Mom is 95- 1/2. We found a lovely care home, which is private pay and close to all her family. She will probably only be able to afford it for 2 years and is in good health except she is not able to walk more than a step or two and is incontinent and has some dementia. When the money runs out, you have to leave as they don't take Medicaid.
The alternative is to put her in a nursing home now where we can choose a good home because she still has some money. She can also go on Medicaid afterwards when she has run out of money. But a nursing home is a nursing home and understaffed etc. The care home is filled with lovely people who will treat her like family and have plenty of people to make her last years happy.
The trouble is, she is in good health otherwise, and in 2 years will then have to move to a facility, if she is still around. We won't be able to have much choice in the matter if she is already on Medicaid; we have to take the place they will allow her to go to on Medicaid. This could be be good or bad but still a shock if she has to be moved again. In the last 5 yrs. she has been moved from a nursing home, stayed with 1 brother until he got sick, stayed with another brother during Covid and now has to go somewhere else.
I'd like to hear what you people think is the most important thing to consider. Thanks in advance.
Good luck!
I placed Mom in an AL in her early stages of Dementia. It was right at the time. By the time the money was running out, she had declined into the final stage. So She paid privately for 2 months and transitioned into Medicaid.
But not for your situation. If mom has already at age 95+ has successfully moved 4 times in the past few years, she’s quite the super trooper and can deal with another move or two. She went from her home (1) to a NH home (2) to son #1 home (3) & now at son #2 home (4). If she had a hospitalization that makes it 5.
If the board & care home will take her with her limited mobility, move her thete. It’s nearby family and affordable if only for 1.5 years. A lot could happen before she hits 97. You know that Medicaid is looming on the horizon so you can look at Medicaid places and have a short list of those that are “best” planned out.
you may want to be kinda ready for Medicaid too. It does not have to be a recipe for disaster. It morphs into that ime if it’s an incident based “need a NH now” cause mom fell & with family all clueless on their mom’s finances. That’s not you, you know she’s at zero in 1.5 years. So Like get a binder going that gets her annual awards letter from SSA (this goes out Oct -November it states what she’ll get paid in 2021), her monthly bank statements and receipts for bigger spends over $300 - $500. And copies of her will, DPOA and house sale and life insurance policy go into the binder too. Your all organized so oodles less stress when the eventually happens. It’s easier if it’s 1 person in the family that’s running herd on doing this and being the point person for Medicaid in the future. If it’s you and it’s actually one of the bros that’s her DPOA try to change it to you soon while mom is still pretty competent and cognitive. Ditto on you being a signatory on her banking too.
They tend to care a lot more and they are not shorting the residents so stock holders can make money.
We did go and visit the Care Home in person and in all of our minds it was the perfect place for her if we can't care for her anymore. I tried to visit the nursing home too but because of restrictions I can't even see it and here in NY there is no loosening of restrictions like I hear about in other places. We wouldn't even be able to have window visits with her and we feel knowing that, it would be cruel to place her there now.
The problem is that mom has less money than we thought because of falling stocks and right now she can only stay about 1-1/2 yrs and then would have to go on Medicaid. Having to switch residences when you have no money is a recipe for disaster, right? And with elections coming up her stocks could fall even lower.
Since my brother is the one caring for her, I guess I have to leave it up to him to see how much longer he can keep her without going nuts. Please pray that we make the right decision.
I should explain my terms as maybe they are different than yours.
Assisted Living the residents require some help but retain most of their independence
Memory Care is for residents diagnosed with any cognitive issues and they require help with most ADL's. And there is a possibility of them "escaping" as most MC units are locked.
Nursing Home is more Skilled Nursing.
Memory Care there will be activities that they should encourage her to join often they will go on outings (maybe not now due to COVID) Often there are enclosed areas outside where they can walk or they are taken to enjoy some outdoor time.
to move her after 2 years will probably cause a decline but then again no one has a crystal ball to determine what will happen between now and then.
If the larger facility you are looking at is run well, has good ratings, well maintained I would probably select that place just because there would be no need to move her.
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