Dad got in trouble when he responded to a scammer on Amazon. Dad was going to give scammer money. The bank caught it and called me since I signed POA on his account at his request. I called sibling to help in the emergency. Now sibling has Dads checkbook and gives out checks upon request, one by one. Bank is now calling sibling not me. Sibling is not talking to me about it. I feel uncomfortable. I do not know where to get advice or who to trust. I think sibling is protecting but am uncomfortable with the degree of control. Dad has a medical POA but not a financial POA. I’m not sure what the POA was that I signed for the account. I think that account is closed now and new accounts were opened to escape the scammer.
If so, the next question is whether your sibling will try to prevent that. It sounds like your sibling thinks you weren't doing a good job. If you were, only communication will fix the current problems. Can you asked your sibling why they have taken control, and whether they have power of attorney?
To whom did your father grant a medical POA? The medical POA can have a big impact on finances, running up bills right and left.
This usually works out just fine. Having more than one person named as primary POA can be a real mess. Problems arise when the rest of the family doesn't trust the person their parent named.
The POA is not obligated to discuss decisions or financial matters with the rest of the family. In fact, they may have a responsibility to keep some things confidential, if that is what the parent wants. But it certainly makes everything run more smoothly if the POA communicates with the rest of the family.
Have you and your sibling had problems communicating in the past? If so, mending your fences might be the most helpful thing you can do at this point.
I trust the sib, but there are areas that I question, and I have learned a few things about the value of communication in my life that my family of origin did not teach me, though they are a very precious bunch of people. It helps to know that non-communication is sometimes expected for the POA. I don't think sib has POA, but I would not want to set up a fight by getting it under the table unless something were egregious. Example of non-trust about a specific area: sib emailed family that sib had been paying Mom and Dad $500 per month, but I had not seen that, and Mom who is quite knowledgeable about what funds come in, had not reported that. I worry that sibs spouse was told to make the payments but sib did not know they were not made. It was just a matter of self absorption not overt crime, just a forgetfulness. But it worried me to the extent that I could not sleep and did not know how to resolve it. I should just come out and ask sib. But if it's not an issue with Mom and Dad, and I don't think it is, then why rock the boat. Also sib has secreted some of Dad's goods so that the scammer cannot get to them, and has "forgotten" to reverse the inaccessibility to Dad. It just worries me.
I agree that having one POA is best.
Thanks for the input, it is very helpful.
I also have the POA for Dads medical and sib is second signer. I think my way is clear that I have to help my parents as best I can without expecting to help make their decisions.