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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Would love some dating advice for the caregiver? How do you find folks to understand your situation? Anyone tried a dating site to connect with other caregivers?
im available on an online dating site or two but among my other percieved dysfunctions, im pretty sure that any guy living at his mothers house is considered a bum. its a stereotype ill just have to live with , back in my new house again , eventually..
Yes - but I gave up on dating a long time ago. Now I don't have that much freedom - I'd just like to be free to go out on a week-end night to see a concert or play with girlfriends! I keep telling myself I enjoyed my freedom in my own apt for many years, but now it's a different phase in my life and I have to try to enjoy whatever free time I do have without mourning too much what I've given up. And of course it will be over someday and I can resume a "normal" life I hope. I don't think anyone really gets through life without some sacrifices of our time and I guess it makes us better people in the long run.
Single guy with mom, well, unless you are like Norman Bates and like stuffed things, a good woman would think highly of what you are doing for your mother, if not you're more than probably better off without her. I just want some friends to hang out with, talk with, go to movie, bike ride, just friends to enjoy, I am kinda feeling more and more like Tina Turner in "what's love got to do with it."
I am a single, full-time caretaker for my Mom. Like daughteralone, I gave up on dating when I started this caregiver journey. I had a very active life before this; now I am recycling myself in a new role. I imagine when I can no longer do this, I will just get on with what comes next. That's what life is, a series of changes and adjustments.
you gals ought to get some pics on here. granted, mine is kaiser wilhelm 11 but if you replace the green helmet with a bandana you cant tell us apart. ive been divorced and alone for 13 years. i wouldnt rule out doin a butterfly or a cat.
i love to click thru the " lets meet " pics on the dating sites. it goes like: NO. NO. NEVER. GAAAH. NO. NO . A MILLION TIMES , NO !! seriously, its a leper colony..
Well, at least you guys helped me laugh through the day. Thank you for sharing your "adventures" and nice to know even though I feel alone I am not really alone...one day at a time right?
I have several friends that are men, and I still keep in contact with an old boyfriend, but I'm not out looking for a relationship. I have looked on-line at some of the dating sites, but there are so many of them, and I wouldn't know where to begin. On the other hand, if I did meet someone where things really "clicked", I would continue to go out with that person, if he were interested also.
dam*, i had a dream a few months ago that had a hospice aid named chrissy or missy involved. tonight a new hospice aid named missy shows up. trippy. shes my age and cute as h*ll too. my dream was pretty uneventful. missy / chrissy, whichever was telling me my trike was parked out by the road, needed to move it . still trippy. this gal looks like the gal in my dream. thin, short hair..
I was single and a hermit before I started caregiving. I'm still a hermit. I create little caves for solitude or I'd go nuts. And, no .. not looking. Not even remotely. Mostly, cuz at 60, I'm a set-in-my ways old dog (yeah, use THAT word in your head, it'd fit .. mostly, lol).
LOL at all of your posts on here. Yeah, we're a bunch of lonely crazies... some more lonely, and some more crazy than others.
I went on my first date about a week ago since onset of full time caregiving life. I was surprised to find I'm pretty darn emotionally vulnerable in a way I wasn't expecting to be. I never thought of myself as "desperate" before but I felt that way, a little bit... it was like "please! like me! pick me! love me! I need rescuing!" Ugh. Didn't like it one bit.
So, yeah, mykabond, my advice is just to be aware that you're in a position thats putting great demands on you emotionally/mentally/physically/spiritually and then just go with it and let Mother Nature take its course. Just because you're caregiving doesn't mean you will or won't meet someone compatible. Online dating sites are probably the way to go since we don't have any free time.
Dating is impossible. I care for my mother and getting an adult sitter is expensive and not reliable. Making plans makes Mom and God laugh. Just learning to adjust to no help and no time for me. Change is life.
I definitely don't have time for both caregiving and dating. Simply impossible. I work every day, and after work I go to my mom's nursing home until late. My free time is to clean the house, run errands, sleep and have some rest. I can't definitely date !
If people are not caregivers they do not get it...I don't even engage them anymore. one friend said "why don't you put her in a home?"....I knew she was really saying "your not around to do stuff with anymore"...so it is one moment at a time and adjust. I like that comment "If I had time for a date I'd sleep" funny..dating would be just one more thing to do!!! Put it on the LIST.. lol
You can bet that anyone who has not taken care of someone does not get it. I had people tell me to put my cat to sleep because I was moving and it was too inconvenient to bring him. Some people have no idea what it is to love and truly care for someone or something, but sure do know about their own needs. I am not saying that someone should not put their own needs first, I am saying that if you make the choice to take the responsiblity on for another human being or pet it is not to be taken lightly and some just can't get that concept, for some it scares them.
Great comments Madeaa. A couple of woman who showed signs of interest in me, thought that I was blowing them off when I said that I don't have the time or the energy to start a new relationship (my mother has Stage 5 Alzheimer's). In a way, I don't blame them, it is hard for people to understand the emotional and physical toll caring for someone with this disease takes on you.
Dating?? What is that? When I divorced about 19 years ago my child and earning enough money to keep us afloat was all that consumed my everyday thinking. I have been caregiving for family since about 2003 and raising my daughter who is ready to graduate college. Honestly I have not had time to even look for someone to date, if I am not running a 100 miles an hour to care for the house, the bills, my mother, the dog, then I am passed out on my bed asleep. I would love some companionship and to go to a movie or out to dinner or a weekend away, but I don't know how you do that. This job is so incredibly demanding that I do not know of one person who would willingly walk into it or walk into a relationship with someone doing it. Now if you are able to hire a caregiver to work in shifts with you which gives you time off, that is wonderful, however I am 24/7.
I left 2 days ago to go on a 9 day vacation and left my unemployed sibling in charge, she has called me screaming at me every single day, and swears she is moving and will never do this again. Nine days is all I wanted!
So although I would LOVE to have a good relationship with a man, it looks pretty impossible to me, in my situation.
God Bless You in your search! I hope you find someone, I really do!!!
Yes it is difficult to find the time for just about anything these days including dating. I know how you feel captain. I am on dating sites but too stressed to show my pic except here. I am single, looking for work for two years, intelligent, but also exhausted and miss the company of men. I have to get out there or I will go even more stir crazy than I already am...LOL
I think for women who are caregiving and dating, it is not so much going on the actual date, but getting ready before the date; i.e., shower, wash, dry and set hair, full make-up, pick out clothes. Clean up apartment before he arrives, if he is picking you up at your apt., etc. Even meeting a blind date for coffee at a local mall or something, involves getting somewhat dressed up. When I am doing caregiving, I virtually wear no make-up, mostly baggy clothes, and flats.
I've decided to reach out to my friends (men and women) and have "dates" with them when time permits. Even if it's just having someone over to the house and we sit on the deck while Mom and Dad are inside, watching tv (which is so loud, by the way, that I can hear it on the deck with the door closed!). I'm not tied down as much as many of you, yet, but it's still hard to date because I feel guilty when I go out, knowing that Mom and Dad are at home even though they can be alone for a while.
to daughteralone...Get a clue dear, if you can't get out at least once a week for R&R you will suffer loneliness and depression and won't be much good for yourself or your Mother. You are not an elder and you must have a life as well! Please find some dear friend to relieve you and stay with your elder for at least 6 to 8 hours twice a month at least! You may have to pay someone, network to find someone you trust with your elder. I have been there done that..never got a break and I got sick and lost the social beat..I am getting better now, and see how crazy "selflessness" is .
to lkmichael63- try' TV ears' ..sold at Radio shack. Your elders will probably like them..I cared for years for my Mother and the TV was a million decibels , I could hear it everywhere in the house. This is noise pollution .. Not good . Your parents will benefit a great deal , if they don't like them, you can return them. The house can be returned to a peaceful environment ..good grief, the loud commercials alone drove me crazy! Good luck!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Seriously, it is a challenge - when is there time to develop romance if you are caring for a loved one? Almost a miracle, I'd say.
i had a dream a few months ago that had a hospice aid named chrissy or missy involved. tonight a new hospice aid named missy shows up. trippy. shes my age and cute as h*ll too. my dream was pretty uneventful. missy / chrissy, whichever was telling me my trike was parked out by the road, needed to move it . still trippy. this gal looks like the gal in my dream. thin, short hair..
I went on my first date about a week ago since onset of full time caregiving life. I was surprised to find I'm pretty darn emotionally vulnerable in a way I wasn't expecting to be. I never thought of myself as "desperate" before but I felt that way, a little bit... it was like "please! like me! pick me! love me! I need rescuing!" Ugh. Didn't like it one bit.
I like that comment "If I had time for a date I'd sleep" funny..dating would be just one more thing to do!!! Put it on the LIST.. lol
I left 2 days ago to go on a 9 day vacation and left my unemployed sibling in charge, she has called me screaming at me every single day, and swears she is moving and will never do this again. Nine days is all I wanted!
So although I would LOVE to have a good relationship with a man, it looks pretty impossible to me, in my situation.
God Bless You in your search! I hope you find someone, I really do!!!