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My dad is in an AL MC. He goes into these obsessive compulsive bouts and does not let it go, until he finds something else to obsess about, ideas? Suggestions? Anything reasonable I am willing to try. Examples: about 3 - 4 months ago it was jeans. He is outgrowing his jeans and needed new ones, we bought him (no exaggeration here a total of 14 different pairs of jeans all of them had to be returned because he wanted 36 x 30 jeans (current size which are too tight). Then it was drivers license (canceled by Dr in another stated). Now he is calling my attorney because he must change his will. He has a will signed by him and mom prior to her death 5 years ago. After my mom’s death we did go to an attorney and drafted a new will which was never signed, then his health declined and now he is unable to change, my attorney called me today saying my father called her office 4 times today. The point is does anyone else deal with these hyper focused situations and how do you deal with it?


Any ideas are welcomed

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I use humor. I answer her question about 10 times and then I come up with obviously really silly answers to her question. I typically get the question or the idea brought up two or three more times and each time I have a new even sillier answer. She gets distracted by my answers and that gets her on a different train of thought.
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You need a consult with a Geriatric Psychiatrist. Meds might help if re-direction doesn't.

Have you watched Teepa Snow's videos on dealing with dementia patients? You might pick up some good pointers there.
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SusanHeart May 2021
I have watched Teepa's videos multiple times as I search for answers to new challenges my dad tosses our way. Dad finds something new and different quite often; when we find the answer or solution to the behavior he comes up with something new. This hyper focus is proving to be a challenge, he cannot be redirected and it lasts for weeks on the same narrow focused subject.
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If he still has his own phone, take it away and tell him you’ll return it as soon as you can get it repaired.

Buy clothes in the size that will fit him, and tell him that the size tags were incorrectly marked and you got a nice discount.

It sounds as though there’s some kind of anxiety operating at some level.

Has he been seen by a geriatric behaviorist? A specialist might be able to zero in on management tools, including specific medications or combinations of medications, possibly more precisely than a GP. A psychiatrist made a world of difference in my LO’s life.
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SusanHeart May 2021
Did these medications made you LO more sleepy? That is a concern I have he is already sleepy because he does not sleep well at night (sleep with TV on all night, cannot turn it off or he throws a fit) and does not use cpap machine so really poor sleep. I am concerned that that more medication will make him even more sleepy and disoriented.
what medication is you LO on that is working?
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Have you tried therapeutic lies?

Get the size of clothing that will fit, elastic is your friend and change the size tags or just cut them out completely. You can buy some at the thrift store at 1st to establish the perfect size with wiggle room.

Oh dad, do you not remember that you took care of that new will last week with myself and your attorney? I would tell the attorney to have his receptionist tell your dad that the attorney is unavailable and you deal with dad. Those phone calls can get expensive.

I found that some things are just better when you tell them what they want to hear, regardless of the reality. Calming their concerns is what is important.

Best of luck finding the right words to help with the current fixation.
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Not an easy situation. I believe many of us 'here' on this site experience these issues or variations. It depends on the brain chemistry and how that 'plays out' in behavior (no disrespect intended here). Everyone is a bit different in how they behave -
* Keep him preoccupied / attention diverted to something that will hold his interest (i.e., magazine specializing in art, antiques, fishing ???) -
* Do NOT engage in buying 14 pair of jeans. Get what he needs and stop. You are buying into dementia behavior. You need to take control of the situation.
* Sometimes you need to ignore or change subject immediately. "We'll talk later, I'm doing the laundry now... "
* If possible, change MD phone # - if Dad won't be able to get the correct one elsewhere (give him the phone # of the weather or something where there is a recording.
* Get him a new phone and program it.
* Seems like an attorney will need to determine, along with MD input, what is legal and what can be done.
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Yes, this is something that will continue to happen. The best you can do is to try to refocus his attention from the obsession to other topics of conversation and other activities.
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Focus on calming activities that steer away from the obsessions.

Turn on soft music - favorite songs, songs from his youth and your youth, happy times of his life. See if you can get him to sing along.

Watching golf on TV is very relaxing. What kids of shows did he like best? You could also put in a “happy” old movie. My dad liked the Lawrence Welk television show, so I bought the complete DVD collection, and putting on that show would soothe his nerves. Avoid the news if it makes him anxious.

As far as the jeans, most are scratchy and uncomfortable. Bring some ultra soft sweatpants. Make sure they are soft on the inside too. If he really loves jeans, just bring 2 pairs that fit so he isn’t so overwhelmed. Leave them both. Trying on more than ten pairs is exhausting for anyone, frustrating and even physically painful if he’s gained weight and they are tight.

When conversation reverts to obsessive topics, redirect. Make a list of conversation topics that make his eyes sparkle. Even with a fading memory, long ago childhood memories might still be vibrant. You may want to know everything about his childhood someday and you won’t be able to ask. what was his first job? What is his advice for a happy life? What funny stories can he tell you about his childhood? If this frustrates him, tell him fun stories from your childhood where he was your hero.

Dont forget to hug him, tell him you love him and how important he is to you.

Ask him for advice. Keep his memory and brain as active as possible.

Play simple games or work puzzles if he is able and engaged. These are both calming and therapeutic.
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The hardest thing we (my mother and I) deal with, concerning my dad, are his obsessions. We finally accepted that he will always obsess about something so we try and steer him to obsessions which are manageable for us. We can only steer him in the brief moments when he lets go of one obsession and those moments are rare. So acceptance is quite helpful.
Also after struggling with his obsessions for a long time we asked his doctor for help. He was prescribed Prozac and it helped bring the urgency and insistence down a notch. Maybe that would help your dad. I know what you are going through, it’s a tedious ride, just hang in there!
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Welcome to Dementia World.
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My mom’s nurse put my mom on a small dose of Risperdal and after 4 days the loops stopped. She swore there were worms in her food & that everyone was stealing from her. For a person w brain issues (my son has a TBI so I was familiar with this MED) it helps them stop perseverating (on repeat) & helps them be more flexible. Dementia is a brain issue. God bless you for your patience. As for the phone calls, block your attorney number from his phone or better yet, take the phone away. We did and she doesn’t ask for it but when she did, we just changed the subject. The ole “pick your battles” ❤️
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