Mom has heart patient, dad stroked. The dad molested son's wife as a young girl, now they are flashing $ around and will sell their huge house and son and wife will sell their house to buy new place jointly. Both parents are manipulators. They could sell their home and move into an assisted living cottage of their choice. But, want to uproot my son’s life and his wife said she always wanted a relationship with her mom. Wife runs a distance every few days to visit them and is worn out. Suggestions?
Do you have any grandchildren living with your son and his wife or do they plan on having children?. If the answer to that is yes then the answer is a HARD and fast, and resounding NO!!!
And if he has been reported as an offender then if this comes to be report him. I would tell your son and DIL that you would do this.
(OK..just read other replies and there are grand children so re read the above!!)
As for the rest...and this might be difficult to do but as Dear Abby used to say..
MYOB Mind your own business.
This is a decision a husband and wife are making.
Give your opinion then back off.
Let your son know and your DIL that you will be there to support them and you will not pull the "I told you so" card when this becomes a disaster.
You don't harp on the little things (kids being picky eaters, how your dil disciplines the kids if it's not abusive, sleep habits and thank you note writing).
You save speaking up for if you think your grandchild is in need of urgent medical intervention about to enter into an situation in which they might be molested.
I think it's time to sound the siren
Okay, who thinks that living with a sexual predator is a good idea?
Could it be that dad in law can not find a facility that will accept a sexual predator? This should tell them something.
My heart is breaking for your daughter in law, she is setting herself up for the worse heartache, believing that she can do enough to make her mom love her will destroy her heart.
Best of luck averting this terrible mistake.
Just the thought of stroke-surviver Gramps asking for help to the bathroom is making me angry. He may need help BUT NOT FROM the CHILDREN.
Based on my own experience, I’d say go and talk to the police about your worries for your granddaughter. Ask for their advice. Sorting out the abuse situation could be very likely to stop the whole idea going ahead.
Or just his wife? (If so, stand up for yourself Man!)
Is this older couple so ill they would be confined to their own rooms & wish to use their own funds for paid aides? Like their own self-managed personal NH on site?
Or will they be enslaving this younger family to fetch, carry, entertain at beck & call so they can continue to live exactly as they wish?
Have a quiet chat with your son. Ask HIS view. Suggest he get independant advice. You don't want to be seen to be trying to split up your son's marriage... But he may need a safe place to discuss what he wants.
My mother lived for 4.5 years after entering a nursing home.
Medicaid planning needs to be done by EVERYONE, except maybe Bill Gates.
Please visit an eldercare attorney to examine the Medicaid-planning aspect and a therapist to discuss the mental health aspects.
Looks like Geaton was typing the same time I was. Yes, the Medicaid angle needs to be looked at too.
Thanx again