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I agree with others. Sounds like brother is a familiar face to mom and a warm body who would probably react appropriately in an obvious emergency, but not much more can be expected of him. The daily companionship to mom IS worth something, and she (and you) would not have that if brother was more functional, so that's the trade-off. But it sounds like brother is not going to be able to deal with mom's future care needs as they arise. And even right now in the present, is he really monitoring mom's medication and meals and bathing closely? Is he bringing home drinking buddies to hang out at mom's, and how honest are they? Will he allow a buddy to rent a room in mom's place? Is he just drinking, or is he using pills or other drugs? If so, there's a chance he might be selling or trading mom's pills (pain killers, benzos, etc). As mom becomes more befuddled, brother (and a girlfriend) could more easily convince mom to sign a new POA naming brother, to replace the old POA. The risks are real.
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Realize you are dealing with an alcoholic brain.
I would not respond to your brother, if it was me.
I would provide him a copy of written document(s) making you the sole person to handle these matters. Then, when he asks - and asks and asks, tell him to refer to the document(s) you've provided and walk out.
* Are you able to sell the house if he is the beneficiary?
* Consider the 'why' you are concerned with his stimulus check(s) or anything else? Are you to manage his finances and/or take care of him financially, 'too' ? Once you realize / understand why you are taking him on as another person needing 'help,' you hopefully will stop and let him manage / handle his own affairs. Period.
* You will NOT be able to change your mom's perception of him, nor her mental state / narcissist. Get this to your bones so you will understand how to respond for your own optimal mental health.
* You have to make time for yourself. It isn't going to happen unless you insist on it.
* As hard as it may be, if your brother is 'in charge' of caring for your mom, let him and the chips fall where they may. Perhaps once your mom realizes you are not there catching all the balls in the air and managing what he cannot, she may change. Or she may not. This is a fact / a reality you need to realize to change the quality of your own life.
* If your brother and mother are in a mental place to sit down and listen to you, discuss verbally and in writing, what you will and won't do, the changes you are making, and stick to it. They may be the deer in the headlights reaction and that is okay. For you to stand up for yourself and set clear boundaries will be new to (you and) them.
- Do NOT engage in argumentative nit-picking. Tell them to take some time to process what you've presented - and leave. Otherwise, they both may automatically behave as perhaps they always do - wear you down mentally, knowing how to do that. You cannot allow this anymore.
- ENLIST your husband to support you. You need him. Gena
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There is no logic to the golden child scenario and there is no reasoning with an alcoholic who has enabling parents.  Once your mom passes, you should extricate yourself from the situation.  Be prepared for your brother to lose the house by not paying the taxes or keeping it up.  Just keep in mind that you will not be dealing with this forever.  Try to enjoy what time you have left with mom and let the rest fall by the wayside.  I see other posters talking about moving your mom and taking him to court...I wouldn't waste time on that.  This situation has been going on for years.  If your mom is on hospice, you know she has limited time left.  Put your energy there.
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You say "HELP!!" but I don't know what you want. You have multiple complaints about your brother and your mom. Knowing you can't change another human being, means you have to change. It's nice that you are compassionate and care for your husband, your mother-in-law, your adult son, your mom, and your brother but when do you care about yourself?

If you truly want to make a difference in your life and everyone else's, then let a guardian handle the account, hire help to oversee and keep your mom's place in general good living order, and let go.
Visit your mom from time to time and enjoy her while you visit and then let go.
Move out and enjoy life with that incredible patient husband of yours!
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Is there any way you can separate yourself from your brother and make sure he knows of your role (and documents, paperwork that show your responsibilities). Period. (Being extra sensitive myself ONE has to learn to create boundaries and allow the other person to LEARN and GROW on their own. Your are not the responsible party for his life.

I was a twin (fraternal, he male, me female) but we were "stuck together like glue" and I was highly protective of him. I learned I would get overly involved in other people's situations and avoid my own issues. MHO you are way too overinvolved in the minutia of your brother. It's his life to live or ruin as my own twin brother did and finally I had to separate completely from him. There is a balance as other people, animal rescue took place of my own issues - which is not healthy.

My mother, an R.N. adored my brother. I flew from the East Coast to the West to be with her on her last three days in the hospital. My bother was not able to fly for medical reasons at that time, but did so later after she passed when his health improved.

I stayed during the nights at the hospital while my sisters were coming from other states.

She kept asking for my brother. Is x here? Is x coming? It broke my heart that her only son could not be there. He was the favorite child! And I was sad for her that he could not be there and just said how much he loved her and was there in spirit (that sort of thing.) I just talked about him and things he had done (amazing architect and photographer as was she) and nothing regarding the "dire" issues.
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Imho, an alcoholic can only stop his addiction when he hits rock bottom.
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I didn't even have to read your post to tell you to listen to that voice telling you to run! You owe NOTHING to anyone! Do what's healthy for you! That's not selfish, that's taking care of yourself! Take a nice, long bath and tell everyone that you had better NOT be disturbed while you are in there! Then, tell anyone who might disrespect your space that they had better not wake you up! These are basic human needs and you deserve them! After a nice bath and good night's sleep, you can decide what you want to do! If there's other people involved, they'll manage! Much love to you and God bless you!
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