Follow
Share

I have been through all the scary parts of protecting my assets through my wife’s illness and deaths. The question is should you re marry? Should an illness or age related event happen, Are you better off with a will or trust than to be married and have to fight the community property grab by the government and health care agencies

I married late in life to a widower that I've known since childhood. I love him and knew that if he became ill, I would be there for him, married or not. That's what happened; he has dementia now. The caregiving I do for him I know without question that he would be doing for me if I needed it.

I never commingled my money. He supports us and never wanted any part of my assets. Neither of us was poor. Because we're married, I'll receive his military pension when he's gone. Also his other assets are in trust to benefit me for the rest of my life, and after that his adult kids inherit. I won't need to touch the principal. We financially partially support his sister, who isn't well and who helped him when he was working his way through college. This was my idea, and he enthusiastically agreed.

We live in a community property state and each had our own lawyer prepare our estate plans. For us, the benefits of marrying were more than not marrying. If I'd chosen not to marry him, I'd still choose to be his caregiver - but I wouldn't have the financial benefits of being married. I feel honored and loved, and he does too.

Marriage should always be decided on a case by case basis and with the advice of an attorney who can point out theoretical disastrous scenarios and make it clear how to avoid them.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to Fawnby
Report
waytomisery Jul 17, 2024
I agree , if someone is considering this , to speak to a lawyer first to decide if they would want to marry and how they want to handle the assets.

Also in some cases it’s not beneficial financially to be married.

And like others and myself said , some would just avoid it to avoid grief from step relatives.
(2)
Report
See 9 more replies
I won’t ever marry again. I have dealt with step children and will never subject myself to that again for anyone. I am financially secure and have all my estate planning documents in place. I have two adult daughters who are named POA and executors of my estate. I cannot imagine a scenario where I would change any of that. Love is good. Living together may be okay. But co-mingling assets isn’t a good idea especially later in life.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to RLWG54
Report

Quick answer: No! Long answer: I'm 68 and lost my husband last year. Now I'm currently 24/7 caregiver for my 96yr old Dad who has moderate Lewy Body Dementia. After Dad is gone, if I survive this caregiving nightmare, I plan to buy some land and a tiny home and live ALONE & happily ever after hahaha! Good luck to you!
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Mamacrow
Report
Anxietynacy Jul 18, 2024
Mamacrow, that sounds like a plan!!
(1)
Report
See 2 more replies
Honestly, I do not think seniors who have protected assets should remarry. What's the point? Living together is fine. Many unmarried senior women are collecting their late (or divorced) husband's pensions, social security, and are on his retirement insurance. They lose that if they remarry.

Many men have like yourself smartly protected their assets during their spouse's illness or if they were placed. Getting remarried means re-doing all of that.

Then there's the issue of greedy, grown children. If the people getting remarried are seniors who have already built lives and assets with a different spouse, co-mingling these assets could be troublesome in states that have community property laws.

For example:

You remarry a woman with grown kids. You pass away. Your wife of course inherits half your estate even of you don't have a will. Then her kids inherit from her.

I know a couple who married when the husband was in his 60's in excellent, robust health and she was in her 40's . He had never had kids, but he was very close to his family (brothers and their kids). He died quickly after they married. Now this woman had zilch and came to her new husband's house basically barefoot and hungry with a string of low-down, freeloading relatives. Then her three adult, loser kids from three different fathers moved in. She inherited his entire estate. His family got nothing.

The woman died of alcoholism a couple years later. Her adult kids took it all. Got her husband's house, his cars, his bank accounts, insurance, etc... because he didn't have time to make a Will. She made one the second she married him.

Don't get remarried when you're a senior citizen. It's not worth the headache of separating and protecting assets. You can get something legal stating that your domestic partner gets what you want them to get and this will protect you from communal property laws.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to BurntCaregiver
Report
Hothouseflower Jul 17, 2024
Agreed. In my limited experience having a couple of friends whose parent remarried late in life after a death of spouse did not end well in terms of the estate.

I don’t think it is necessary for seniors to remarry at that late stage. Keep finances separate.
(3)
Report
Even the thought of dating later in life sounds like a chore.

I'd say just do the friends with benefits route.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to olddude
Report
BurntCaregiver Jul 17, 2024
No way, olddude. Who wants a geriatric booty-call? That's gross.
Companionship is morw why people date in their older age and get into romantic relationships. Or because they were married for a long time and can't adapt to life alone.
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
This is an individual decision.
And one that both parties should seriously think about.
there are/ can be financial ramifications.
If a person is getting benefits from the VA and remarries I think the benefits stop.
There are other cases where a benefit may stop if the person remarries.
You should have a Will, married or not.
Trusts are good if you want to avoid probate and have family that you want to pass "things" to.

I doubt seriously if I would ever marry again. I find that after this long it would be hard to share space. I think I am set in my ways.
And I don't think anyone wants to hear me snap, crackle, pop walking across the floor in the morning.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Grandma1954
Report

I feel the same at as many of the comments. I have no kids. And a sister is the only family. So I am free and single and right now set financially. But it was a financially stressful time when I was taking care of my wife.
As a boomer hippy generation I am good not being married. As they say make love not war. But there is a culture that thinks marriage is an important thing what that is I don’t know. Love and marriage have nothing to do with each other.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Sample
Report
JoAnn29 Jul 18, 2024
When your young and plan on having children, marriage is good for everyone involved, it gives everyone involved some legal protection. But when we have been thru all of that, and especially had taken care of a spouse, I would not want to remarry. I would not want to take care of another spouse. Nor burden someone with my care. But then I have my girls. I know they will not be doing the caring but they will make sure I am cared for.
(5)
Report
Why? Are you planning to have children? When was the last time someone asked to see your marriage license? I wouldn't, keep my assets totally separate live together if that is what you want.

Women marrying older men in Florida is very prevalent and it can get real messy as many of these women are scammers for money.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to MeDolly
Report

I am 57 and my husband is 75. I have no interest in remarrying after he is gone. I don't see the point. Yes I would want a companion but not someone who is looking to have someone to financially support him. My money will go to my care then my kids if anything is left over.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to lkdrymom
Report

Heck no! Excuse my DC twang, but I ain't in the market of becoming a hospice wife. Men in my age group are in terrible shape. There is no way in four horses will I remarry to go through that HE Double toothpicks ever again. I almost died myself going through that grief and then another year off my life trying to settle his fricken affairs. Don't get me wrong, but my husband was not one to organize for the future and had even cancelled his life insurance. It was fun trying to figure out how you are going to spring a dead body from the morgue with no money for the burial. My brother's, his uncle, and I pitched in for the cremation. I still haven't done anything with those ashes, and it will be eight years in December.


NO FRICKEN WAY!!!!!!!!!!!
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Scampie1
Report

See All Answers
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter