She has dementia, Parkinson's and arthritis. None of her conditions are severe at this point, but the emotional and psychological drain of 24/7 care is getting to me. She is physically easy to care for but is still very needy. A caregiver comes in once a week for 6 hours but I need more help. Once in awhile my sister will stay the weekend so I can get a break. It's getting more difficult for me to hide how it's wearing on me and it is affecting the quality of care I am giving. More and more I do just the basics. I do not neglect her in any way but I just don't have it to do more than what is required. She doesn't like to leave the house anymore but I still take her to eat or an occasional movie if I can talk her into it. Any suggestions for how to present this to her without it being too upsetting for her?
The way to tell her is to tell her and then to do it. If she has concerns you can discuss them with her and reassure her, but your decision isn't negotiable. She could perhaps decide whether the extra day for the aide is going to be Monday or Thursday, but not whether there is going to be an aide another day.
My mom fought and fought having girls come in 2X a day to give her meds - because she was forgetting to take them. I went along with her obstinacy until it affected me - we spent hours in the ER and then visits to a vascular surgeon when she forgot to take her blood thinners and had a problem with her foot. At that point, I told her we were getting help in, whether she liked it or not. I got it set up and now she's fine with it. Most older folks don't like any kind of change and they'd prefer to have their own child to anyone else, so face the fact that your mom may resist. But that's not a reason to not do what is best for both of you.
If you get nice aids (and all of the ones around my mom have been very nice), she'll probably come to like having them around. I'd see, if she likes your current aid, if that person could be the one to spend more time with her.
And make sure when you get more help, you get out and do what restores you. Get away and do what you like to do. Hugs to you and hang in there!
I wished I would have done that with my parents years ago, because now I have to say *no* to more than half of their requests. I just can't do it anymore because of my OWN age related decline. Yep, I am getting old, too... and yes, I am a senior citizen which my parents fail to notice :P