I take care of my dad alone with three sisters nearby. No help at all from them. Not even a phone call to say hi to dad, let alone a visit from them. Now because dad will be 95 next month, and most likely his last Thanksgiving, of course they want to include him in Thanksgiving. They actually asked me to bring him to their house! He cannot stand, walk, and is bed-bound. (He has cancer and dementia and is on hospice). Shows how much they know about his condition! I could go without a holiday right now. Just wondering how everyone else is handling it. And all my best wishes to all of you.
The only reason I asked if you are 24/7 is to make you realize that what you are doing is a 24/7 job, much more than what most people consider a full time job! I know it is difficult, as I care for my mom with Alzheimer's and her husband with general age related decline. But I think he is beginning to develop dementia as well, to many things that should be remembered that are not. I sleep in the basement directly below their bedroom and in this 60 year old house the floors creak substantially, I wake each time they are up and between two of them it is probably five or six times each night, wait for the toilet flush and creaking floors back to bed. And from 5:00 am on, I sometimes wonder how many people are sleeping in that room, it is a constant parade back and forth it seems. There are also nights when I hear them yelling at each other because both wear hearing aids. My mom is trying to get him to go home because she doesn't want her little girls, that are now all in their 50's, to know she is sleeping with someone. Gotta love it! ;)
RebeccaJ and 58yroldchild, I can relate very well with you, and I feel your pain. All the best to you.
assandache7, I appreciate everyone's input :)
Maybe she was just being polite or maybe she doesn't realize how bad she's gotten. She hasn't seen or talked with Mother in about 3 or 4 months, so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.
I explained that Mother is very feeble, in fact I just got her a wheel chair and had hand rails installed all around the house. All the people that are usually there would just confuse Mother. So she and I and maybe my brother are just staying home. Today I pick up catered meals -- easier than cooking and tomorrow I'll reheat. I doubt she'll eat hardly anything.
I did say that it would be nice if people had time to stop for a short visit, it would make her happy. The one grandson did call to say on his way back to Virginia from PA, on Saturday afternoon, he and his family would stop. I think small individual visits will be nicer for her. She gets tired quickly.
Are you a full time caregiver, 40 hours a week, or a 24/7? There is a very big difference.
But I have to have thanksgiving here because ironically it will be less stressful for Mom!!! Lol
And the weather is awful, which is an added bonus! You'd think we had a hole in the roof and no heat by the way my Mom is talking about it!!!
I am constantly amazed at people anymore and how selfish and self serving they can be. My heart goes out to you and Dad!!
At our house, I am cooking for the rest of the family and caring for Mom. My mother is still able to get around and may even help me chop up a few things if she is in the right mood. No one is bringing anything no one ever does but I am happy to see them anyway.
God Bless You Both!
I thought my husband and I would have a nice Thanksgiving day alone but the caregiving urge never stops. He invited his sister and her son for dinner so that they would not be alone. But at least we will have other time to ourselves.
You are absolutely right, it is about them.
However, outside care eventually becomes a necessity for many. As in your case @solegiver, you might need someone to help you take care of your dad.
Do you think that an assisted living facility or a nursing home is an option?
On Thanksgiving day itself he was feeling a little more chipper and I took him around the neighborhood a bit in his wheelchair and then we had a nice traditional meal supplied by Hospice. He died a week later.
This year my mother (93, dementia) is in rehab. One of my brothers will eat there with her. She loves the food there and is looking forward to it. This brother is particularly good with her. He doesn't care for large gatherings and she often hasn't felt like going out, so he has had many holiday meals with her since she's been a widow. My sister is hosting a very large gathering. I'll be there. Mom would be there, too, if she weren't in the transitional care unit, but I think this year it is probably just as well she has an alternative to the boisterous gathering.
Solegiver, obviously your sisters don't comprehend the situation. I don't know if they sincerely want to see their father for one last holiday, or if they'd like him there as kind of an ornament, as a symbol of their family spirit. But either way he obviously can't be there. I kind of like lsmiami's suggestion about the cards!
Get a sappy card at Hallmark.....just a different way to ask them to visit, but the Holiday spirit may guilt them.
If they visit, maybe they will open their eyes and hearts.
I am sorry, it is a difficult Holiday for you.