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Found mom at the diner yesterday. Asked if she needs to get food, she said no. She removed everything and was going to clean fridge because of small bugs she found in it. But then she put everything back as she decided to do it another day. Has anyone experienced this with their LO? I can only think this; as she sits at the diner all day most days, lunch leftovers don’t get refrigerated till she gets home, no earlier than 9pm.


This is the second fridge in her kitchen, apartment sized. She received it from a neighbor who has a set of keys to mom’s house AND arranged for $8,000 worth of new windows to be installed. DH was able to withdraw that order. Mom’s original fridge still sits there from 1+ years of inactivity. I don’t think she has cleaned that out either. Of course she won’t let me help her clean it.

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Katsmihur, did you see the bugs yourself? If not, this could be a case of an Urinary Tract Infection [UTI]. Your Mom's primary doctor or even urgent care can do the test, which is simple.

I remember back when my Dad was seeing ants in his food and on the walls at his home. Turned out he had a UTI, which can cause all types of issues with older folks. Once Dad was on antibiotics, the ants started to disappear.
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Katsmihur Sep 2022
I did not see them, as she doesn’t let me in her house.

She doesn’t trust me. I assume it is because I did not take her home from the hospital until they did a cognitive assessment. The social worker said I would need to live with mom while she actually took her daily medications. (Not taking them landed her in the ER.) I was not able to commit to that, so I asked for the assessment.

Our relationship has deteriorated since then.
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"Dead Gnats Inside The Fridge. The smell of the food and the light from the refrigerator draw gnats to the fridge. If your fridge has a water dispenser then the dampness around the nozzle brings these flying bugs to your refrigerator."

My nephew had this problem and he does have a water dispenser. Also, his frig is right near a window. I cleaned then out.
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Katsmihur Sep 2022
It is the apartment sized fridge that she says has bugs. No water dispenser.

I think it is the food that she brings home from daily meals at the diner. She gets there for lunch, eats part of it and bags up the rest. Sits there till dinner and moves to the back of the diner. Yesterday, lunch was a tuna sandwich. Waitress and host tells us she stays for 12 hours most days.
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If there's any food residue in the frig, there could in fact be insects. Do you have access to her home, perhaps from the neighbor with keys (I'm assuming you don't have keys as well?) and take a look at the frig yourself.

I'm a bit concerned why a neighbor has access through keys but apparently you don't, or perhaps I'm just misunderstanding the situation.
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Katsmihur Sep 2022
I do have keys & POA (but Mom won’t see a neurologist because she is afraid she will be thrown into a NH). So, she hasn’t been deemed incompetent.

She won’t let me in her house, but last time I was there with DH, she let us in. It smelled like rotting food. I called APS, so they have been involved in the last couple of months.

Mom must have given the neighbor a set of keys, and has forgotten and locked herself out more than several times.
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Ah--JoAnn beat me to it!

Another thing that can happen and become a real issue is if your LO has BIRDS and doesn't keep the cage really clean. My mom had 2 cockatiels (feral, so they couldn't be handled at ALL) and she never cleaned their cage. She had a moth infestation that completely took over her apartment. There were larvae in everything, and moths in and on everything. We NEVER got a handle on those--3 years of trying, but they were never eradicated.

Every single thing I brought from her house had a moth or ten in/on it. Books were infested with both the moths & some tiny gnats. Same thing, you gotta get that fridge cleaned out and then put up some sticky traps until they are still 'clean' after a few weeks.

You trust this neighbor to go over and get eyes on the situation? It's going to take a minute to clean this out.

Also, if mom is sitting in the diner for hours..anything can lay eggs on her leftover food. Gnats are bothersome, but I don't think they're dangerous.

My mom pretty much never let me clean for her either.
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Katsmihur Sep 2022
That makes sense about the birds. But she has no pets.

No, the neighbor has proved to be unworthy, after being so available and helpful initially. Wife works for a window company and told mom she needed $8000 worth of windows. DH is in the trades and has replaced all our windows over the years. He KNOWS she did not need 3/4 of what they were trying to sell her, so he called the owner, explained the mild-cognitive decline diagnosis and the owner cancelled the order.

Yep, her leftovers sitting for hours has to be related to this!
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My mom also would not let me inside her house. She would talk to me through her her screen door. I could smell the stench of urine and old food/garbage coming from inside. I could see she was wearing nothing but a windbreaker due to having no clothes to wear (she threw them all out once she soiled herself). She wouldn't let me in her house because she didn't want me to see it or her in that condition. Since then mom has been diagnosed with dementia and now lives with me (long icky story) . Point being that the bugs (real or imagined--it doesn't matter) and other behaviors may be a sign that your mom isn't able to take care of things anymore. It may or may not be dementia but it could also be another health issue. Maybe get her to her doctor however you can.
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Well it looks like you got APS involved. Not much you can do if she won't let u in. Can't sneak over while she is at the diner?
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Katsmihur Sep 2022
Neighbors across her street would let Mom know I entered her house. Before they tried to oversell windows to her, the neighbors told me they had a watchful eye on her…..
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Kat, we bought a building that had an old fridge. We only kept canned and bottled drinks in it but, it would have dead gnats in it everyday. No food, thoroughly cleaned and gnats. Did some research, replaced the seals on the doors and no more problems. This could be her problem. It was easy and cheap to replace the rubber seals, maybe the neighbor would install them?
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Katsmihur Oct 2022
Thanks for writing this. I would have never thought changing the seals could help! A simple fix.

But this journey with Mom is anything but simple. I hope the neighbor doesn’t make his appearance! Both he and his wife sold mom on $8000 of windows, when she needed only $1,000 worth. (DH is retired carpenter and has replaced all our windows, both here and in other homes). The order was cancelled by the owner, after DH spoke with him about Mom.

All this to say, I continue to offer up DHs free labor to her, but she always replies no, without any reasoning. Always says the same when I offer to help her. So, her house, appliances and other things continue to deteriorate or she cannot use them.

As a sidebar, she also told me her TVs doesn’t work anymore. Says volume cannot be lowered. Thinking the remote is now becoming too complicated for her to use and that there probably isn’t anything wrong with the tv….. Who really knows? I am not allowed in her house.
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