Sister is joint bank acct holder with mom w/dementia. Sister doesn't want me on as POA. She has and is still positioning herself as the only POA. She was executor for father who passed last year and will be for mother. Because of family dynamics she was able to do get father on board to keep me from being involved these past years. (they wouldn't let me add extra help, put her in nursing home before her time, then when said I was moving back to house to live & help father & mother, sister really revved up animosity against me. Father started saying sister treating their money like her own. When they sold cottage under my mothers name sister convinced him to put in GICs but wouldn't let him have any to fix up house and wouldnt even have place cleaned. So I finally stepped in to start asserting my poa rights. But within a few months father diagnosed with cancer and passes. She wouldn't allow me to come to house. I came eventually and she had husband harass me saying i was squatter. Her main & only concern right now is to sell house. Mother is in final stages of Parkinsons and sister will not let me have any poa duties whatsoever. Her & husband got rid of moms dogs right away because they didnt want any vet care to come out of their future inheritance. I got one dog back (actually i gave to her 10 years ago) and taking him to see mom in nursing home which gives her great joy. Luckily sister lives and works in different province/state and I have moved back into house to be able to see and be and care for mom at nursing home as much as possible. (house is unfit for her to visit) And am funding and paying for as much as possible. she refuses me poa access. a lawyer said would file passing of accounts. sister is now saying why bother cos she will be executor of mom soon. And i dont know how long passing of accounts takes. I may only have 6 months left with mother. sister sold car that i was supposed to have but made sure to get a vintage mercedes car shipped to her before father passed. Dogs condition getting worse (think could be mold in house).Can pursue guardianship but not worth doing. And will maybe prove her breaching executor duties but not now. I just want poa access as soon as possible to help. Bank says they are protecting mother, that money is for her benefit. How is that of any benefit. I dont want money for myself, its for my mother. Because there is a conflict between poas and in a joint account that i cannot access. that i should apply for guardianship. They are merely protecting sisters control over money. Please someone help find fastest way. (im in ontario canada but am sure laws are somewhat similar in states too) Any suggestions or anyone been in same position that knows what best to do.
Generally banks tend to give a lot of trouble about poa's anyway and often they want you to fill out their own forms. Have you presented the bank with a notarized copy of the poa to prove it is valid and up to date? It sounds as though you are the one who is physically closest to your mom? Is she able to talk to the bank and give them instructions?
Beyond all that, I'm not really sure what it is you want to accomplish by asserting your rights as poa, it sounds as though mom's bills are being paid and she is cared for. Why exactly is it you need access to her accounts?
Is this the only account or are there others? Once again I ask, have you shown the bank a dated and notarized copy of your poa? Are you sure your sis and mom did not write a more recent one excluding you?
SIBLINGS can be cruel when it comes to sharing . I'm next to the oldest of 12 And mom and dad both had their picks of which kid they liked best.
Take care of your self and START checking things out..
I just wanted to pass a HUG onto you, , as I really understand what you are going threw. Seems to me, your sister is just greedy & wants things all for herself.
I hate to put it so bluntly but, that is the way I see it, & I have went threw this with my husband & his children. He thinks that his Adult Children just want to be part of the dissension making, & be included in ALL thing.
Even to the point of the daughter opened a credit card in his name and maxed it out & won't pay for it....Husband has Vascular Dementia, & just can not under stand what they are doing. My thoughts & prayers go out to you. You can email me any time if you wish to. At least you know & can say you did your best for your Mother & spent as much time as you could with her. Which will be in your heart always.
Take Care, A Friend, Marilyn
Our niece, Mom's grandchild, took over POA from my husband without telling us. She was 21 at the time. Mom had dementia, but signed the necessary papers. Over $100k disappeared.
Mom has since passed away, but the legal battle continues. On the AARP attorney's advice, I submitted a "Petition for Citation to Compel Accounting" to the Orphan's Court in PA. The petition cost is under $100 and you can represent yourself; we did not hire an attorney. The Petition requires POA to report value of Mom's assets at the time they took over, and give the final value of assets at Principal's death, when POA expires. They are also ordered to submit bank statements and receipts to the court for review. In your case, your sister would have to present her accounting up to the present date. Doing this now may save you a lot of grief and speculation later on.
Mom's POA has not volunteered much information, so it is a slow process without attorney. If you are patient and do your own research, you will save a lot. It's hard to navigate the legal system. Remember just because something may be legal does not make it honorable or right. Mom's POA arranged for her Will to be changed, and took 50% of estate. POA put money from selling her house into a joint bank account with her and then took possession of the account balance after she passed away. This is legal, but despicable. The law does little to prevent people from abusing their POA. I would advise you to take action now, if you plan to do anything. The statute of limitations for POA abuse is one year in most states. If you don't speak up, you lose your rights to object. Good luck, and enjoy time with your Mom while she is with you.
You wrote that your niece took over as proxy under a POA for your mother, and that your husband wasn't notified. Was the new POA prepared by an attorney? If so, it might have been his or her responsibility to notify your husband of the change in proxy. Or it would have been your mother's, but I'm not sure it was your niece's responsibility.
Did you feel there was duress or trickery or something similar involved in the change? Had your niece been involved with your mother's care all along, or was she an absent relative until late in your mother's life?
Was there a written diagnosis that your mother had dementia and wasn't legally capable of understanding and executing legal documents? That could put a whole different spin on the entire issue.
Was the niece the caregiver for your mother at that time, and if not, who was? Was your mother in a facility, for which some of the $100K might have been expended? Were there other hired caregivers involved?
And how long of a period was covered, during which the $100K disappeared?
I would appreciate any more insight you can offer into this situation, and thanks in advance for sharing your story.
My husband went to visit his daughter & son & grandchildren, he was getting a 2nd opinion from a Cancer doctor & it ended up with Hospice involved, long story....But before this he became very sick one night & rushed to the hospital, he forgot his wallet with his one credit card that he took with him,WITH HIS NAME ONLY ON IT.
Somehow she manage to call this credit card and get a different card number with his name still on the card.....Yet he called this credit card & told them it was stolen or lost and to shut it down. Now we are getting bills 4 months later where it was used and maxed out over the limit, plus the daughter has opened severeral other cards in his name. I have called a few places & they say to report it as Identity Thieft, which I am sure is right, but there is so much paper work...... But what I can't understand is how she has managed to do this? On his credit report she has charged almost $180,000 by applying for several credit cards in his name & has not made any payments. He sent her papers revoking a POA if she ever had one. But she will not answer any calls nothing.He has told the 1 credt card she has done this and gave them her phone number & they already had her address. How can we find out what she told them to get all of these credit cards as they will not tell us....Thank You Kindly in advance. Marilyn
State bar associations in the USA keep a list of lawyers who perform pro bono (free) work for the elderly with low incomes and for those individuals who can't afford it and/or. In addition, they usually have groups designated for just that purpose. Most law firms (especially the larger firms) also require their attorneys to perform a certain number of pro bono hours per month and the receptionist and/or recruiting manager usually keeps a list of which attorneys are on the “call-in Iist” each month – these are the attorneys who are supposed to make themselves available to help people who cold-call law firms looking for help.
AARP is another good idea. We also have Local Area of Aging groups in each county that will intervene. The counties in each state also have Senior Citizen groups that can also provide references, as do most Home Health Care and Hospice companies. Last but not least, we also have Adult Protective Services (APS) to intervene. We can report anonymously or use our names. Last but not least, there is an ombudsman for nursing homes that can be contacted as well. I think they are more involved in abuse or neglect from the NH itself, but they or their offices could refer you to the appropriate parties to assist you.
For non-USA residents, call your government offices to find out the names of the equivalent of these services in your province/state – they should be able to help you find out what help is available. Then you need to talk to those departments / divisions / groups to determine if you or your LO are eligible financially or circumstantially for their services before you even think of hiring an attorney at an ungodly hourly rate.
In any of these cases, ask for assistance from a lawyer who specializes in elder care. As mentioned elsewhere, some of the things being done are not illegal, but are immoral. However, USA courts (judges) do not look on immoral actions kindly as it is considered elder abuse.
Klassylas, if you and your sister are equal POA, your sister can't keep you from doing anything - equal POA means equal rights to aid your mother. Yes, jointly and severally does mean either or not both. But it is up to you to assert your rights as POA, as you did with your dad. POAs have a duty to do the right thing, legally and morally. An eldercare lawyer can help ensure that is done and can compel the bank to listen to you. Sis may be the executor of mom’s estate, but if mom is alive, that means diddly squat at this point. She cannot prevent you from going to mother’s property or anything else. You can call the police and show them your POA to stop her. You can file a harassment claim against brother-in-law and get an order of protection to keep him away from you. Document everything you possibly can to prove your case. As Learningglass suggested, I would definitely submit a Petition for Citation to Compel Accounting if there is such a thing in your province! That alone might shake her up enough to behave herself. You don’t need a lawyer to do that.
I’m pretty sure sis cannot charge her hotel bills to the estate. Keep all of your receipts as related to mom and her care and caregivers!! You can also petition court to have sister removed as POA and executor if you can prove she is mishandling funds. I understand what you are saying, that sis is selling things off now and not caring for mom – APS can put a stop to that as well. I cannot repeat this enough … document, document, document and keep every little receipt with notes attached to each receipt as to the reason for the expense using the old “Who, What, When, Where, Why” rule. Keep a ledger if possible and keep the receipts organized.
If you are organized, you can do most of this lawyerly or paralegal type work yourself. Your local courthouse likely has a law library where you can research the law on your own. You want to take care of as much of this as possible immediately. If possible, I would also ask for a handwriting analysis to ensure sis has not / is not forging documents. If sis is joint owner of mom’s bank accounts and you are not, yes, all money will pass to sis on mom’s death. However, if sis is on mom’s accounts as POA, she is NOT an owner but merely a custodian of the funds, and that does end at death, and does require an accounting of the funds.
I am POA for my mom and her husband. I am joint owner on their accounts. If I were a dishonest person, I could rob them blind, as my powers are very broad. But I am honest to a fault and have buried myself in paper. That has turned out to be a good thing because my sis is now threatening to charge me with embezzlement, which is a joke. But that is exactly why my sister is not and never will be POA – she would use mom’s funds for her own needs and she would do what she wants, not what mom wants. And, this is why your sis can get away with a lot if you do NOT assert your powers.
The elderly, especially those with dementia are very susceptible to their LO’s suggestions and some people (like my sis and yours) can be quite cunning. However, that is also where APS will step in and put a stop to it because it is their job to do so and to see through their BS.
Unfortunately, I had to call APS on my step-father. The APS representative brought a policewoman with him. She gave me a lot of good info, as did the APS rep. Our Home Health Care Agency’s social worker was a wealth of knowledge too. I would imagine there is a NH social worker where your mom lives. You could start there unless sis has them wrapped around her little finger. If sis does have them snowed, start at the other places suggested above.
Mom’s bank is taking the easy way out by protecting sis. They just don’t want to get involved in anything ugly, but that doesn’t mean they are right in doing so.
POAs are filed in our real estate divisions of the county court house. Do you know if your and your sister’s POA was ever filed with the court? It would be helpful if it was. You can go there and get a certified copy of it, if you don’t already have one, which you should. You will need it to get anything done.
As also suggested by Learninglass, summarize the issues, write down your questions and thoughts before getting in touch with anyone. Also, check the dates of any paperwork signed by mom. If her dementia had progressed to the point that she cannot be accountable for what she signed, or if anything was signed under duress, sis can get in trouble with the court for that as well.
GardenArtist, I agree that we need more info like this available to all members. I’m surprised if there is not a lawyer on the board of directors to advise on such issues.
2Marily4me2, this would be your step-daughter rather than DIL, correct? Call your husband’s doctors and local hospital to find out if there is a POA on record. Go to the real estate division of your courthouse to find out if she filed a POA. It is not required, but is helpful, so she may have done so.
Step-daughter may have pretended to be you or may have had a POA in order to get another credit card on your husband’s account. That is doable. However, since your husband cancelled the card, he should not be liable for the bills that she ran up. Have you heard of Clark Howard in Atlanta? He has a nationally syndicated show on the radio and online. He loves digging into these type situations to help people. Just search him on the Internet. DO NOT PAY ANYTHING ON THE BILLS YOU ARE RECEIVING. When you start making payments, you are admitting liability. If necessary, let husband go into bankruptcy for protection. Put creditors on notice to stop calling. Did husband send POA revocation by certified mail? If not, send another one in that manner. Use Credit Karma to check his credit daily if necessary to find out what she is up to and call each and every creditor and report ID theft. Find the federal website to report it as well. You may never know how she managed to do this, but if it is his daughter, she may likely have his SSN and DOB, which makes it easier.
Ramiller, some people do assign joint POAs. I would never recommend doing so, but some people don’t want to hurt one child over the other and assign both as joint-POAs.
I am willing to talk to anyone who needs more information. Elder abuse is my pet peave!! I am not a lawyer but worked in law firms as a legal secretary for 30 years before leaving because of my health, so I learned how to navigate the legal system – in the USA, anyway. If I don’t know the answer, I can generally help figure out how to get it.
Best of luck to any and all in these situations!!