Dear Forum Friends:
It’s been nearly two years since my bride began exhibiting delusions and even acts of violence. These only lasted for a few weeks. But the confusion continued. After many months of testing and doctor’s appointments it was determined she was suffering with early and sudden onset of Alzheimer’s. Our lives changed.
In the last 3 months progression of the disease has ramped up significantly. So much that it has taken me to a decision I knew would come, but hoping I would never have to make.
Next week I will be placing bride of nearly 32 years in a Memory Care facility. It is a good one that will work with her to try and teach her functional ADLs (Activities of Daily Living). While these may only be retained for few minutes, it is hopeful they will give her a bit better quality of life. This type of teaching is called the Montessori system. There is only one such facility here in South Carolina, that I am aware of, but is only minutes away from our new home in Summerville.
The move to a memory care facility is going to be hard for her to understand. I will be crying my eyes out. I feel I’m betraying my bride on a promise of “Till death do us part”. Just a few weeks ago she said to me, “Please don’t throw me away.” I have done everything I can to keep her home and to honor our joint desire to care for one another, even to having 24/7 caregivers. It takes two people present, at all times, to care for her. And I have become very weary.
Having my Love in a care facility will be very helpful to her because she’ll have not only caregivers but also have medical professionals there at all times. It’s the painful emotions knowing my wife will never live with me again. That is what hurts the most.
I would ask you to pray for us during this painful transition. But also please pray for my bride’s quick passing. It’s what she needs the most.
My FIL was moved to a memory care unit a few months ago; after 70+ years with my MIL. He has severe dementia that has progressed to the point he cannot take care of his daily toileting and other needs. The transition for him was not as difficult as it was for my MIL. Your wife is very blessed to have you making this difficult decision on her behalf. We will pray for peace for you as you cope with not having your sweet wife by your side.
Thank you so much for your prayers! This is not a decision to be made by intellect or emotions. Both can fail me. But the Father will not fail me. Only He can guide me in the right path and give me peace with each step. - Would love to connect with you outside this forum, if possible.
if you use Facebook, you can find me, Terry Canipe. I’m standing by a bay with my bride, moon setting behind us. Send me a message and I’ll respond.
You are with her till death do you part, you are just living in different spaces. She requires more care than you can give her, you are doing the right thing for her.
I wish you the very best in this long journey, my best friend is going through this right now, her husband is trying to hold onto what was, not what is.
https://www.alzheimers.net/montessori-method-dementia