already disrupted your family, proceed carefully. Maybe tell her she should live elsewhere but still employ her awhile?

So sorry this is happening, but I do not think it is over. And yes, you feel betrayed. Of course. This is your home, your mother.

Here is a saying that may help you go forward: "When someone tells you who they are (behaviors), believe them.

Guess I would hire a second aide right away and shorten the current aide's hours. Then, there is no reason for her to 'live-in".
You see how this works? You can do many legal things without confronting her right now. She may leave of her own accord if not enough hours.

I'd be relieved that she was astute and concerned enough to think of your daughter's welfare. If she is terminated, I'd think of a way that your daughter doesn't blame herself or feel that she is being punished for talking. It's good for kids to talk to people they trust and who looks after their best interest. They are supposed to be able to trust doctors, nurses, clergy, teachers and healthcare workers. I'd give it a lot of thought, after discussing it with an attorney.

This woman sounds over zealous & over bearing to me. To take it upon herself to call APS and CPS while renting an apartment in YOUR home seems a bit too much for me to handle. I'd ask her to leave; come up with whatever story you need to come up with; lack of funds, a need to move a family member into your basement all of a sudden, a desire to care for your mom yourself, whatever.......just get her out.

Since this is the aide's first and only job as a caregiver, I'm not sure she's been 'taught' ANYTHING about ANYTHING, never mind how and when to call APS or CPS, etc. She may just be the type of person who feels she must be the watchdog for the world and report everything she THINKS is true, while only having a tiny fraction of the details. Lots and lots of problems can arise from such a situation, I know, a close family member of mine was reported for 'sexual misconduct' while tending to a patient's G-tube in a nursing home. A CNA saw him with his hands on the 'lower portion of the patient's body', where the G-tube was located, and decided he was 'sexually abusing her' and reported him. He had to spend $3k on an attorney, was fired from his job, and later found to be 100% innocent. And all because a very inexperienced young person 'thought' she saw something she didn't and felt 'compelled' to 'do the right thing'.

There is a very, very fine line between 'doing the right thing' and making absolutely sure you have ALL the facts before trying to ruin someone else's life.

Get rid of her. And best of luck

After reading your responses, get her out of your life in every aspect. That she is manipulative and a know it all tells me that you are going to have a rodeo getting rid of her.

Talk with legal counsel and find out how to do this so she can not have any legal recourse to fight you.

Personally I don't think I could be civil to anyone that just traumatized my little girl further. I would not be a pleasant adversary in that situation. She could do untold harm because she thinks she is the smartest person in the room. She just made it unsafe for your daughter to ask questions.

Her doing this seems like a power play, so be very careful dealing with her. If possible record interactions, never be alone with her and make sure that you change all the locks if she has had access to the keys.

You won't have any problems renting the space out. People are always looking for a single room at a livable rate. This arrangement gives her to much access to your family's personal life and she has abused that.

Protect yourselves and find out how to get rid of her. Remember that if she gets fired she probably won't be paying rent, so plan your steps wisely while keeping your eyes on her. This sounds malicious.

By the way:
The CPS has told me that the result of the sexual abuse report is "No indication of sexual abuse founded."

Of course get rid of her as soon as you legally can.  The state will find you someone else.   Tell DD that aid is not a friend of the family and do not speak to her.

I'm confused between the allegations of the bruises vs. the comment on sexual abuse. If CPS came, then why does that indicate any report regarding bruises on your mother?

How old is your daughter? It seems she must have felt comfortable with the worker to have offered that comment. As a mandated reporter, I'm not sure how the worker could have justified it if she didn't report it. She sounds honest to me.
Also, if the state is paying her, I'd explore all details about that, before you terminate. Also, explore how you renting to her is impacted by the law. I'd actually get a legal consult about it.

How old is this aide and how much experience does she have?  I'm assuming she doesn't have children if she's living in your home?

I think she was way out of line to get involved with your daughter and report her.   If you do keep her, I'd have a very frank conversation with her and establish boundaries that don't include your daughter's concerns.   That's beyond the scope of her employment.

I'd also give her an eviction notice and get her out of your house.    Not to be critical, but I can't understand why you would want this person in your house, especially after the complaints she made.   Is she manipulative?  Manipulating you?  Who raised the issue of her living there?

Get her out ASAP, but do so in compliance with your state's eviction proceedings.  And be present when she packs and leaves.

Even if you do keep her on as an aide, allowing her to live in your home opens you to so many potentially undesirable situations.  What if she wants to bring her friends over?   Do you want that kind of traffic in your home?  

I suspect there's more going on here, including the possibility that the aide might not have been able to get employment through an agency and defaulted to the State.   Just my opinion, but I'm not convinced that a state agency would  be as competitive and choosy as a private sector company would be.

Also, exactly what ARE her responsibilities as an aide?  I'm assuming that finances are a concern and that's why you've gotten a state aide as opposed to a private sector aide?

Good grief. Get rid of her. Fire and evict her. ASAP. Make sure current restrictions in place now allow an eviction in your city/state.

Doesn’t seem like you should have to bar your children from going in to see their grandmother simply because this aid is there, I mean if it’s a matter of setting boundaries for your mom or requiring that they knock or call or something that’s one thing but if it’s just about keeping them away from the person being paid to help care for their grandmother that’s quite another to me. The fact that this aid is now renting a room in your house so presumably living there should indicate more trust not less and I don’t think I would want to continue that relationship if it meant my family felt like they are under a microscope in their own home. Yes this person is a “mandatory” reporter but they are also insinuating themselves into family life beyond the job they are hired for, maybe he or she is just new and young and in an effort to be diligent about their responsibility hasn’t figured out the balance that comes with experience or perhaps their own experience is coloring their interpretation of events but I would ask the agency providing healthcare workers to replace this person with someone else (unless there are other considerations not mentioned here for keeping this specific person). None of you should feel uncomfortable in your own home because of the people there specifically to help your mom, Unless the next person also feels the need to report concerns too in which case maybe there is more to look at. I’m particularly bothered by the fact this person has reported to both APS & CPS In a short window of time concerning separate events. Unless it was a very blatant dangerous situation I sure would expect a conversation with me first and then if my response didn’t satisfy a conversation with his or her direct supervisor at the agency they work for before calling authorities. Maybe this is the way it happened but not having it all out in the open and aired satisfactory doesn’t seem like any way to live. By the sounds of it this aid shouldn’t be comfortable continuing to work and live in a home with such significant danger issues either so maybe they will take care of this for you by requesting a new assignment.

I understand that they are mandatory reporters and that makes it difficult. However, spending time talking to your teenage daughter while she is being paid to care for your mom is the line that I feel she has crossed. Who knows what she puts in your daughter's head if she feels like she is being sexually abused, your daughter is obviously very fragile. I would keep her away from my daughter and I would not trust her with my mom.

Is there anything that you can think of that has happened to lead her to think that there is abuse taking place in your home? Because 2 separate reports throws up all kinds of flags about what motivated her.

Is it really mandatory reporting or is it retribution for something, or did she hear any angry fight?

The aide recognizes the fact that your mother is a vulnerable elder; she is dependent upon the people she is living with for shelter, food and the like. There are many reasons why your mother might not feel comfortable contradicting the explanation that was given.

As mandated reporters, we are taught to err on the side of "call it in" and let the professionals sort out the details.

At least in my professional situation, just to get the reporting agency to actually take a report, you need to have a great deal of persuasive evidence.

If you want to switch aides, fine. But don't do it because the aide was doing her job as she's been taught to do it.

Wow, that is a tough one. If you have an otherwise good relationship and if she does a good job with your mother. I would probably keep her. Perhaps you could try this... thank her for her diligence and concern in keeping your loved ones safe. She will appreciate your understanding and continue doing a good job. She will be relieved to know that you are aware she was only doing what she thought she needed to do to protect them. Keep an open dialogue going with her everyday. Ask her if she has any questions or concerns daily or frequently. Good luck.

Going; The aide is a mandated reporter. She is trained NOT to look for the "what ifs" but to report.

It appears as though there is a lot of blurring of boundaries going on in this relationship with the aide.