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I have mixed emotions on this. In exchange for this I will tend to the children, light housekeeping, etc. I am looking for some insight on this, My income is limited to the disability I recieve 55 years of age.
Hi bears - I think if you have mixed feelings about it, you need to look at it very carefully. Being disabled, looking after children and doing light housekeeping does not sound like a good idea to me.
What is the arrangement for the apartment? Will it be an addition to their house? I don't understand how paying for your apartment and looking after children and doing housekeeping is any kind of an exchange. Maybe there is something I am missing here, but it looks very one sided to me. A little more detail would help people iwith comments e.g. number of children, age of children, the apartment arrangement, and your disability.
A friend who is not disabled and is around your age is looking after her grandson who is about 2 and she is absolutely exhausted and is having to stop doing it.
What happens if this is too much for you? Is the arrangement beneficial to you? What happens in ten years when you are 65 and likely less able to do all of this?
I hope you will consider your own interests. ((((((hugs))))))
While this may sound like win/win situation for all concerned, don't jump too soon. I'm a very young 59 yr old grandma and I just kept our 3 year old grandson while son and d in l were out of town. I'm still pooped. What happens if it doesn't work out? How far will you be moving? Will you be leaving your friends and social life? The kids and grandkids have their own life. When you aren't babysitting, what will you do? They can't be everything to you. This is a huge, life altering move. I'm not trying to sway you either way. Just go into it with both eyes open. And your son. Discuss every possibility.
Bears, how refreshing to hear from the potential "care-receiver" thinking things through so carefully beforehand - I congratulate you, you're right to be circumspect.
I agree with everyone above: this offer might not turn out to be what everyone is bargaining for. On the other hand, your son and DIL really do mean well. It sounds as if they're concerned for your wellbeing, and have come up with a way to make sure it happens without denting your pride - and, yes, they get babysitting thrown in, but you get to know your grandchildren, and vice versa. Win-win-win - in theory.
Or, as PS points out, you could hold tight to your freedom and not touch this apartment offer with a stick. I think she's right. You would be much better off standing on your own two feet, ideally somewhere close to your family so that you can still do the odd evening's babysitting and other grandmotherly things, but without anyone getting stuck with the ties that bind. Too often they bind too tightly, and nobody's happy.
Appreciate your son's loving offer - but run like the wind...
freqflyer, I really laughed and have to agree with you about the "light housekeeping" -- when you are 22 most of the household chores are "light," when you are 59 very few of them are "light." At 68 the only housekeeping I do that is really "light" is making sure all the lights are off before I go to bed ... and some nights I don't even get that right.
Sounds like they are looking for a live-in. If this is a mutually beneficial solution, it may be OK. If you need the income, but cannot be employed outside the home, because it would cut your Disability benefits, then maybe you need this. If they are looking for an economical trustworthy nanny, I would not accept. Will they continue paying when the kids are in school and after school activities?
If you do it be clear, toilets, floor and bathroom tile do not meet my definition of light housekeeping. I would limit it to kids meals and clean up after meals, maybe laundry.
Is this expected to be quid quo pro, care for children, they care for you as you age.
You are young, I do not know the extent of your disability, but if it is sufficient to have that as your income, then maybe it is too much to take on this job....it i s a job.
You deserve to live in Assisted Living or Independent Living, not be a babysitter. You will be much happier with people your own age and you know and I know that tending to children is exhausting. Personally I would not do it because I have roots, friends and social connections where I am. I am 62 and retired and FREE! to do what I want.
Bears2, I think a visit for a week or two will help you see what you are getting into. My disabled brother is able to do light housework quite well. He is great with our mother. I think taking care of children more than an hour would do him in. In that regard a lot depends on the nature of your disability and your stamina levels.
It sounds like you are able to live on your income where you are. (Are you in subsidized housing? Are you on Medicaid?) Since you have no ties where you are, could you also support yourself in your son's community? What if you simply moved there, with no expectations of working for them? You live nearby, they have your over for dinner, you have them over for dinner, you all go out to celebrate birthdays together, and you all continue to lead your own life. They pay a regular babysitter. Once in a while you babysit while they have an evening off, but they don't depend on you to make their work schedule.
Living close to family sounds appealing, especially if you have no ties where you currently live. But maybe it would be better to do that without tangling your lives together. Your options really aren't staying where you are or babysitting for your grandkids. You could also move, continue to support yourself, and enjoy frequent contact with your family.
Curious, how old are the children? I know whenever my significant other and I [we both are 68] visit his grand-daughters [age 7 and 9] we are exhausted just spending any afternoon with them.
As for doing light housekeeping.... I have yet to find any type of housekeeping being *light*. It's a chore. Plus you go home to your apartment and what awaits you? More housework.
Just remember something else.... those grown children who are in their 30's and 40's have no clue how tired those of us in our 50's and 60's can get. They still think we have the same energy levels as they do.
I know my S/O's grown daughter complains that we don't do enough with the grand-daughters when we visit.... we can't and there is nothing we can do to change that.
thank you all for the input. I visited for a week, and we discussed every possible situation, (the baby is not born yet). At 55 i am not ready or willing to move back to the City type of life or the fast pace of it. So, i am no longer even considering the move. I will visit once the child is born and stay for a week or two, then head back to my country life. I think i feared telling them No, but once i did, they understood perfectly and I am very grateful that my son and his wife took it so well. (pat on my back for raising a thoughtful son, that really would love for me to live closer)
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
What is the arrangement for the apartment? Will it be an addition to their house? I don't understand how paying for your apartment and looking after children and doing housekeeping is any kind of an exchange. Maybe there is something I am missing here, but it looks very one sided to me. A little more detail would help people iwith comments e.g. number of children, age of children, the apartment arrangement, and your disability.
A friend who is not disabled and is around your age is looking after her grandson who is about 2 and she is absolutely exhausted and is having to stop doing it.
What happens if this is too much for you? Is the arrangement beneficial to you? What happens in ten years when you are 65 and likely less able to do all of this?
I hope you will consider your own interests. ((((((hugs))))))
I agree with everyone above: this offer might not turn out to be what everyone is bargaining for. On the other hand, your son and DIL really do mean well. It sounds as if they're concerned for your wellbeing, and have come up with a way to make sure it happens without denting your pride - and, yes, they get babysitting thrown in, but you get to know your grandchildren, and vice versa. Win-win-win - in theory.
Or, as PS points out, you could hold tight to your freedom and not touch this apartment offer with a stick. I think she's right. You would be much better off standing on your own two feet, ideally somewhere close to your family so that you can still do the odd evening's babysitting and other grandmotherly things, but without anyone getting stuck with the ties that bind. Too often they bind too tightly, and nobody's happy.
Appreciate your son's loving offer - but run like the wind...
If you do it be clear, toilets, floor and bathroom tile do not meet my definition of light housekeeping. I would limit it to kids meals and clean up after meals, maybe laundry.
Is this expected to be quid quo pro, care for children, they care for you as you age.
You are young, I do not know the extent of your disability, but if it is sufficient to have that as your income, then maybe it is too much to take on this job....it i s a job.
It sounds like you are able to live on your income where you are. (Are you in subsidized housing? Are you on Medicaid?) Since you have no ties where you are, could you also support yourself in your son's community? What if you simply moved there, with no expectations of working for them? You live nearby, they have your over for dinner, you have them over for dinner, you all go out to celebrate birthdays together, and you all continue to lead your own life. They pay a regular babysitter. Once in a while you babysit while they have an evening off, but they don't depend on you to make their work schedule.
Living close to family sounds appealing, especially if you have no ties where you currently live. But maybe it would be better to do that without tangling your lives together. Your options really aren't staying where you are or babysitting for your grandkids. You could also move, continue to support yourself, and enjoy frequent contact with your family.
I look forward to following your experiences.
As for doing light housekeeping.... I have yet to find any type of housekeeping being *light*. It's a chore. Plus you go home to your apartment and what awaits you? More housework.
I know my S/O's grown daughter complains that we don't do enough with the grand-daughters when we visit.... we can't and there is nothing we can do to change that.
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