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My Grandparents had a business with my Aunt. When my GP got older and retired they lived on a stipend from the business. They lived this way for many years and then my GF passed. My GM continued to live alone until my Aunt ran into financial problems with the buisness, the Covid ere was the “great buisness destroyer” She moved my GM in with her to save money and unfortunately there was no money for a stipend every month. My GM has 3 children, my Uncle, Aunt and my Mother. My Aunt was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and her health deteriorated rapidly. She was unable to care for my GM any longer. My mother couldn’t do it as my father has congenital heart failure and kidney issues. My uncle flat out refused to help out. Saying it wasn’t his responsibility. My Wife and I stepped up and moved my GM to a different state to live with us. we were given Medical POA and nothing else since at the time she paid her own bills with some assistance. My Aunt has a joint bank account with my grandmother that has roughly 7k in it and still receives the SS deposit every month. My GM and I opened a joint account here. She transferred 15k into the account she shares with me and reimbursed us for the moving cost as well as paying us a monthly stipend for her care. Her SS deposit is still going into my Aunts account she shares with my GM. She has been with us for 6 weeks. Unfortunately 3 weeks ago she ended up in the hospital and things aren’t looking good. Her dementia has gotten bad since her medical crisis. She is still is in the hospital. My Uncle who never care about her or her care showed up out of nowhere and caused a horrible scene in the hospital. I tried my best to keep things civil and agreed to let him visit with her at the hospital. The nurses caught him trying to get my GM to give him her SS number. With the hospitals support we decided to ban him from the hospital. He was found to ignore the ban and was found in her room and security had to be called. Yesterday In my GM room a DFS social worker showed up. My uncle had accused me of elder abuse and exploitation. I was told police were involved. Non of the siblings talk to my uncle, he burned those bridges! The SW took down a bunch of information about the different bank accounts my GM has. I’m terrified, we were the only ones that stepped up to care for her. The only money we have used is to reimburse the moving expenses (we have receipts) and pay a small monthly stipend for her care
You don't ask an actual question but you should probably consult with an attorney that specializes in this sort of thing and elder abuse to get the best guidance as to how this may play out and what your next steps may need to be.

I'm hoping when your GM reimbursed you for the moving expenses you kept the receipts and documented what they were for. If not, the lawyer will come in handy give you proper guidance.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Thank You for your reply. I guess I didn’t really ask a question. I have so many questions ! Yes we have the receipts for the move. And are talking to an attorney this afternoon.
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Reply to SomewhereinAZ
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You are doing correct - Keep all GM receipts and bills separate from yours. You can prove that she has bills that need to be paid and that the SS check should be sent to her and she should have access to the account with your aunt. Should have called SS and had that check transferred to new account. Anyway, always good to talk to a lawyer worth the money!!!
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Reply to Ohwow323
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SomewhereinAZ Sep 25, 2024
We did attempt to call SS but he messed up his Address for his old bank where the money goes. They said we had to go in person, the next appt wasn’t October 19th….
crazy.
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If you are being paid a stipend for her care, what account is that coming out of, since Aunt and a demented GM have control of the account SS goes into? Did you have a contract for that "stipend". Because without it there could now be serious problems.

What normally happens is this:
1. An elder, GM here, gives POA to family member of her choice either as a springing document in her regular will or as a seperate document drawn by an attorney. This can only be done when she is competent.
2. The POA doesn't use this POA until two physicians attest to grandmother's incompetence in her own decisions.
3. Once in place the POA is on ALL accounts as the signee of checks. He/she could not remove Aunt who is now co owner of that particular account. But he could go to SS to become representative payee of SS with the same two letters attesting to grandmother's incompetence. That's number 4. so...
4. The POA now goes to SS office with the letters to apply to be the "representative payee" and SS would thereafter go to a special account on which records would be submitted yearly.
5. If a STIPEND were needed to care for grandmother then a contract for "shared living expenses" would be drawn by an attorney. Difficult to get done once grandmother has dementia. Careful monthly records would be kept by the POA of every penny into and out of any accounts.

NONE of this was done.
So yes, this is now a terrible mess.
You are currently answering all questions honestly; at this point that's the best you can do.
Warring children and grandchildren will often ALL LOSE in court and the state will likely here appoint a Court Appointed Fiduciary. APS may see to it that a case for guardianship of grandmother goes forward at this point to the courts.
Grandmother will likely be placed, which is as it should be.
All warring siblings and grandchildren will be able to visit her without worrying about her money, placement, or much of anything else.

I would welcome APS. I would tell them this is all out of your control and you would appreciate the state taking over for your Grandmother's protection from her nefarious children.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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SomewhereinAZ Sep 25, 2024
The SS money currently come to his account her shares with my Aunt.
No contract… My Aunt just told me what he pays to help out.
Room, Board and Care 1500 (She has a Colostomy and a NG tube in place) Case worker said that was reasonable around where we are.
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