Sister-in-laws did not even as much as stop by to offer help. Is this normal in normal families? This occurred 2018 through 2019 for two years. My mom needed 24/7 care after a stroke and this took my entire life put on hold to do this. My husband is understanding. His 3 sisters live 5 minutes away. After my mom had her stroke they never stopped by to offer help and when they did stop by they put their nose in the air at my mom, ignored her. They saw how difficult my life was, no empathy. Tried to make life even more difficult. I was sad but too busy to pay attention to it. Looking back I am hurt and want to know, does this happen often, what does it mean, is this normal? Maybe they don’t like me.
It isn't arrogance it is a lack of compassion and patience. Be grateful that you have these traits.
If you have a fulltime job, do you work away from the home? If so, then who is providing the care while you are not there?
Why can't your mother go to a facility?
It would be nice if they brought a meal or dessert. But I don't feel you should expect it. Its not their mother. If it does become their mother, you can back off saying you have done ur share of Caregiving. They will need to care for "their" Mom.
Brother does the lion's share. Mom has 3 daughters. WE step up, if needed. I don't expect my Sisters in Law to do anything for mother, they have their own moms to care for.
Having said that--My 4 sons in law would move the moon for me. Probably because I didn't raise them and I have been feeding them well for many years.
This was dumped on you because you were “the daughter”, and your brothers were the happy and confident dumpers. Why? Because you let them. Nothing in life is more certain than the fact that empathy is NOT an inborn trait. You were doing what you were doing and they, for whatever reason, didn’t want to get involved.
If you had been closer to them before your mother’s illness, it can be your choice to re-engage with them or not to. You can also decide if it is making your life better to feel hurt or not to feel hurt, and move forward accordingly. Nurturing and saving hurt doesn’t serve to improve the future though.
If you’d expressed these concerns here when your mother had her stroke, you would have been told by most caregivers that responding to your own feelings as a part of long term care decision making is really important when figuring out what’s best for a loved one too.
Can you give yourself the credit you deserve, without entangling your unhappy thoughts about the rest of your family, as you move forward? If not, maybe a conversation with a counselor or some other trusted professional might be a good use of your time. Lots of us have been where you are now. Your best direction is forward, in a way that gives YOU the positive feelings you deserve.
Hugs 🤗
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