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My sister has been taking "cash" money from my Mother for 30 years. Until 3 years ago it was about $500 per month. Over the last 3 years she has convinced my Mother to give her all of her savings which was around $80,000 to $100,000. Now my Mother is out of money and she recently convinced my Mother to go to 3 separate institutions to borrow more money (about $20,000). She gave the money to my sister in CASH because she is on disability and it would show as income which would cause her to lose her SSDI. Now that my Mother is out of money and cannot repay her debt, my sister is now accusing me of abusing my Mother because I told my Mother her judgment was impaired. My sister is threatening to sue me because I have financial power of attorney from my Mother and demanding all sorts of things. H E L P !

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Your sister is potentially committing fraud as regards failing to declare income while claiming disability benefits. If you have proof to the extent that you cannot pretend you are not aware of her actions, you had better report this or you will implicated.

What form are your sister's accusations taking?

How long have you been aware of your sister's behaviour?

How long have you had financial POA?

To be honest, I think you yourself might be in big trouble. I think you'd better get good legal advice from an elder specialist, pronto pronto. You need to get sorted:

what has happened to your mother's capital
what has gone on with her obtaining credit
what is to be done about her inability to meet her debt
what explanation are you going to put forward for your failure to intervene sooner.

What are your mother's care needs? Is she living with you, living with your sister, or living alone?

Please come back to us with more details. I don't want to alarm you and then do nothing to offer suggestions.
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Do what i did took my dad to the bank with my POA in hand and now i know everything that goes on in his banks accounts and nothing funny can get by without my approval...i too have a brother who took about the same amount from my mom without my dads knowledge...now she is gone my brother keeps calling my dad so far my dad is adamant he is not getting any money from him! But with his dementia increasing u just never know. The time to get all that pertinate paperwork done is when she is still has some or all her coganative skills. Protect her at all costs even if it means getting a no contact order against ur sister. Please dont waste another day....go and get advice ASAP! I cant stress not to let another day go by without dealing with this.
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You have the POA, but vulture sis controls the $. I think she's threatening to sue just to shut you up. If you can prove her dirty deeds in court, tell her you'll see her there. Otherwise offer to surrender the POA to her. She probably won't want it b/c that'd be too much responsibility. She just wants to keep the looting going.
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This is so wrong on so many levels it infuriates me! With what I have been through over the past six months to get my mother the help she needs without my father being broke..............people amaze me! Step up and tell your sister that her free tax payer ride is over! You are a party to this mess if you don't let the right people know what's going on. BLOW THE WHISTLE LOUD. What on earth has she done with that much money? What comes around goes around I say. Don't let her bully you, call her out!!!
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I especially love when the ones who have borrowed say "but mom was helping me out, I needed mom's help, wouldn't you help out your child?"....blah blah blah......here's a thought.....work through your own issues and dig yourself out of the hole you got yourself into......enough already!
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I also would suggest that you talk to a professional you trust to have your mom's best interests at heart. Either a doctor or a lawyer, or both. The toll caregiving takes is great enough, even if your entire family is on the same page. It doesn't sound like that is the case here.
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First business is determine if you have DPOA invoked (mom deemed by dr to be incompetent) -- without that you can't stop mom or sister from this money problem.

Next sit down with mom (if she isn't totally incompetent) and explain the amount of money and loans. Write it up simply and explain to mom "she is broke trying to help sister) and who will take care of mom when she is penniless? This may be a wake up call for her when she sees it in black and white.

Mom is responsible for her debt, not you and not your sister -- you will be the loser because sis has already gotten the majority of the estate.

Talk with mom and offer her help in stopping the $$ bleed and stopping future gifts and lending to sister. Take mom to bank, get on the accounts secured in your name. Give mom a small account to draw from and when it's empty it's empty. Call the loan companies and tell them mom is elder and has memory issues and they are to not allow any future lending to mom -- they won't if you tell a white lie and tell them she won't be able to repay the loan.
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I hate these relatives who exploit these parents without any regard for elders rights and future monetary needs. It is pure out predator abuse and unfortunately, other sibs or family never know until the elder gets into financial trouble and then comes to the responsible one.
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My sister did the same thing to my father and also her incompetence lead to his death. She had secretly had him sign papers making her his POA even though earlier when he made me his executor and also POA she threw a fit and the notary wouldn't let him sign the POA. A month later she had the same notary come to her house and had Dad sign the papers. We didn't know this until after Dad passed. My brother's and I tried to get the money back that she took but couldn't. Some children are so greedy!
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keep up with protective services and also there are local resources as well as free legal help. I praise you for standing up for whats right
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