Once she could not take care of herself they abandoned her. They never even ask me if I needed help economically. If my family has not help I do not know what I would have done. Now she is dying and I am still alone with my family taking care of her, losing her day by day and my sisters and brother that could have been here are not. My mother was a good mom and a really good human being. I feel so angry, I do not think I could ever talk to them again. I am so tired, physically and emotionally and yet my partner and my family have been there for me and my mother. How can a child abandoned a mother that was so good to them?
Just the opposite in my family. But, that's according to my description of being "supportive" or "behaving badly". I think there can be other reasons, other than whether or not a person is religious, that affects behavior and how they see things.
But, that should probably be another thread elsewhere.
My great fear is that government (s) have begun to write laws that will have a profound effect on our loved ones despite the family wishes.That is why I have such strong feelings about 'family' that do not support their ill loved ones or the caregivers who have stepped forward.Fighting for and caring for a loved one is rough enough without having to fight government mandates,hospitals,doctors,AL/NH's etc,etc let alone your own family.Today's world requires more than just a loving caregiver because one must also be a very strong willed advocate to speak for the ones who can no longer speak for themselves.I wish we treated our elderly as well as we do youth in this country.
BTW: In my previous comment I stated 75 plus years of devotion to their children.I should of stated a combined total of over 75 years.Then again after I think about it 50 plus years each would be closer to reality.How do you ever pay that back?We were blessed with outstanding parents who raised us all quite similar and I'm as heartbroken as lonewolf is about her siblings dumping mom and her.Is is very hard to forgive after you have lived through it going it alone.Few ever recover totally from the emotional,financial,stress related health issues after long term care.
We don't know the dynamics of another family and if one is a control freak, how can you compete with that? We all do what we do, and as ladee said, God knows what we do and what we have been through with the parents.
So, it is not always selfishness with regard to the siblings - there are many sides to a family story. And think guilty conscious comments are out of line.
xo
-SS
It gets still harder if any/all of the kids were abused/neglected as children...even super sweet and charming parents can clobber their kids when no one else is looking--with hands or words, the pain cuts deep and the wounds open every time that parent says or does more rotten things--which commonly happens as they get dementias with age, or get sick and cranky.
I have 4 siblings who know how bad our Mom could be in many respects, but none of them can understand why she treated me differently than she treated them--well, there were multiple fathers involved...and that made a huge difference--just for one thing.
There can be things you do not know, about your Mom's relationships with your siblings, things that you cannot fix, and neither can they.
As stated above, it can be for reasons like this, or could be they are poor at handling witnessing Mom becoming less than what she used to be, and they do not want to remember her as sick, fragile and aging. My daughter is like that--which makes me wonder who will look after us later on...
But she's grown up a lot during the last 10 years, so that might have changed.
WONDERING: what might happen if you asked your siblings, one at a time, if there was some reason they seemed to be avoiding seeing Mom or helping out?
Social Workers helping me, suggested writing a letter that itemized various care options for Mom, letting each one check off which things they choose to agree on for Mom's care.
2 of mine received the letters [sent return receipt requested]; the other 2 refused to pick theirs up.
One got that letter fast, took it badly, so came down to get Mom out of here.
The other one avoided picking hers up until it was almost returned, then started slinging bad words at me via phone.
I figured, the net result was, it got Mom into one of their houses, instead of here [[which we desperately needed!]].
But because of Mom's behaviors and now theirs, our family is broken apart, with no real likelihood of reconciliation.
THAT is the worst part--that now I have 4 siblings more than willing to keep spewing Mom's worst behaviors and worst words, at me like a quad-sound system.
I really hope you can learn what is motivating your siblings to do what they are doing [or not doing!].
IF you cannot understand why they are behaving as they are, it is impossible to do anything constructive to change it, and it will likely break your relationships apart.
{{{prayers!}}}
You speak of moral break down, but what about our immoral medical system which is really a wolf in sheep's clothing?
What about those of us who are stuck between "religious, authoritarian" siblings who, because of their dogmatic natures, are also the types to put total faith in our horrible UNhealthcare system? Which leaves me (who has already run the gauntlet enough to know the emperor lacks clothes) to suspect that the reason my mom's nose runs like a non-stop faucet is due to the endless blood thinners & supplements doled out to her indiscriminately by my asinine siblings, due to its sanction by various departmentalized doctors & nutritionist (each of whom doesn't know what the other is doing). Ditto for her weeks of wheezing from lungs & hacking cough.
P.S. from mine above, don't get the idea that i'm non-religious, because I was born into it. Just setting the record straight.
Blessings to you and will keep you in my prayers. Always remember what a wonderful daughter you are. Take care
I know how you feel. I
Act like you are a only child and never feel their is something 'wrong' with you and why you can't be more like your siblings.You are a angel and your mom can be proud she had at least one child who chose to put the love and care of her parents foremost in their life.I've traveled the world and believe me it is SOP in most countries outside of the USA and parts of western Europe.In Asia they worship their parents like we did a generation ago.If you did what many are doing in this country you would be a outcast for the rest of your life in their society.God is watching and I believe that is why America and Europe are in a freefall. A total moral breakdown and HE is very angry.
But with all that, may I add something which is a constant refrain for me:
It's actually the SYSTEM which is the ROOT CULPRIT in causing this gladiator situation within families. Too many of us nowadays are running on empty due to the SYSTEM and its associated EMFs, pollution, chemical-saturated imports, taxes, Coverage for Big Pharma, but Non-Coverage for bathroom-assists (which they claim isn't directly related to health).. It's a SYSTEM which rules so twistedly, which is a gladiator-making system.
So where's the stem cells? the SYSTEM is suppressing their availability in the U.S. Why? Because they're real!
So where's the nano-tech? Ditto
So where's medical marijuana? Ditto
So where's true detox - such as On-Site-Dead-Sea-Mud-Baths-Under-Sun?
So where's the SCIO & LIFE systems (vs. the current unhealthcare diagnostics?
In a nutshell, true healing modalities have been, and continue to be, suppressed, turning us into gladiators, because we've been run dry.