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When my father wanted to move here after my mom passed, I told him I had no problem with it but, I would need to close my daycare (after 32 years) and wouldnt be able to work outside the house as I would need to take care of him. He agreed it fair to pay me what I would make if i had 2 children in care full time. As POA on his account, I went ahead and wrote 2 checks a month, once on the 1st, once on the 16th. I paid for all food out of this for him, and some other small items. If/when he needed clothes, supplements, his cigs, meds, etc I wrote checks from his account directly to the store so there is a paper trail.

Fast forward to now. I have no money set aside because as utilities went up and food costs, some expenses out of pocket I didnt take from his account to cover extra expenses. Once all bills were paid no extra money set aside because there wasnt any extra. Scares the heck out of me because we almost lost our house last summer and worried about what I am going to do the day my dad will no longer be with us and the time it will take to restart my daycare and/or find a job outside the house. I cant risk losing my house again!

I am considering taking enough money to cover 3 months of mortgage and utilities from his account, which adds up to what he said was fair to him in the beginning, and setting it aside in another account to be sure i can pay those bills until I reopen my daycare, which may not happen until beginning of September (going to take that long to attend an orientation beginning of August and go through the app and process which they said could take 6 weeks!). Then to find the kids. I am good for this month, so the money would carry me at least until October.

Does anyone know if i can get in trouble for that? I have a friend who is a paralegal who has told me to do it, but then I have someone else telling me I could be hit with a lien against my house.

If it matters, the only ones left will be myself and my sister and there is a will. So it is spelled out who gets what. I honestly dont care about the money, but i worry about almost losing my house again!

I am looking for an elder law attorney today to talk to.

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Take your own advice! :) Go and see that elder law attorney. Please let us know what s/he says. Did you get anything down on paper about what your father agreed to pay? And take the paper trail too, ideally summarised on some kind of spreadsheet. It should be reasonable for your father to have been paying what his actual care costs and living expenses were, so it sounds as if *he* may be in arrears on that score - in which case perhaps you may be able to recoup something there?
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My mom's elder care attorney drew up a very simple healthcare contract about two years ago for me that all parties (my siblings and mom) have seen and agree to that reads so much per hour 7 days per week. We can dissolve it at any time. (My coworkers and I were let go from our home transcription hospital account jobs we thought we'd have forever. Long story short, I sold my house and paid cash for another, and we manage just fine). The lawyer did charge $1000 but assured me he has never been challenged by anyone about contracts like these. It helped me even tax-wise, which I was not expecting. Frankly, my plan is to retire at the end of this year and dissolve the contract, but it's enabled me to take care of mom in my home at this point and not have to look for another job plus have an outside service come into my home (who'd charge probably double what I've agreed to be paid), and to avoid placing her just yet. It also will enable me to be able to choose whether or not we want to place mom in memory care after this year should we decide that way. She's not quite to the unmanageable state just yet. It's been a win-win for us.
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Definitely go see the attorney. Unfortunately some lines may have already been crossed. For instance - I'm assuming your father is still alive, are you planning on placing him in a care facility and restarting you business now? If so and it becomes necessary to apply for Medicaid for your dad - if there was not a written agreement in place regarding him paying "rent" any checks written to you might be viewed as gifts and throw a wrench into things. Hopefully an attorney can help tidy things up. If I have learned one thing regarding adult children caring for a loved one at home, it is - do not take a penny without getting everything into a contract - how much you will be compensated for your work, how much money will be paid toward rent, expenses etc. This is all so important for the caregivers future after the loved one passes but also for the living loved one should Medicaid become necessary. Too many caregivers find themselves broke and homeless after giving so much of themselves - they deserve better.
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Wyatt - not to sound harsh but your saying "honestly i dont care about the money" is a bit disingenuous as your post is really all about money. So what exactly is changing this summer with dad & you that is enabling you to reopen your daycare center this coming fall??

Is dad somehow better that he doesn't need caregiving OR has moved to stay with Sissy OR is it that dad is /has moved into a facility?

If its the latter & dad is now at a facility and is applying or has applied for medicaid to pay for his NH.....all that $ dad gave you will trigger a transfer penalty inquiry by medicaid which totally will effect his eligibility for medicaid which in turn places a bill by the facility to you or whomever is on file at the NH for dads financial responsibility. I'd bet this is what your friend was getting at by their telling you that you face having a lien placed on your home (by the facility for nonpayment of dads care).

Really your situation has many red flags, you need an eldercare atty advise & ASAP. I'd be concerned that your personal financial situation - business closed & being at the edge of foreclosure recently - and using dads $ to keep your household afloat may pose APS /or POA fiduciary issues in addition to Medicaid transfer penalty issues.

What's in a will only matters if deceased had assets that becomes his estate.
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As long as he actually agreed to this kind of arrangement, I really don't see where there would be a problem as long as it's in writing and you both signed it in a written contract. However, it's up to the both of you to uphold the agreement. As for taking three months worth of money out of his account, I would discuss this with him and make sure he agrees with it. I wouldn't just go in without him knowing and take the money because you never know what kind of plans he may have or whether or not you may cut him short
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I don't really understand your situation. When it comes to elders and money, I usually don't.

However, your mother passed away & your dad wanted to come live with you. Why did you have to shut down the day care, and why couldn't you work outside the house? What kind of "care" did your father need? It sounds odd that you bought his food separately from your own food, and paid for it separately as well. I don't know how much money he was giving you, but it couldn't have been that much if all you used it for was food and some other small items.

You speak in one paragraph as if you want to take 3 months of money to pay for expenses "just in case" your father isn't living there anymore & until you re-start the daycare----then you say that you ARE re-starting the daycare in September. Where is your father? Is he still living with you? Is he in a LTC facility now? If he went into a LTC facility, all of his expenses and expenditures must be able to be tracked, or it will be considered "gifts" and the LTC facility could definitely put a lien on your house to get that money back. If he is not in a LTC facility, he doesn't need room/board at your house anymore, and I would be very careful about writing yourself checks for a 3 month advance. It really has nothing to do with a will---the LTC facility wants their money before he goes on Medicaid & they'll do whatever it takes to get it, including suing you for the money.

I know hindsight is 20/20, but from the very beginning, finances should have been more distinctly divided and recorded in a legal fashion. He was paying you what you would have made taking care of 2 kids at the day care. However, he is not 2 kids----he is one elderly adult that requires much different care. He also lived in your house 24/7, so some sort of "rent" should have been figured in there as well. I find your post to be a bit confusing.
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Medicaid, if he ever needs it, will look back five years. Check with an attorney like suggested.
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Mwyatt -- please heed Igloo572's advice. Dad will incur BIG look back penalties should he ever need Medicaid, which most elderly end up on when residing in a nursing home. As POA, you are obligated to act in your Dad's best interest, not your own. Dad future custodial needs take precedent. Contact an elder law attorney if you are unsure the duties of a POA.

You don't say where dad is going to live in September when you plan to reopen your daycare. Would this be in your home with Dad also living there? All monies he gave you to live with you will count as a gift, if you didn't have a proper caregivers contract written up by an attorney. A paralegal is NOT an attorney. Get advice from a top elder law attorney before you write anymore checks out to yourself.

Lastly, Dad's care will get more complicated as he ages. Good luck and let us know what your attorney advises.
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Cowpatti12 -- As I mentioned above, a trusted elder law attorney is worth their weight in gold. Speak to one today. You do not want to commingle funds. Your parents have dementia and previously designated you as POA.
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Oops didn't finish. Cowpatti, unless your parents are quite wealthy, $500 weekly spending on sweepstakes is quite alarming. So yes, as POA you must act in your dementia diagnosed parents best interests and stop their imprudent spending. Explain to them, along with your sister's support, that their spending this way is not sustainable given their future health needs. If they say it's their money or they don't care, then you need to act as POA or give it up and let the chips fall where they may. And you sound quite responsible and concerned for your parents, so I know you don't want to give it up. Sometimes the best decisions are the hardest decisions when caregiving our elderly parents. My journey is half over as my parents are now deceased but my very elderly in laws are still alive. Hang in there.
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