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I have a sister in England who was in the hospital for weeks with a chest infection along with her husband who then passed away while she was holding his hand. She is 90 and has Dementia and is now in a nursing home and doesn't seem to know her husband has gone. I live in Canada and can't be there for her, and I really don't know what to do for her and feel very guilty that I can't be there. There is only one family left who lives 4-5 hours away, so I feel she is on her own. I phone every week and send a cheerful card every week, she was very confused today, so the call wasn't for long. I just go along with what she's saying as that seemes the best way. But....its all very difficult which I'm sure a lot of people are going through the same thing.

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Please try not to feel so guilty. Calling her and sending a card every week may not seem like much but at least you are putting in some effort to stay in touch. Give yourself credit for that. You can't control the border situation and covid so give yourself a break.

Dementia is tough. You are doing a great job by going along with what she's saying, even if she seems confused. No sense trying to correct her - that would not make for a nice conversation for either of you.

She may very well not remember that her husband died. And that's OK. She doesn't really need to know. Or relive the pain of losing him. If she asks about him, just give some vague answer that won't distress her.
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Thank you so much for your kind words, its just so sad. I am going along with how she is on the day and she does seem to know who I am which is good. I am sure it was all too much for her when her husband died and isn't accepting it as its just too painful. She mostly thinks he's out playing golf. Thanks again.
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Another thing you can do is to send a monthly thank you card to the group of caregivers on her floor.

I know that they will appreciate it.

Also, it helps your loved one, when their supporting staff feels appreciated by a family.

Best wishes to you.
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