Sometimes it’s just too much ..I’m sorry to say .. any recommendations for who I can talk to?

Gidget, I'm sorry as well that you're having such a challenging time.  I do know and have had the experience of being overwhelmed and feeling (as a friend once expressed while working and going to law school 4 nights a week) of not knowing if you're "coming or going".   I think it would help to prioritize all the issues you're facing, and I think facing being homeless is that top issue.

Some clarifications first, please?    You wrote:

A.   "I’m going to lose my house I’ve been in for 23 years because the website doesn’t work."  

B.   "Does anyone know who a 57 year old widow can get assistance keeping her house and untangling the issues due to my husband died at 59 with no will ."


1.     Have you researched the intestacy (death w/o a will) laws of your state, specifically whether you're the ONLY person with potential rights to inherit? Your profile doesn't provide this, so I can't provide a link.   That would be the guideline for your inheritance of the house, unless there are other eligible family members.  Intestacy depends on state laws that operate when someone dies w/o a will.   You'll want to determine if there are any others (such as brother, sister) who might be in line to inherit.

2.    I don't understand losing a house b/c a website doesn't work.    Mortgagees (lenders) need to have methods by which customers can contact them.   Are there any branches near you?   Have you written letters to the mortgagee?  If not, that might be the first thing to do, to advise them of financial difficulties and to ask for advice as well as options to restructure the mortgage so that you can make partial payments.   

You could start with the address to which you send payments.  

     a.   During the 2008 + recession, local agencies stepped up to the plate and provided mortgage counseling for those facing potential foreclosures.  I remember that Lighthouse was one; I think Jewish Welfare Service was another, but didn't limit clients to Jewish people.

Given the number of people facing foreclosure due to the pandemic, I suspect that many of these helpful agencies may have reopened their offices.  You can search online for "foreclosure assistance (your state, or county)".  

     b.   Your county and state may offer services or recommendations to other agencies, to avoid foreclosure as well.   Don't get involved with any of the shysters who send letters bragging about their ability to intervene, etc.    These people aren't even wolves in sheep's clothing; they're rabid wolves (with apology to all real animal wolves).

     c.  Was your husband by any chance a Veteran and/or getting VA assistance?  If so, contact the closest VA office, whether it's county, state or in a VA hospital, and ask to speak with the social worker for your husband's "team".

3.   Have you considered bankruptcy, not direct bankruptcy but an arrangement by which obligations are paid in part, or under a payment plan?  

     a.    You would work with the mortgagee to create a binding agreement by which you agree to make specific payments at given times.    In my experience, these documents "spread" out the payments for a longer term, so they're less and more affordable.

     b.    Bankruptcy isn't the end-all that some people think it is.  It can be an opportunity for a fresh start, but you absolutely need to have a good bankruptcy attorney.   The best way to find one is to search your state or county (legal) bar association's website for Bankruptcy attorneys.    Check out their websites, make sure they handle personal, not corporate bankruptcies, check the individuals to determine how long they've been in practice.  You want someone experienced and skilled.

4.      Specifically, what options have you taken to address what I'm assume is a mortgage delinquency? Have you been served with foreclosure papers?  What state do you live in? Some states have foreclosure by advertisement; others mandate litigation before foreclosure can be effected.

Out of space

I am so very sorry. VERY sorry. I didn't realize until your last sentence that your husband has died. You are in the middle of grieving.
Did your husband handle all the information regarding finances?? Do you know basically where accounts are? Do know that for starts you don't have to find everything and sort everything all at once, but what you DO have to do is take care of those basic huge matters that could mean the loss of your home.
None of us here can have a clue of what paperwork is sitting around your home, but many of us here have had to find that OUT for ourselves. How is your mortgage paid? What accounts did you and your husband hold? Do you STILL hold. These are questions for the banker. Is there a will? Because you will need a trust and estate attorney to work our who is executor, communicating if you never did with entities out there.
I think the difficult problem about your questions here is that we cannot know what is happening and what you know about your situation. Do you know who is on the deed of your house. Do you know who holds the mortgage? Have you spoken with the Mortgage company. Why are you about to lose your home.
If depression is stopping you from even getting the mail, you are correct; you could lose your home. That isn't OK. You need stop one to be your MD to tell him you may need a mild anti-depressant to get you across the bridge so you can open mail.
Are there any friends? Is there family? Is there a Church you belong to? Are you isolated from others?
I am so sorry, but just from what you have said there is so little I can say except you need to be able to address the mail and the Mortgage and the accounts THIS WEEK, You need to find the will if there is one. If not you need to see the attorney to get you appointed as administrator of your husband's estate.
I know you feel helpless, but this is a matter of having to take a step at a time. If you cannot find a way to take these slow steps, then you may be correct; you may lose everything.
I just am so very sorry, but this is a matter of getting the basics done to give yourself a time slot. And it's crucial. Contact your MD first; explain you have sunk into depression and helplessness to the extent you may lose your home. Ask for Social Services help. Call your local counsel on the aged. I know the anxiety of feeling helpless. It is a matter of taking the steps because there is simply no other option.
That 7 year old granddaughter isn't going to be much help,but her Mom may be, and may be able to point you in the direction of the bank, go with you to the bank, etc. This alone would be an enormous help.

I am so very sorry for your losses. I think anyone would feel completely lost going through your trials.

May The Lord give you grieving mercies, strength and comfort during this new season of your life.

Go see a probate attorney.

Unless your kids are demanding inheritance then you get everything. They will be able to direct you.

Is your house currently in foreclosure? If yes, I don't think there is anything to be done except pay the foreclosure fees and bring the mortgage current.

If it isn't, see if you can sell it so you don't lose all the equity you have. I know this isn't what you want to do at this stage of things but, it is better then foreclosure and whatever the auction brings after the mortgage and fees are satisfied.

I think you should speak with the hospice grief councillor. This isn't the end and that you are not doing that is because of a seven year old, speaks of your need for some grief support.

Great big warm hug! So much to deal with but, you have proven you have what it takes to get through this dark tunnel.

Gidget, what state are you in, and are you near a large city? I'd be happy to look online for you and see what resources there are for folks in your situation. I'm an excellent researcher. The other answers so far are fabulous. If you have friends or church folks or co-workers who you could reach out to and admit that you are drowning... well, people like to help. You wouldn't have to reveal any financial info, but it could be someone to sit down with you and just talk it out over time, one step at a time. I agree that a doc visit is essential; that much stress over time changes the way your brain works, and your ability to think clearly. And a grief counselor is essential. Hospice should know of those resources and might even have one.

Feel free to PM me if you could use some research help for services in your area. Also, there's a national group called Wings for Widows, a non-profit that "provides personalized financial coaching, advocacy and support at no charge to help widows and widowers move forward with confidence and hope."

Gidget, I'm so sorry for all the grief you are going through right now.

There is a really good website--www.bogleheads.org--where you can ask financial questions and get clear direction.

If the folks who are telling you to go to the website are a bank, as to speak to a supervisor. Not everyone has Internet access and navigating some of those sites can be maddening.

If you can tell us what city/state you are in, we may be able to identify for specific resources.

(((((Hugs))))).

I hesitate because I don't know if this experience was unusual or standard practice, but the bank at which we had a shared account, a pension provider company, and our state benefits office all had Bereavement teams. Not necessarily called that, but anyway customer service people who were trained and specialised in dealing with the immediate aftermath, so to speak. We didn't give them anything very challenging to handle but I can say that they were clear, helpful and sensitive in their approach - i.e. didn't do anything crass like writing to the late customer in question.

I expect it depends on what sort of financial services company/ies you're having to deal with but perhaps it might be worth having a look or asking if they offer any such support?

In the way of checking, I just went to two large retail banks' websites and searched for bereavement support. I can't vouch for the quality of response but these services are definitely up and running.

Further thoughts:

1.   A mortgagee needs to foreclose against the current owner, but given that your husband is deceased, I'm not sure if it would look to the individual(s) who would inherit.

2.   If you haven't received specific notices of foreclosure, but believe that one is in process, you need to verify that.   Contact the mortgagee IN WRITING; don't bother with the website.   I too have had the frustrating and annoying experiences of not getting past a website.   It seems as though notwithstanding the proliferation of smart phones, some people/businesses don't want to interact in real time with clients or customers.   (Those people don't get MY business!)

3.   Do you have a recorded copy of the deed to your house?  If not, tax statements?    If not, contact your local county recorder, register of deeds, or other division that handles real property recordings.    You need to find out if a foreclosure action has been initiated.

If you have your legal description, or better yet, your "Sidwell" and parcel number, that would help an employee to search the records and determine if a foreclosure action has been filed.

4.   Does your local area have a Senior Center with attorneys who offer limited advice? If so, you might want to get some free assistance or guidance, just to help you figure out your situation, especially the status of any foreclosure action. 

These attorneys though do provide that service not only b/c some of them are generous, but some of them are on the prowl for clients.   There's one in this area that falls in that category.  Don't get involved with them; you'd just be another file number to those kinds of hunters.

My father's Senior Center also had an on staff social worker who was very helpful and knowledgeable.   That's another option.   She may know of services your area provides that could be of help to you.

5.  You mentioned a 7 year old granddaughter.   I'm confused.    Is this your daughter, or your granddaughter, and if the latter, are her parents alive?   If so, can they help out until you've reached a more financially stable point?

6.  Contact your other creditors and suppliers, especially heat and electric.   Ask if they have special plans, either spreading monthly costs across 12 months, or low income plans.    Given that I'm a senior citizen, I have protection from the electric supplier against shutoffs during winter.  

7.   Ask for payment plans or arrangements if it helps.  Let your creditors know that you're suffering major losses and need some leeway getting through, but that you are cognizant of your obligations.

8.    Did your husband have other assets, such as stocks?  If so, you'll need to get title transferred to you, assuming that your estate identifies the widow as the primary recipient of any assets.   Transferring stocks can be complicated, especially w/o a will.    If you held title jointly, that's easier, but it's still a lot of paperwork.  

Did your husband have any pensions through his employer?   If so, contact his employer and find out how to access his pension, if that's possible.  

9.   Coping:  You're facing a mountain of challenges, so you need to prioritize, take breaks often, and remember that you're facing a lot of emotional and legal issues, and that you need to focus on the house issue and your health first.   

10.   Your funeral service parlor (or others) may have grief counseling.  Your Senior Center, or County may also have or can identify sources that can help you.

If you live in an area that's not covered in snow and ice, take walks; go to parks.  Try to find a support group through the larger hospitals, or funeral homes or Senior Centers.

 If you're a gardener, order catalogues;  just looking at beautiful flowers cheers me up.  

Listen to your favorite music.

I hope this helps; if there's any aspect of my long posts that's confusing, please feel free to ask for clarification.

Gidget, following on CM's suggestiin, I just googked the name of a large US bank (CapitolOne) and they have quite a clear list of "to-dos" which you might find useful:

https://www.capitalone.com/support-center/bank/how-do-i-settle-an-account