My dad has been diagnosed with dementia he also talks crazy an says off the wall stuff asks if I see furniture floating in water do I see fire which he points to a blank wall. He is also almost totally blind. He has just been told he can no longer drive. My parents an I have a house together cause they are both on social security an social security Disability. I'm trying to help my mom find out what she can do or what they have as options. Cause my dad is starting to wander outside the house at all hours of the night. An waking everyone up yelling to un lock the door or he's calling the police. He will leave the doors wide open an forget to shut them an he wonders. Sometimes to neighbors houses or down the street. My mom is afraid one night he may get hit or worse. I told her to call an figure something out. However she called Medicare an they pretty much told her she has no options. An they don't have a big income so they can't afford a nursing home. So my mom really doesn't know what to do. An I feel bad for her cause my dad is a very mean person an very argumentive. However we know most of it is do to his dementia,but I mean there has to be something out there some help somewhere when people lose their minds so to speak. My mom has gotten a POA on him however we don't know if that helps. An we were told to get him on Medicaid however I talked to many people an seen my mom go thru that with her dad here in michigan. An they fought his approval on Medicaid all the way till the day he died an then they called my mom an said he was approved after he already was passed. So if she can't get him on Medicaid what other options does she have he's 83 by the way. So that's my long question cause we are struggling with knowing what to do?....Thanks Amanda
Again, being in the home, it's not likely he will qualify for Medicaid since he gets Medicare and social security based on his earnings while employed. However, it's very possible he might qualify for Nursing Home Medicaid to help pay for his bed at a facility. They use a calculation of both parents income to determine what amount will follow him to the NH and what amount mom gets to keep while still living at home. It's not a 50-50 split because they want to avoid 'impoverishing' the at home spouse.
Talk to his doctor to find out if he can help you get him into a NH or facility with memory care. I will tell you it's much easier to move from a hospital bed to a NH bed than from home to NH in most situations. The doctor should be able to tell you what needs to be diagnosed or done to get him qualified for NH type care.
A NH can help you with the Medicaid application. Or if doctor tells you dad qualifies for NH care based on current diagnosis and level of care dad needs, you can fill out the application yourself with the Medicaid office. You probably need to get an application so you can see all the info you'll have to provide and start getting it together.
If there's enough money to see an elder attorney, that would be a good option because those atty's know exactly how the income is shared between the husb/wife, how much money will follow dad to NH, how much money you can have in the bank/savings/assets, etc and can usually help get the process going for you. This would be the first option if you can afford it.
While it sounds like this situation needed to be managed years ago, we do what we can when we can - as you now.
I recommend:
* You hire a medical social worker to assess the situation.
* Find out WHY they do not qualify for Medicaid - what do they say? Get documentation of requirements.
* If there is nothing else to do, you need to get in caregivers to assist - and this is expensive, too.
* Your dad should not be living like this without supervision 24/7. It is unsafe for your mom, too. As she indicate she is afraid.
* Call Adult Protective Services and ask them to make a housecall.
* Do they own their own home? If so, it is time to move them closer to you and/or find a way to gain / acquire financial resources to pay for their future, if not more immediate, housing needs. I realize all this takes time.
You / the family needs to be present to manage this.
I doubt your mom can manage the situation with a POA or not. Although that will help. Hire an attorney what specializes in elder care / medicaid issues.
Usually - when there is a house involved and/or 'enough' money where a person doesn't qualify for public / government assistance, they ARE on their own. It is a very cruel way we 'honor' our elders in this country. We do not.
I think the best you can do now is to hire an attorney specializing in this area and find a medical social worker to help you. I am heartbroken to read what happened to your mother when getting her dad medicaid. It is so very sad. I feel for you and your mom and hope that you can find some resolution.
You / your mom must have locks on the doors so your father cannot 'just' walk out of the house. A med social worker would be able to help you 'safeguard' the house although he may likely need some medication to keep him calmed down.
I am hoping others here may be able to give you more support / ideas than I have. However, I am very happy that you wrote us here as you never know what support / advice will help you/r family.
Gena / Touch Matters
And unfortunately if it is Lewy Body, there is a limit on what meds can do
1. Area council on Aging Staff
2. Elder Attorney (it is worth skipping a few meals too pay for this person)
3. Neurologist (to get diagnosis which will be required by medicare)
4. meals on wheels (to relieve your mother just a bit)
5. AmeriCorps for Seniors
6. If you don’t have access to a computer go to local library..they are so helpful
7. Benefits CheckUp ( go online-help with food, medical, etc.)
8. https://www.gofundme.com/c/blog/financial-help-for-seniors (there is a huge
list of places to contact for help with food, medical, house repairs, pet care, legal advice, everythig. You have to go on the internet to get this information.
Meanwhile put locks on doors, call dr. for medication to help with anxiety and sleeplessness, call a mobile medical service to come to your home -saves you so many trips, gas, stress.
It is time to call APS in your area to report this very unsafe situation. That will prioritize their visit to your household. I think that given the wandering your father has advanced to the stage where he does require placement.
APS or your local council on aging is going to be providing you with pointers about who to consult regarding applications for Medicaid if needed, division of finances if needed (so that no one attempts to access your mom's social security to pay for your father's care and etc). This can get legally complicated in the case of a couple and you really need expert guidance.
I am uncertain whether or not your father is fully diagnosed? You and Mom need to take him back for neuro exam if not. His hallucinations sound very like Lewy's Dementia to me; they can be exceptionally realistic, almost like a movie. Ask the MD how you can get social services guidance, as well. Contact his supplemental insurance also. Good luck.
Place a call to APS today and ask for a visit for guidance on a senior seriously at risk.
I wish you the best. I hope you find help for yourselves.
Do you love and trust your healthcare and real estate power of attorney?
Even if the keys were confiscated, can you keep the car title in your family?
Sorry, the other foundational concepts seem to matter.
Much respect.
Most people can't afford a nursing home on their income. Sometimes from savings and when there is nothing then you get LTC medicaid to pay for the nursing home. You should not pay any of your own money for your parents care. You need your money for you and your future.
Regarding driving - don't wait for DMV. You should disable his car and/or hide the keys. He is NOT safe to be driving. He could kill an innocent person.
He needs to be on meds to stop the wandering and keep him from violence. If your mom is afraid of him, that's not OK.
If that process doesn't go smoothly, or happen fast enough, then your next step is to either call APS, or call 911 if dad wanders again. Tell the police you are scared, not safe, and he needs to be transported to the hospital to be checked out. Once there, you have to convince the hospital to not release him home, that it is unsafe, and that you are unable to keep him safe. Depending on the hospital you might need to fight hard, or if they do send him home, keep sending him back. Eventually APS will get involved or the hospital will find a place for him.